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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705743">Sun &amp; Moon (NCT/DOTAE)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiyeons/pseuds/mochiyeons'>mochiyeons</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, CEO, Disease, Doyoung - Freeform, Emotional Growth, Fanfiction, Fluff, Friendship, Gay, Humor, Illness, Journalist, LGBTQ, Love, M/M, Romance, TaeDo, dotae, kpop, kpopfanfic, nct - Freeform, nct127 - Freeform, nctu - Freeform, sm, taeyong - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:28:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>60,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705743</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiyeons/pseuds/mochiyeons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Doyoung is not one for making friends. His harsh and strict world only reminds him of his cold reality, one that forces him to abandon shallow ideals and sparkling goals. He tells himself that his actions are out of duty. So although it may not be what he wishes to do, it is what is right.</p><p>However, Lee Taeyong begs to differ. The little things carry as much weight as important decisions. What seems futile is actually meaningful. Although he is different from Doyoung, Taeyong wants to do everything he can to help Doyoung open up. </p><p>With a promise locked up deep inside, Taeyong swears that he'll help Doyoung carry out the small wishes he's been hiding in his heart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello there, thank you for choosing to read my little piece of work! I hope that you'll find it to your liking. Please leave your thoughts in the comments!</p><p>I'm also on Wattpad under the same user (@mochiyeons), so please feel free to check me out there for more content!</p><p>Thank you again! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Although it is somewhat cold, </em> <em>Doyoung</em> <em> is oblivious to the surrounding temperature. His chin is tucked into his scarf, and his mother had made him wear multiple layers of clothing under his coat.</em></p><p><em>          There is a gentle breeze rustling around. It is playful in the way it glides between </em> <em>Doyoung's</em> <em> strands of hair. In the same manner, it drifts between the branches of trees. Every now and then, the occasional petal from the pink flowers on the trees delicately dances down upon the ground.</em></p><p>
  <em>          Doyoung giggles at his mother's frustration as she tries to lay down a picnic blanket. The breeze keeps lifting the corners before the blanket can be laid out straight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "Don't just laugh," she scolds him, although she is also smiling. "Help me!"</em>
</p><p> <em>Doyoung</em> <em> quickly scampers around, searching the grass for rocks. He eventually finds four small ones and lays them at the corners of the blanket as his mother stretches it out. The two are finally able to sit down.</em></p><p>
  <em>          His mother sighs, and Doyoung laughs again. "Today's a great day for a picnic, mom," Doyoung remarks slyly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "Not a word from that tricky mouth of yours." His mother closes her eyes and slightly tilts her head back. The breeze seems to make her dark hair float around her face. She then smiles and opens one eye towards Doyoung. "Hungry?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          He enthusiastically nods in reply. "Your cooking is the best."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "I wish I could do it more often," his mother responds with an exhale. She grabs the pack of food she brought with her, revealing a bento of fried rice with vegetables and chicken on the side. "You know, this was my struggle meal in college. You could have asked for something else."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          Doyoung shakes his head. "No, nothing compares to the food you cook. It's different. And I like that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          Doyoung's mother smiles again, but it is a bit sad and bitter. "Hmm... Never change, okay?" She sits up straight again. "Eat up. You can't continue to be a little runt like this if you're starting second grade soon!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "Mom!" Doyoung whines as his mother laughs at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          The two eat, laugh, and talk. The breeze continues to blow, and the petals continue to fall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          When they are done eating, his mother gestures Doyoung to come near. He sits in her gentle embrace, slightly embarrassed but mostly blissful. She strokes his hair and kisses the top of his head. "I hope you can always be a good person," she says slowly. "One that gets along with others. And I want you to always be kind and to try your best." She hugs her son a bit more tightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "Mom, are you okay?" Doyoung asks. He is mostly joking, but deep down, he thinks something is wrong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "No matter what, I'm always by your side. Don't ever think otherwise."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "You sound like an old grandma. Or some weird greeting card," Doyoung says in an attempt to avoid the tense mood building up in his chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "I'm barely thirty, you little brat." She laughs but then continues to speak. "Doyoung. Always do what you think is right. No matter what, do what you think is best for yourself. I promise I'll do that too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          Doyoung pushes his forehead into his mother's shoulders, burying himself in her body. He engulfs himself in her warmth and closes his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>          He is not aware of the tears coming out of his mother's eyes.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day Doyoung graduated high school wasn't special. It wasn't a day unique to his daily schedule. As he saw his classmates receiving flowers and hugs from their parents and friends, he simply shrugged off the small feeling of loneliness and cleaned out his classroom locker. He could hear the sound of cameras shuttering and gentle laughter enveloping the entire school. It seemed like he was the only quiet person in the entire building.</p><p>          "Hey, Doyoung!" a gleeful voice called out. Doyoung turned in a slight shock. The voice belonged to the girl that sat next to him for the last year. When Doyoung made eye-contact with her, the bright grin on her face faltered a bit and turned into a nervous smile. "Would you help me out a bit? Could you take a picture for me?"</p><p>          Doyoung stared blankly at her for a few seconds before silently nodding. He took the camera from his former classmate's hands after standing up from his cubby. The girl's parents stood next to her in front of a desk, and the three of them smiled brightly. Doyoung closed one eye and focused the camera before finally taking the picture.</p><p>          After hearing the "click," the girl gave a small smile to Doyoung. "Thank you." She looked around at Doyoung. "Do you want me to take any pictures for you?" she asked politely.</p><p>          Doyoung almost scoffed in her face. Clearly, there wasn't anyone to take a picture with. Instead, he quietly said, "My dad was too busy to come. It's okay."</p><p>          Behind the girl, her parents stood awkwardly. The girl gave a quick glance at them and suddenly, her mother said, "We'll wait for you in the car!" The two scurried out of the room. At that, Doyoung couldn't help but slightly roll his eyes.</p><p>          "Doyoung, do you know my name?" the girl suddenly asked, a slight glint in her eye.</p><p>          "No," he said bluntly.</p><p>          The girl shook her head as if she was disappointed. "I'm Heiran. I've gone to the same school as you since we were ten."</p><p>          "Oh."</p><p>          Heiran gave a sigh of annoyance. "You're going to Seoul National University, right?"</p><p>          Doyoung looked up a bit and glanced at Heiran. Her eyebrows were furrowing together as if she had approached a math problem she wasn't quite sure she knew how to do. "Yes. How did you know?"</p><p>          Heiran scoffed. "Oh please. Everyone knows that this school's number one ranked student would be going there." Doyoung didn't say anything so Heiran continued. "Guess what Mr. Quiet and Mysterious, you're looking at rank two." Heiran smiled almost cockily and pointed at herself with her thumb. "And I'm going to Seoul University too."</p><p>          The only thing Doyoung did in response was to blink uninterestedly. "And?"</p><p>          "And so are you. Let's be friends."</p><p>          "It's the last day of school."</p><p>          "And it's the first day of being a real adult!" Heiran exclaimed with a grin, throwing her hands up. Doyoung wanted to tell her to tone it down a notch.</p><p>          "I didn't need friends for the last few years. I won't need any later on either." Doyoung leaned back against the cubby and closed his eyes. He just wanted to go home and stick to the same schedule he had been following for the last five years.</p><p>          "But I do. Come on, we don't need to be best buddies, but just having someone to know at a new place would be nice!" Heiran smiled widely at Doyoung. "Please?" When Doyoung didn't reply, Heiran's smile grew into a grin. She quietly got her Polaroid camera from her cubby and tip-toed next to Doyoung. She stood on the tip of her toes to reach Doyoung's height and smiled as she quickly took a photo. At the sound of the shutter, Doyoung opened his eyes. But it was too late; the photo started to come out of the camera. Heiran stuffed all her belongings into her backpack and started for the door. Before she exited, she turned to Doyoung and waved. "I'll see you at Seoul University, <em>friend</em>!" She blew a kiss and ran out.</p><p>          Doyoung sighed and rolled his eyes. Then, he picked up his bag and left his classroom for the last time.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>At home, the first thing Doyoung did was sit down on the edge of his bed. His shoulders were slumped, and strands of hair covered his eyes. But he didn't bother to move it. He stared at the white wall in front of him. Something was bothering him; he felt hopeless and tired, but at the same time, he felt fine. His eyes were heavy, but he felt awake. </p><p>          Doyoung ignored the feeling and pushed all empty thoughts to the back of his mind. With an exhausted sigh, he got up from his bed and went to his desk where his father's old project files were sitting. He rubbed his eyes once and opened the first file: a resort project from last year. He continued reviewing and revising old projects as if they were urgently current for five hours.</p><p>          It wasn't until he heard the gentle shut of the front door that Doyoung put down the files. He quickly got up and walked to the living room where his father was taking off his coat.</p><p>          "Dad. You're here," Doyoung said lightly. He kept his eyes near the floor while purposely lacing his voice with gentle respect.</p><p>          His father gave a soft grunt in response as he laid his coat on the sofa. "How was your graduation?" he asked, sitting on the couch while loosening his tie.</p><p>          Doyoung bit his lip before replying, "It was good."</p><p>          All his father gave in response was a nod. Doyoung stood there awkwardly for a few moments, continuously glancing between his father and the ground, before he finally got a response.  "In a few years..." his father trailed off before finishing the thought. He took off his cufflinks before continuing. "You'll be in my place."</p><p>          Doyoung gulped but did not respond right away. "I finished reviewing the files today," he said instead.</p><p>          His father only nodded, deep in thought. "Good job," he said slowly. He stood up from the couch. "Get some rest." He patted Doyoung's shoulder before going to his own room. Doyoung gave out an exhale before slumping down on the couch himself.</p><p>
  <em>          "Good job. Get some rest."</em>
</p><p>          The only words Doyoung wanted to hear were, "Happy 19th birthday, son."</p><p>          Doyoung gave out a bitter sigh and smiled to himself. It was alright. He was used to this loneliness, after all.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>SEVEN YEARS AFTER</em>
</p><p>On Doyoung's twenty-sixth birthday, he finds himself following the same schedule as usual. It's funny how even though his life is significantly different from his high school days, the way he lives now is almost the same in regards to routine. Although he doesn't lean over his student desk reading his father's old projects, he now sits at a mahogany office desk with a nameplate displaying "Director Kim" on it while reviewing urgent projects before approving them.</p><p>          As Doyoung was rising ranks within his father's company, Skyline Contractors was making its own name out in the business world and media. Doyoung often hears the clicks and shutters of cameras as soon as he steps out in public. He later sees those pictures trending on search engines: "Handsome son of Skyline's CEO. Going clubbing again?"</p><p>          Yes, again.</p><p>          Every single day, after work, Doyoung goes to the club three minutes away from the company. The cameras and clicks follow him until he takes the VIP entrance where they aren't allowed to follow him inside.</p><p>          On his birthday, things aren't so different. He walks to the club as usual and takes the VIP entrance. He immediately heads to the back where a dimly lit bar is. He sits down on the stool to the far right, where there isn't too much light exposing his presence. He gently rests his right forearm on the wooden bar and traces the small cracks on it with his left pointer finger.</p><p>          The bartender, seeing a familiar presence, immediately takes out Doyoung's favorite red wine that they keep in stock just for him. There isn't a single person other than Doyoung that drinks expensive wine at the club, and keeping it can be a hassle, but his frequent visits bring in a lot of money so they deal with it.</p><p>          As the bartender silently hands him the wine glass, he observes Doyoung. Finally, he says, "Today's your birthday, huh."</p><p>          Doyoung does not respond and only takes a small sip.</p><p>          The bartender shakes his head. "Always the same," he says to himself, but Doyoung hears it and smirks.</p><p>          After the bartender leaves, Doyoung finally feels at peace. He turns to lean his back against the bar and closes his eyes while taking a slow sip of his wine.</p><p>         He sips his wine with his eyes closed for five minutes before his peace is interrupted again.</p><p>          "Aren't you tired of it?" a voice says, making Doyoung open only one eye. He glances at the owner of the voice. He has bright red hair that reminds Doyoung of a cherry and a camera around his neck.</p><p>          When Doyoung sees the camera, he immediately understands. "Oh," he says calmly. "You're one of <em>them</em>." He closes his eye.</p><p>          The red-haired man just blinks. "What?" he asks in confusion. Doyoung doesn't reply, but the man understands after three seconds. He immediately takes off his camera and places it on the bar. "Now I'm not."</p><p>          Doyoung's nose scrunches slightly in annoyance. "What do you want?" he asks, his voice laced with frigidness. This time, he opens both eyes.</p><p>          "You do the same, exact thing. Every day," the man replies. Doyoung's coldness seems to have no effect on him. The man only pushes forward with his absurdness. "Isn't it tiring?"</p><p>          "Paparazzi aren't allowed in here," Doyoung says curtly. "Leave me alone."</p><p>          "I'm not here as paparazzi. I'm here as Taeyong." The man doesn't smile nor does he frown.</p><p>          Doyoung suddenly feels an urge to throw his wine onto Taeyong. "And I'm here as someone who wants to be <em>left alone</em>."</p><p>          Taeyong only stares at Doyoung with no expression on his face. Doyoung glares back. "Fine," Taeyong says, breaking the silence after a few moments. He then picks up his camera and leaves.</p><p>          Doyoung watches Taeyong's back as he goes out the exit. He takes a sip of his wine and shrugs off the feeling of anxiety resting in his stomach. "That was weird," he murmurs to himself.</p><p>          He finishes his wine and heads home like his usual schedule.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>The next morning, the thing that wakes Doyoung up is not his usual alarm but a text from Heiran.</p><p>        </p><p>          Doyoung blinks a few times and reads it again. "Propo—" He sits up and covers his mouth in shock. "Pr-proposed?" For the first time in what feels like years, Doyoung feels awake. His eyes hurt from opening as wide as they do. He immediately texts her back.</p><p>        </p><p>          Heiran texts back right away.</p><p>        </p><p>          Doyoung rolls his eyes and types back anxiously.</p><p>        </p><p>          He almost drops his phone in surprise. Doyoung can't believe it. The only friend he's ever had is getting married.</p><p>
  
</p><p>          Doyoung falls backs onto his bed and stares at the ceiling. He thinks about how he met Heiran at university like she said they would. She was a medical student that was popular on campus for her bright personality and pretty looks. Often times, she'd stick to Doyoung like glue in efforts to become friends with him. And it worked. Eventually, Doyoung got used to it and stopped minding her presence. She went from being an annoying fruit fly to the familiar fall of cherry blossoms during springtime.</p><p>          After university and medical school, Heiran started her residency at a hospital near Doyoung's work. They would eventually meet up less and less as they both became busier. Heiran would always text Doyoung and sometimes ask him out for lunch. By the time it was Heiran's first year of residency, they would meet up only once every two months.</p><p>          As they both became more distant, it became clear to Doyoung that their lives were reaching a point where they would not entangle anymore. Heiran is getting married. But Doyoung still follows the same, exact routine day after day.</p><p>          He sighs to himself. His old friend has jumped onto another stepping stone of life. But Doyoung is stuck on the same rock. He has been for ages.</p><p>          However, he doesn't mind. The stone he is glued to is familiar and comforting. Although it is not exciting or thrilling, it is easy to deal with.</p><p>          So Doyoung ignores the usual feeling of tiredness and gets ready for work.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>The light that streams through the glass walls of Doyoung's office is not warm, nor is it comforting. The rays feel like a laser penetrating through Doyoung's suit jacket. He's annoyed at the sharp heat. The month of February has just begun, yet the weather is randomly warm.</p><p>          Doyoung leans back in his leather office-chair and closes his eyes. He rubs the temple of his forehead with his right hand. Recently, it feels like everything and anything is bothering him. All the events that happened just within the last twenty-four hours feel unordinary and alien. He's always had his life in control, like a neat ball of yarn. But it feels like someone has pulled on the string in an attempt to unravel the ball. Doyoung hates it.</p><p>          After opening his eyes again, Doyoung sits up straight in his chair and stretches his arms up. He takes off his suit jacket and places it on the back of his chair. After making sure there aren't any sweat stains on his dress shirt, he takes off the vest as well. He is about to resume working when suddenly, he hears hurried footsteps and running.</p><p>          The person who virtually crashes into his office is a face that is unpleasantly familiar to Doyoung. His cherry hair is a disheveled mess as if he just got out of bed.  At his feet are the same Adidas slides that Doyoung wears when he does his laundry outside. He's wearing a gray pair of sweatpants. Doyoung notices a coffee stain on the white shirt Taeyong is wearing, along with a blue flannel. Glasses rest on the bridge of Taeyong's nose.</p><p>          Taeyong breathes heavily after entering his office; his hands are on his knees. A few seconds later, the desk clerk from downstairs follows in, holding her heels in her hand. Doyoung can immediately tell that she ran after Taeyong barefoot. "Sorry," she barely wheezes out. "I couldn't—" She coughs a bit before continuing. "I couldn't stop him."</p><p>          Doyoung raises an eyebrow as he watches the two of them try to catch their breath. Finally, he shakes his head and sighs. "It's alright. I'll talk to him. Thank you." The clerk weakly nods and limps out.</p><p>          Taeyong takes in a deep breath and stands up straight. "Wow," he breathes out. His voice almost cracks. "There were <em>a lot</em> of floors."</p><p>          "Why are you here?" Doyoung says, right away. He closes the file on his desk and glances at Taeyong. "You look homeless."</p><p>          "Oh, shut the fuck up." Taeyong's eyebrows scrunch as his voice returns to normal. "Not everyone owns 365 designer suits for each day of the year."</p><p>          "Even I don't," Doyoung snaps back. "You ran up twelve stories to get here. You don't have anything important to say?"</p><p>          Taeyong frowns and sits at the guest chair across Doyoung. "What's the rush?"</p><p>          "I'm busy."</p><p>          Taeyong stares at Doyoung's nameplate before talking. "About yesterday. I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't mean to say what I said." Doyoung doesn't reply, so Taeyong continues. "But that doesn't mean I regret it. I won't apologize because the more I think about, the more it bothers me." He looks up and right into Doyoung's eyes. "Aren't you tired of it? Doing the same thing for years?"</p><p>          The sudden eye contact alarms Doyoung, and his stomach feels a bit queasy. "No. I'm not." He looks away from Taeyong's eyes and focuses on his eyebrows instead. "What would you know about what I do?" His voice sounds weak, almost a bit defeated. The tone surprises Doyoung.</p><p>          Taeyong scoffs. "My job has been to follow you around hoping that you do something different. I hate it." He rolls his eyes. "I've been doing this for a year. Can you imagine studying journalism for years the way I did and to only do this when starting my career?"</p><p>          The sudden harshness in Taeyong's voice makes Doyoung slightly agitated. "What do you mean?" His voice is low.</p><p>          "Not everyone has it easy like you. I want to be a reporter. But I can't just start where I want to. So I'm starting all the way at the bottom. I'm chasing after celebrities hoping to dig out some dirt on them in hopes of getting closer to what I actually want to do." Taeyong's voice is bitter and sharp. Doyoung is about to retort back at the "easy like you" comment, but Taeyong talks first. "That's not what I'm here to talk about though. As someone who has the assigned task to follow you around day after day, I can confirm you do nothing."</p><p>          Doyoung's heart thumps against his chest. He feels incredibly annoyed and has an urge to push the man in front of him off a building. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, there's a constant feeling of loneliness and sadness. It's throbbing, the same way it has for years. "Don't call my work<em> nothing</em>," he says, his voice breaking at the end.</p><p>          Taeyong is slowly yanking at the end of the yarn, urging the ball to unravel. Doyoung can only stand and watch as the bits of control he has built up start slipping through his fingers like sand. He can't understand why it's happening, but it is. Doyoung feels helpless and alone, and he just wants things to be quiet and normal again.</p><p>          "So you're not tired of it? You really want to keep living the way you are?" Taeyong's voice is cold and smooth. But to Doyoung, it feels taunting and malicious.</p><p>          Taeyong watches Doyoung clench his fist until his knuckles are white. He glances at Doyoung's face, looking for a reaction. But he just looks vacant. Finally, Doyoung replies.</p><p>          "No," he whispers. His fist unclenches, but his hands almost shake. "I don't."</p><p>          Taeyong has pulled the yarn too hard, and the ball is unraveling <em>fast</em>.</p><p>          Doyoung falls off the stone he has been glued to for years. </p><p>          But little does he know that Taeyong will be the gentle waves to carry him to the next one.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>Taeyong looks at Doyoung, slightly surprised. His face is one of pleasant shock as if he has expected this to happen, just not so early. His eyes hold a curious glint as he opens his mouth to speak. "What did you say?" he asks Doyoung.</p><p>          Doyoung now realizes that Taeyong's voice had never been malicious and that he was never looking down on him. It had all been in Doyoung's head. He can't put his finger on what has caused the shift in perspective, but it's too late now. Doyoung is defeated and raw.</p><p>          "You're right," Doyoung says. "It's tiring." He attempts to smooth out his voice, but he only sounds exhausted. Taeyong doesn't say anything. He's speechless at the sudden confession. "You've got your answer. Now leave." Doyoung looks down at his lap and waits for the sound of Taeyong's footsteps out.</p><p>          Taeyong watches Doyoung for a few seconds before nodding to himself. He gets up, slips his hands in his pockets, and saunters out the office.</p><p>          Once Doyoung hears the door close, he lets out a tired sigh and resumes his work.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>When Taeyong enters through his front door, he is overwhelmed by the smell of ramyeon, dirty laundry, and trash. The smell isn't unfamiliar, but the unusual strength of it makes Taeyong scrunch his nose.</p><p>          "Sungyeol, I'm home." He walks to the living room where he sees his roommate lying on the worn-out couch. Sungyeol's mother was renovating her own home, so she gave the old couch to her son and his roommate to use. Taeyong raises an eyebrow when he sees potato chip crumbs on Sungyeol's chest along with a tub of ice cream he was actively eating. "Yoo Sungyeol. You're disgusting."</p><p>          Sungyeol's eyes don't stray from the TV (also given by his mother). He stares intently at the romance drama that's playing. "As if we haven't lived like this, like, forever now. Did you get my text before coming back?"</p><p>          Taeyong reaches into his pocket to check his phone. He hadn't checked his phone after he went out to meet Doyoung.</p><p>        </p><p>          Sungyeol's phone rings when it gets the notification from Taeyong's late reply. He opens his phone and when he sees the text, he groans and shuts his eyes. "Awh man!" He then opens his eyes to glare at Taeyong. "Why didn't you check your phone earlier?" he whines. He glances at Taeyong's old Android phone. "And why do you still have that crusty piece of shit? Looks like 2011 trash."</p><p>          Taeyong rolls his eyes. "It's actually <em>2012 </em>trash. And it's the only phone I could afford." He sits down next to Sungyeol on the couch. Sungyeol sits up to face Taeyong. "Shouldn't you be studying?"</p><p>          The word "studying" makes Sungyeol look sick. He groans again. "Please. It's break. Bother me when the semester starts."</p><p>          "Alright." Taeyong nods to himself. "Take your break. I'm going to clean up. This is disgusting." Sungyeol lets out a fart at the word "disgusting." He starts cackling, and Taeyong hits him with a pillow on the couch. "<em>Disgusting</em>," he emphasizes as Sungyeol rolls off the couch from laughing.</p><p>          Sungyeol continues to laugh for five minutes before getting up to help Taeyong clean. After filling up three bags with trash, vacuuming all the rooms, doing the laundry, making beds, and wiping down tables and counter-tops, the two roommates flop down on the couch in exhaustion.</p><p>          "Man," Sungyeol wheezes out. "That took us two hours." Taeyong checks his phone and sees that it's true.</p><p>          "It probably would have taken less time if you didn't help me." Taeyong leans back and breathes in. The air smells more like disinfectant wipes now, but it's better than the old ramyeon smell.</p><p>          "Why do you look down on me so much?" Sungyeol says with dissatisfaction. "I mean, I know that I'm like five years younger than you, and I've failed my practice bar exam like three times—"</p><p>          "Three times isn't even that much. I'll seriously look down on you when you reach thirty. And stop practicing when you haven't even gone to law school yet." Taeyong chuckles a bit at his roommate's counterproductive actions.</p><p>          "Hey now," Sungyeol starts threateningly. Before he can continue, the sound of a notification from Taeyong's phone interrupts him.</p><p>          Taeyong opens his phone to check a text.</p><p>        </p><p>          Taeyong immediately understands who the sender is. After excitedly saving the contact information (he searched online for a picture of Doyoung), he hurriedly replies, making typos as he does so.</p><p>        </p><p>          Doyoung does not reply after that, but Taeyong trembles with giddiness. Sungyeol doesn't understand why Taeyong is smiling so much, but he shrugs it aside.</p><p>          Tonight, Taeyong plans on melting the stone-cold director of Skyline.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>At the dimly lit bar towards the back of the club, Doyoung sits at his usual seat, absent-mindedly tracing lines in the wood and taking small sips of his wine. Today, the bartender keeps his silence and doesn't say a word. The club itself is relatively crowded. It both blends Doyoung into the background yet contrasts him and sets him apart from the rest of the people. He takes another sip of his wine when his peace is suddenly interrupted with a text from his phone.</p><p>        </p><p>          After reminding himself to mute Taeyong's number later, he slips his phone into the pocket of his blazer and readies himself for the bombardment of questions. He sees Taeyong walking towards the bar. His glasses remain resting on his nose, but his hair is only slightly neater as if he ran a comb through his cherry hair once and was satisfied with it. Taeyong wears the same blue flannel from this morning, but he replaced the white shirt with a clean black one. Doyoung glances at the hole in Taeyong's black jeans; he can't tell if Taeyong is simply broke or fashionable. The thing that sticks out the most is the vibrant grin on Taeyong's face. The brilliant smile is the same as of a child getting his favorite candy.</p><p>          Doyoung is absolutely terrified.</p><p>          Taeyong sits down on the stool next to Doyoung's. He smiles at the bartender and says, "One beer, please. Straight up. And coke. On the rocks."</p><p>          "You could have just said without and with ice," the bartender mumbles under his breath, but he gets Taeyong his drinks.</p><p>          The whole time, Doyoung avoids looking at Taeyong. He traces the wood, but his palms are a bit sweaty. He takes a longer sip than usual of his wine.</p><p>          "So!" Taeyong begins brightly after taking a long chug of his beer. "This is crazy. Skyline's next-in-line CEO asked me out on a date!"</p><p>          Doyoung almost spits out his wine. "No," he says sharply. "That's <em>definitely not</em> it."</p><p>          "I was joking." Another swing of beer. Taeyong's halfway done. "It was dumb of me to ask you how you got my number. You're rich. Duh. <em>Of course</em>, you have access to stuff like that. The real question is, why did you call me here?" He glances at Doyoung, curious and expectant.</p><p>          For some reason, Doyoung can't answer the question. He would like to know the answer as well. "I don't know," he says after a while. "Why did I?" The question is more for himself than it is for Taeyong. He holds his breath for two seconds and speaks again. "You did something to me," he says to Taeyong.</p><p>          A delighted chuckle escapes Taeyong's mouth. "I know I'm pretty charming, but falling for me <em>that</em> quickly is kinda—"</p><p>          "No," Doyoung interrupts, feeling irritated. "Stop joking. Ever since you started bothering me, something feels off. I don't feel okay." Doyoung stares at the wooden bar again. "You did something."</p><p>          "All I did was call you out for your lack of social interaction." Taeyong finishes his beer. "Maybe you're just lonely," he says with a casual tone, but the words hit Doyoung hard.</p><p>          "Is that really it?" He shakes his head. "I don't care for that stuff. That's not right." Inside, he feels panicky and worried, but Doyoung's voice is smooth as ice.</p><p>          Taeyong moves on to his coke and takes a small sip. "Why wouldn't you care? All people need someone to hang out with. Life would be so boring without friends and family. What's the point of living if you're not being happy with others?" He takes another sip of his coke and glances thoughtfully at Doyoung. "You might as well be a zombie with no purpose in life."</p><p>          Suddenly, Doyoung finishes the rest of his wine all in one shot. "I don't understand." His voice begins to sound a bit anxious, and he feels himself losing control again. "If that's it, why would it be bothering me now? I've been fine before." He gives Taeyong a nervous look. Taeyong finds himself surprised; the usual stone-cold director is now a steaming train straying from its tracks.</p><p>          "Maybe it was always bothering you," he says carefully. "And you just realized it now." He looks away from Doyoung and fiddles with his fingers. "You're a smart guy. It's obvious that all you do is work. You never focus on doing useless things."</p><p>          "If it's useless, why should I do it?"</p><p>          "Because it's fun," Taeyong says, suddenly feeling excited. "Listen, just because it's not something that gives you any physical benefits doesn't mean it's useless." He shakes his head and tries to slow down his words. "There are things that don't give you tangible benefits, but they make you happy. Like candy or games, y'know?"</p><p>          "I despise things like that," Doyoung says tiredly.</p><p>          "Man, you're missing out on the sweetness of life. You're not gaining anything from living this way. You're not actually happy." Taeyong, feeling determined, rushes his words. "I'll show you, just how much fun you can have from doing nothing."</p><p>          The last sentence suddenly snaps Doyoung back into his lonely reality. "What am I even doing?" he murmurs to himself. He suddenly gets up and leaves.</p><p>          Taeyong only smiles to himself, already planning what he would do next. He finishes his coke and walks out of the club with light steps.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Doyoung wakes up, the first thing he experiences is a wave of regret. The overdue embarrassment and shock wash over him like a splash of ice-cold water onto his back. He groans and covers his face with his hands as he thinks of last night.</p><p>          "Why did I do that?" he mutters to himself. He rubs his eyes and checks his phone. There's a text from Taeyong from last night, but instead of opening it, Doyoung mutes the notifications. He then rolls out of bed to get ready for the day.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>After working for almost eight straight hours, Doyoung tears his eyes away from his laptop and the files on his desk to look out the glass wall. The sky is cloudy; it will probably rain later.</p><p>          Doyoung checks his phone and opens the text from Taeyong out of curiosity.</p><p>        </p><p>          Doyoung rolls his eyes and continues to work.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>Three and a half hours later, Doyoung checks his phone again.</p><p>        </p><p>          Doyoung chuckles to himself and continues to work again.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>At 7:30, Doyoung neatly closes his laptop and puts away files. He puts on his coat and loosens his tie. Before he leaves his office, he looks outside again. It's pouring rain.</p><p>          He grabs the umbrella by his desk before leaving.</p><p>          Doyoung is about to step out of the building when he remembers Taeyong's text. "There's no way..." he says to himself, but he feels his eyebrows furrow together. Suddenly, instead of walking out of the building, Doyoung runs back inside and hurries to the elevator to go to the garage. "Come on, come on," he anxiously murmurs, not aware he's doing so. As the elevator slowly descends from the ninth floor, Doyoung gives up on it and runs down the stairs instead.</p><p>          When he gets to his car, he drives out of the company building and towards the Han River as fast as he can.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>Doyoung runs along the sidewalk next to the river, searching for a man with bright red hair and who dresses like he's homeless. Doyoung is carrying his umbrella, but he's running so fast that the umbrella stays behind him from the wind, and the hard pellets of rain land on him instead.</p><p><em>          Hopefully, he's not here,</em> Doyoung thinks to himself. <em>He should have left by now.</em> But his gut tells him that Taeyong is still here.</p><p>          After running and looking a bit more, he finally spots a man sitting on a bench. His hair now looks mahogany as it drips wet against his forehead. He's slumped over as the rain beats down on him.</p><p>          Doyoung runs over and puts the umbrella over Taeyong right away. "What are you doing here?" Doyoung asks, his voice filled with anxiousness and worry. "What's wrong with you?"</p><p>          Taeyong looks up and even though he is shivering from the rain, he gives a warm smile. "You came. I knew you would. Just like how you knew I would be here."</p><p>          "Are you joking right now?" Doyoung is almost yelling. His eyes widen, and he glares at Taeyong. "What, are you a comedian?"</p><p>          Instead of replying, Taeyong lets out a laugh. "I think you're the comedian here." He glances at Doyoung and notices he is slightly wet, but he doesn't comment on it. "Anyways, now that you're here, let's go." He gets up and stands next to Doyoung under the umbrella.</p><p>          "Go where? You're drenched!" Doyoung bites his lip in frustration. "And you're obviously very cold." Taeyong is wearing only a hoodie with sweatpants, but both are soaked from the rain.</p><p>          "You talk too much," Taeyong says, grabbing the umbrella from Doyoung. With his other hand, he grabs Doyoung's hand. It's warm unlike Taeyong's. He starts to pull Doyoung, and they walk in silence to a convenience store.</p><p>          When they get inside, Doyoung immediately forces Taeyong to sit on the chair facing the counter on the store window. It reminds him of a low-budget version of the bar where he and Taeyong first met. "Wait here," Doyoung says firmly. When Taeyong doesn't respond, he leaves him there and looks throughout the store. When he finds the hand warmers, he grabs every single one on the shelf. He also spots a small towel and takes that as well. When he goes over to pay, he realizes that he's been acting without thinking.</p><p>          Doyoung hesitates walking over to Taeyong, but he does so anyway and gives him the towel and hand warmers. "Wow. Thoughtful," Taeyong says as he immediately makes use of the things Doyoung got for him. "As much as I appreciate this, this isn't why I brought you here."</p><p>          "Do you not check the weather? Why did you wait in the rain?" Doyoung's voice is firm, but there's a hint of worry in it that only Taeyong notices.</p><p>          "Actually, I didn't check the weather. I didn't know it would rain." Taeyong stuffs some of the hand warmers into his hoodie and then continues to talk. "Anyways, that didn't go as I planned. But now that we're here..." Taeyong leans closer to Doyoung who instinctively leans away. "Have you ever eaten ramyeon?"</p><p>          Doyoung blinks. "Wha—"</p><p>          "Of course you haven't." Taeyong rolls his eyes but also smiles to himself. "I bet you don't even know what ramyeon is." Before Doyoung could protest, <em>"Yes, I very much do know what ramyeon is," </em>Taeyong gets up and leaves Doyoung sitting at the counter bar. He heads over to the ramyeon aisle and grabs two bowls of spicy ramyeon. He goes to pay, but the store clerk talks before scanning the bowls.</p><p>          "You know we have a deal going on. If you can finish it before the current best record from all the customers, you can eat it for free."</p><p>          Taeyong grins. "Perfect. I'll put water in it first. I'll call you over when we eat it so you can time us."</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>The only thing Doyoung can do is stare at the dark, red liquid and the noodles in it. The sharp smell stings his nose. But he notices Taeyong lick his lips in delight, so he thinks to himself that it probably isn't as bad as he initially thought.</p><p>          The store employee stands behind them, using his phone as a timer. "I'll start when you do."</p><p>          Taeyong rubs his hands together and suddenly, Doyoung feels a twang in his stomach. He can't tell if it's because he's nervous to eat poor people food or because he has a desire to prove Taeyong wrong. He thinks it's both, but he quickly forgets the feeling when he sees Taeyong pick up his chopsticks. "Are you ready?" he asks Doyoung. Doyoung picks up his own and only weakly nods.</p><p>          At the same time, they both pick up the noodles and begin to eat. Taeyong quickly scarfs it down, but Doyoung is in shock.</p><p>          The noodles fall out of his mouth and back into the bowl. "I <em>hate</em> this."</p><p>          By now, Taeyong has somehow miraculously finished his whole bowl, and Doyoung cannot even believe how that's possible when he's only tried one bite. Taeyong glances at Doyoung in slight shock, disgust, and also excitement. "What do you mean you hate it? You can eat frogs and snails, but you can't even eat the dish of the gods?"</p><p>          "I have <em>never</em> eaten snails or fr—" Doyoung begins to say, but before he can finish, Taeyong grabs his bowl and finishes it within 10 seconds.</p><p>          "Time!" he manages to spit out along with some chunks of noodles. The store employee stares at him in disgust and awe as he stops the timer.</p><p>          "Uh, you win, it's free." He quickly scurries away.</p><p>          "Did you see that!" Taeyong asks Doyoung. "We got free food! All thanks to me!" A smug smile appears on his face, the same of a child that gets more than four words correct in a spelling bee.</p><p>          "That was so useless," Doyoung says exasperatedly. "I could have just paid for it."</p><p>          "That wouldn't be as fun! This is the beauty of life," Taeyong says as he smiles more widely. "Commoners like us do stupid things for free food."</p><p>          "If this is the beauty of life, then I want to die."</p><p>          "Oh come on, you really think that was useless? Boring? The thrill of finishing spicy ramyeon in that little time is something you could have experienced if you actually tried it."</p><p>          Doyoung starts to feel irritated again. Arguing over ramyeon seems like a waste of time when he could be getting some work done. "Enough. Do you have a ride home? I need to leave," he says, glancing at his watch. He had been worried about Taeyong waiting in the rain, but seeing how talkative he is now, the worry has been replaced with a sense of annoyance.</p><p>          Taeyong stops smiling and glances at the empty bowls. "It's fine," he says with a shrug. "You can leave then."</p><p>          Doyoung glances at Taeyong one more time, and the sense of annoyance is now replaced with a feeling of guilt. "Okay." He stares at the bowls as well for a bit before talking again. "Sorry for making you wait. Make sure you buy an umbrella." He glances at Taeyong one last time before walking out the store. As he leaves, he can't help but feel disdain towards himself for rushing up to Taeyong's side without even thinking. And he can't understand why he did so either.</p><p>          Taeyong finally looks up from the bowls to watch Doyoung walk back towards wherever he parked his car. "I failed," he says with a dreary sigh, and he sits back down on the chair. "I'll just have to try harder then." He calls out to the store employee, "Hey, can I try beating my own record for another bowl?"</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>"Where were you?" Sungyeol asks as Taeyong steps inside their home. He shakes off his 3,000 won umbrella before bringing it inside and throwing it away in the trash. "It's late, did you bring dinner?"</p><p>          "No, but I ate already. I had three bowls of ramyeon." Taeyong sits down on the worn-out couch next to Sungyeol. Suddenly, he feels exhausted and tired. He takes out the hot packs from his hoodie and relaxes into the seat.</p><p>          "Did you bring any for me?"</p><p>          "No. I broke our record from last time."</p><p>          Sungyeol's eyes widen. "By how much? You didn't do it by a lot, right? I told you, we have to decrease it by two seconds each time so that we can beat it whenever we go."</p><p>          Taeyong closes his eyes, and his mind wanders to thoughts of Doyoung. "We're never eating free ramyeon again. I was trying to impress someone, so I went all out." Before Sungyeol can even begin screeching in protests, Taeyong gets up and waddles to the restroom. </p><p>          As he takes off his clothes and turns the hot water on, he thinks of how cold and confined Doyoung is. He steps into the shower and ponders on why Doyoung keeps pushing him away.</p><p>          Taeyong has always been friendly and outgoing. Since birth, he would make connections with people in the blink of an eye, and he somehow had this ability to understand someone just through one conversation. Reaching out to people is something he actually <em>enjoys </em>doing.</p><p>          But Doyoung is the complete opposite. He builds a wall around him for no reason and whenever Taeyong tries to climb over it, Doyoung pushes him over and builds a higher wall around the first.</p><p>
  <em>          "I don't care for that stuff."</em>
</p><p>          At least that's what Doyoung said. He <em>said</em> he doesn't care about being alone, but everyone cares about that. They have to.</p><p>
  <em>          Right?</em>
</p><p>          Taeyong steps out of the shower and grabs a towel to put around his waist. Doyoung has also always been a hard worker. He works like his life depends on it. But to Taeyong, there's no use in working hard if the outcome doesn't make you happy. And Doyoung certainly does not <em>seem </em>happy. He seems worn out, like a marker stain on a wall that a parent tries to wash away but just can't.</p><p>          By the time Taeyong puts his glasses back on, he's come to a resolution. That he absolutely must break down every single wall Doyoung has. No matter how many more he'll try to build, Taeyong will knock them all over in order to make the connection. </p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ─── </p><p>The drive home is eerily quiet in a sense that is completely uncomfortable. The back of Doyoung's neck feels cold as if a breeze is constantly tickling the small hairs there. The awkward feeling of not being able to control everything is back, and Doyoung cannot seem to shake it off.</p><p>          He cannot believe that two out-of-the-ordinary things happened today. The first being, he threw everything aside to go see Taeyong. The thought of it washes over him as he stops at a red light, and the embarrassment causes him to hide his head on the steering wheel, leading the horn to blow as he does so.</p><p>          Doyoung jerks up, even more self-conscious. He shakes his head and tries to control his breathing as if it will make everything normal again.</p><p>
  <em>          What is going on?</em>
</p><p>          The second thing he's done that he categorically deplores over is that he voluntarily <em>held</em> Taeyong's hand and <em>watched</em> him eat ramyeon in the most disgusting manner possible. The thought makes Doyoung shiver as the light turns green, and he continues to drive.</p><p>          The past few days of knowing Taeyong has turned Doyoung's life upside down in ways Doyoung didn't know was possible. It's as if Taeyong is ripping up a hard copy of Doyoung's perfectly set schedules, line by line, right in front of his face.</p><p>          But as uncomfortable as it is, there's a slight thrill that Doyoung hasn't felt in a long time. It's the same as when his mother took him on the Viking ship at an amusement park, and he would scream in both fear and delight as the ship went down. Then his stomach would do that weird feeling of turning itself inside out. He had loved it then, but he finds himself hating it now.</p><p>          To shake off the sudden reappearing memories, Doyoung turns on the news radio. He listens to ads about soap and sponsorships as the rain lightly beats down around him.</p><p>          "Tryouts are coming soon for your local SBS news station! As long as you have experience in broadcast, journalism, or mass communications, feel free to come in with your resume. Dates and times will be listed soon on our website."</p><p>          Suddenly, Doyoung has an idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Taeyong wakes up, his mind is groggy as it flashes back to the events of yesterday. He rubs his eyes and thinks of Doyoung, realizing that said person has been on his mind a lot.</p>
<p>          As the sun filters in through the dusty window, Taeyong rolls to his side and stretches his arms. Then, he rolls back and closes his eyes again.</p>
<p>            Instead of going back to sleep, however, Taeyong thinks of Doyoung even more. He can't figure out what to do with him, but he does know that after getting this far, he can't abandon Doyoung either.</p>
<p>          Something is weighing down Doyoung's shoulders, and Taeyong has the feeling that's he's the closest who's ever gotten to sharing that burden.</p>
<p>          As he begins to slip off into sleep again, suddenly, Taeyong's phone rings. He tiredly picks it up from the table next to his bed and puts it to his ear.</p>
<p>          "Hello?" he says, his voice deep and husky from just waking up.</p>
<p>          "Hello? Did you just wake up?" the voice on the other end asks. "It's 1:07."</p>
<p>          Taeyong finally opens his eyes and looks at his phone screen. It is indeed past noon. But as Taeyong notices the caller, he jerks up straight, feeling more awake than ever.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung!!! Nice of you to call! Checking up on me because you're worried, huh?" he says, gleefully. He chuckles to himself as he hears Doyoung's exasperated sigh on the other side of the line.</p>
<p>          "I'm hanging up."</p>
<p>          "Wait, no! I'm kidding!! What's up?"</p>
<p>          "Nothing, you just weren't replying to my text. Look at it now." Doyoung hangs up after that, leaving Taeyong to an empty line.</p>
<p>          "Hmm, what a dom," Taeyong muses to himself as he opens his phone.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          And so Taeyong reads the flyer. Then, he understands.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The air outside is slightly chilly, and there's a biting breeze. But the sunlight somehow counters the cold to make the environment pleasing. Taeyong comfortably walks past the array of trees to the Skyline company building. He had texted Doyoung to meet him outside when he can.</p>
<p>          Taeyong sits down on a bench near the entrance and watches two birds flit around at the branches of a bare tree. He feels calm yet excited, a feeling of joy he hasn't experienced in a while.</p>
<p>          As he basks in his own comfort, he suddenly sees a girl in front of him. "Hi, do you mind if I sit down next to you?" she asks, offering a smile.</p>
<p>          Immediately, Taeyong sits up straight. <em>She's really pretty.</em> "Uhhhh. Uhhh. Uhmm. Uhhh. No," he stammers out.</p>
<p>          "Thank you," she says as she sits down.</p>
<p>          Taeyong suddenly feels much more conscious of himself. All he's wearing is a pair of joggers, an old sweatshirt, and a coat over it. The girl next to him seems to have the luxury of being able to buy high-quality clothes, judging from her black heeled boots, alligator skin bag, and beige overcoat. She wears a red, wool scarf around her neck, and Taeyong thinks it's kind of cute how her chin is slightly tucked into it.</p>
<p>          "Nice weather we're having," he says, staring at the trees as he tries to avoid eye contact.</p>
<p>          The girl laughs. Her laugh is pretty too. It reminds Taeyong of the tinkling of a wind chime or the scattering of flower petals during spring. "It's a bit cold. But it's definitely a nice kind of a day."</p>
<p>          At this moment, the girl's eyes brighten and she stands up. "Doyoung!"</p>
<p>          Taeyong looks to see who she's noticed, and it is indeed the same Doyoung as his. </p>
<p>          Doyoung looks at both of them, and he closes his eyes. "This can't be real," he says to himself. He opens his eyes and sighs. "It's real."</p>
<p>          Taeyong also stands up and smiles. "Something wrong, buddy?"</p>
<p>          Heiran glances at Taeyong. "You two know each other! What a coincidence! No, this must be fate!"</p>
<p>          The two of them smile at each other eagerly as Doyoung tries to hold back his tears. "I think it's just bad luck." His heart pounds against his chest, and the breeze doesn't feel so cold anymore. The unlikely chance of the two most annoying people he knows meeting each other actually occurred, and they've already begun to hit it off.</p>
<p>          "Anyways, we're going wedding dress shopping," Heiran says. "That's why I called you." She glances at Taeyong. "Unless you had plans with him?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong shrugs. Then he realizes what he's just heard. "Huh? Wait, what?" Taeyong shakes his head. "Nevermind." His heart feels heavy, and he realizes why. "You're getting married?" he says to Heiran. "To him?" He points to Doyoung.</p>
<p>          At this point, Doyoung wants to yell. "No!" he says. "I would never marry Heiran!"</p>
<p>          Heiran scoffs in reply. "As if I would ever marry you."</p>
<p>          "Then... Doyoung is getting a wedding dress?" Taeyong asks hopefully. He's barely gotten an opportunity to even introduce himself to the nice lady.</p>
<p>          "What? No!" Doyoung throws his hands up in exasperation. "You had something to tell me, right?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong shakes his head. "No. Forget about it." He sighs to himself. He's more upset than he thought. He found out that the pretty girl is getting married before even finding out her name. "I never stood a chance," he murmurs to himself. "Anyways, I'll see you later!" He waves at Heiran and Doyoung before skipping off.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Something is bothering Doyoung and as usual, he cannot seem to figure out what it is. His stomach feels heavy as if it's a jar filled with stones. It's as if a fly is buzzing around his neck, its flittering wings tickling the small hairs there. He bites his lip and focuses on the road, but his mind is astray to thoughts of Taeyong.</p>
<p>          "Your friend is cute," Heiran says. She applies lip gloss by looking at the side mirror on the passenger side. She smacks her lips together and continues. "I'm surprised you know someone like that."</p>
<p>          Doyoung rolls his eyes. "That person is just like you. I thought dealing with you is enough, but now there's double the annoyance."</p>
<p>          "You say that, but here you are, hanging out with me instead of working."</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs to himself. Normally, he would not have blown off work to help a friend look for dresses, especially when he doesn't know much about the subject. But it feels like he hasn't seen Heiran in so long that there's an anxious feeling of losing out an opportunity to talk with her again. Being with her now is like barely catching onto a kite string before the wind carries it far away.</p>
<p>          "Is there anything specific you want for a wedding present?"</p>
<p>          "I like this car. Is it new?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung can't help but chuckle to himself. "Yes. But you can have it."</p>
<p>          Heiran smiles. "That was easy. But then again, you have more cars than I have fingers and toes." She hums to herself for a bit before talking again. "Your friend was waiting for you."</p>
<p>          "He was. And then he left."</p>
<p>          "I think he may have developed a little crush on me."</p>
<p>          Doyoung almost chokes on nothing. "As if." Heiran laughs because she's joking, but the thought makes his stomach turn. He can't figure out why, but he's uncomfortable about it. So he stops thinking about it and drives to the dress boutique in silence.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong was mindlessly strolling between the trees when he suddenly got a text.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When Taeyong arrives at the cafe, he sees Heiran sitting down near a window. She takes a sip of her drink, and Taeyong notices another cup on the table across from her. He walks over and takes a seat.</p>
<p>          "Hi," Heiran says, offering a smile. "I didn't know what you would like, but Doyoung said you and I are alike. So I got you the same thing."</p>
<p>          Taeyong takes a sip, and the gentle flavor of caramel frappuccino engulfs his mouth. He sets the cup down. "Perfect. I love sweet drinks." As if he needs any more evidence that the woman of his dreams sitting right in front of him.</p>
<p>          "Unlike Doyoung. He's a black coffee addict." Heiran sighs and looks out the window. "I actually don't have much time today, but I really wanted to talk to you. I'll cut to the chase, all you need to do is listen." She looks back at Taeyong. "You've noticed that Doyoung has a habit of closing himself away from people, right?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong nods, not sure what she wants to talk about.</p>
<p>          Heiran lays her fingers on the table. Unlike Doyoung's smooth tracing, she is much more anxious and energetic. Her fingers soundlessly tap against the wood, going in the same pattern. "Doyoung is a very lonely person. I think the only reason he ever became friends with me is because of that. He hated me at first, you know. But I think he hates being alone more.</p>
<p>          "But I don't think he'd ever confess to something like that. In fact, I don't even think he realizes it." Heiran looks at Taeyong again. "I don't want to see him lonely."</p>
<p>          "Why are you bringing this up?" Taeyong asks.</p>
<p>          "Taeyong, I'm moving to the States with my fiancee after we get married. I'm not going to be here anymore." Taeyong only blinks in reply. "This is going to sound conceited, but I'm his only friend. After I'm gone, he'll be alone again. But you're here.</p>
<p>          "Listen, I'm sure if you stick to him like glue, just as I did, he'll see you as a trustworthy friend too. He will become grateful to you as well. I'm sure of it. Because you and I are the same."</p>
<p>          For some reason, Taeyong feels lost in the conversation. Although he knows exactly what Heiran is talking about, he can't seem to follow. So he just continues to listen to her talk.</p>
<p>          "What I'm trying to say is, if Doyoung is alone again, I don't know what will happen. Even as of lately, I've been seeing him less and less. But once I leave, he really won't have anyone. I know it's selfish of me to ask you about this, but I think you'll understand since you must see him as a friend as well. You have to help him, Taeyong. At this point, I think only you can." </p>
<p>          Taeyong takes another sip of his drink. "I'll try," he says after setting his drink down. "I mean, I've wanted to anyways. He's not like any other person I've met."</p>
<p>          Heiran pulls out a white envelope from her bag. "This is my wedding invitation. It's in a while actually, six more months. But I like to be prepared." She slides it to Taeyong. "I would like you to come. Come with Doyoung, please."</p>
<p>          Taeyong picks up the invitation and looks at it. "Have you told Doyoung yet? That you're leaving?"</p>
<p>          "I was going to tell him later... Maybe after the wedding." She looks down at her lap. "I don't know, maybe sooner will be better." Suddenly, her phone rings. Heiran looks at the message on it and glances at Taeyong. "I'm sorry Taeyong, it seems like I have to go now." As she stands up, Taeyong does as well.</p>
<p>          "Don't worry. I'm going to stick onto him until death. I'll make sure he's never lonely, ever."</p>
<p>          Heiran smiles at him as she puts on her coat. "Thank you so much. You're a wonderful person. I'm very grateful that you've entered Doyoung's life."</p>
<p>          Taeyong is too.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong sits and watches outside after Heiran leaves. He finishes his drink; he doesn't usually have the luxury of buying high-quality coffee. He watches people walk and thinks of how interesting it is that each person is out there, doing their own thing. He watches the cars drive by and thinks of how there's so many, yet each person inside is driving to their own unique destination, with a goal specific to themselves.</p>
<p>          After he finishes, Taeyong goes outside and walks around. The sky is bright blue with dashes of white. The air bites his nose, leaving it frigid and stiff in a way that's enjoyable since the rest of him feels so warm. Taeyong purposely breathes with his mouth, watching the air come out in gentle masses.</p>
<p>          Somehow, being like this feels good. Just good. There are no worries about paying the bills or finding a better job or doing the laundry. Taeyong thinks to himself that the ideal heaven would be just walking outside all day in beautiful scenery.</p>
<p>          "Oh, but there would be dogs too," he says to himself, slightly chuckling.</p>
<p>          When his phone rings, it's reality again, and the thought of dogs and blue skies disappear to the back of his mind. Taeyong answers the call, already grinning to himself.</p>
<p>          "Missed me?"</p>
<p>          "I'm going to hang up."</p>
<p>          "No, you're not. You called me for a reason. You wouldn't hang up right now. You should stop being such an embodiment of a tsundere... Wait, you're more of a kuudere."</p>
<p>          The sigh that Doyoung gives out is audible through the phone. "What are you talking about? I don't speak Chinese. Anyways, I called because—"</p>
<p>          Taeyong almost screams. "What did you say? My weeb self is insulted."</p>
<p>          "What does that mean? Does that mean stupid? Because you're stupid."</p>
<p>          Taeyong can't help but shrug because Doyoung is not wrong, but he shakes it off. "Okay, I'll introduce you to the world of Naruto and hentai later. So why did you call?"</p>
<p>          "Why did you visit me earlier?"</p>
<p>          "Oh." Taeyong reaches a crosswalk. He pauses for a bit and continues to walk before replying. "Well... I was wondering if you would help me prepare for my tryouts. I already have a resume and stuff, but I meant maybe you can practice interviewing me. Oh, you could also—"</p>
<p>          "The first thing we need to do is fix your ridiculous hair. Send me your location. I'm on my way."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When Doyoung pulls up, Taeyong's eyes go wide.</p>
<p>          "Woah, woah, woah!" He runs his hands across the top. "Woah. I've always wanted a Mustang like this. Wow." </p>
<p>          Doyoung rolls down the window to the passenger seat and leans across. "Hands off. Or you're walking."</p>
<p>          Taeyong shrugs and gets inside. "You know, I'm surprised you said you'd help me," he says as he puts on the seatbelt. "I thought you'd tell me to screw off so that you can enjoy your emo solitude on your own."</p>
<p>          Doyoung does not reply, but he sighs to himself. He, too, wonders why he's agreed to help Taeyong. Taeyong's always been an annoying presence and even now, Doyoung feels the urge to throw him off a building. Yet it doesn't feel right to completely ignore him. If there's one thing that Doyoung despises, it's loose ends. To leave one hanging is the same as walking around with your fly unzipped. To tie up the loose end, Doyoung either has to completely annihilate Taeyong from his life or completely integrate him. The former seems more difficult so, in a sense, it feels like he's already made his decision.</p>
<p>          However, Doyoung doesn't say it out loud. Perhaps he's still hoping that Taeyong can make the decision for him, and he'll make the decision that is easier.</p>
<p>          "Maybe if you're properly employed, you won't blame me for your poorness anymore. Get a stable income and a life. Then, you won't have the time to bother me anymore."</p>
<p>          Hearing this, Taeyong cannot help but scoff to himself. He thinks it's the first time he's ever scoffed in his life; there aren't many moments where he feels superior to someone. "<em>I </em>need to get a life? What about you?"</p>
<p>          "I live my life in a way that I enjoy it," Doyoung says, looking ahead to the road. "I was fine until you came along."</p>
<p>          "You really weren't. You were just a robot." Taeyong glances at Doyoung. "You need someone like me to spice up your life. You can't only eat bread your entire life. Gotta get some ramyeon in there too."</p>
<p>          "I don't understand what you're saying half the time you open your mouth."</p>
<p>          Doyoung parks on the street and gets out the same time Taeyong does.</p>
<p>          Taeyong stares at the salon that seems to have suddenly appeared in front of him. "Man, I don't think I can afford this."</p>
<p>          "What are you talking about? Even normal people go here. You're broke now, but you'll have a job soon. Let's go." Doyoung slips his hands in his pocket and calmly walks in, leaving Taeyong outside, staring at the sign. He slowly trudges in after.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"No. Absolutely <em>no</em> black," Taeyong says firmly. He bites his lip. He feels like he might cry any second. "Do you know how much Kool-Aid it took to get this color?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung stands behind the chair Taeyong is sitting at. The hair-stylist scratches the back of her neck as she watches the two talk. </p>
<p>          "Black is a professional color. You can't walk in there with your Kool-Aid hair, thinking they'll take you seriously." He crosses his arms and turns to the hairstylist. "Dye it completely black, please. Trim the sides. Could you make it a six-four part? Maybe perm it slightly wavy." He turns back to Taeyong. "Call me when you're done." With that, Doyoung walks out of the store, leaving an almost crying Taeyong trapped in his seat.</p>
<p>          The hairstylist puts the apron around his neck and leans in to softly say, "If you want, I can make it a medium brown. It's still professional."</p>
<p>          The only thing Taeyong can do is nod.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung drives back to work, hoping to make up for the time wasted on Heiran and Taeyong. The silence during the drive is relaxing, and it envelopes him like a warm blanket. At the back of his mind, he thinks of the recent events of his life. Things have been more chaotic than usual. At first, the tsunamis of irregularity had unsettled Doyoung, throwing him around and making a mockery of his ordered lifestyle. At least now, Doyoung has a life jacket and a boat. Everything is wrong, but he at least feels somewhat prepared.</p>
<p>          Nevertheless, even if Doyoung is now able to ride the waves without freaking out, there's still something off and unsettling. The fly is gone and is now replaced by a cold breath on the back of his neck, and he doesn't know who or what is behind it. It would be cheesy to say that Doyoung is an emotionless robot, yet he thinks he sort of is. Emotions come from experiences and until now, there hadn't been any experiences to invite such emotions.</p>
<p>          He sighs to himself and tries not to think too much about it. After all, it's when he doesn't think that things feel okay. But even that is <em>not</em> okay because thinking is the only thing that Doyoung knows he can do right.</p>
<p>          When he hears his phone ring, he puts it on speaker. "Assistant Kang? What is it?"</p>
<p>          The voice struggles to speak, as if the words about to be let out are warning the speaker to keep them in. Ms. Kang clears her throat. "Mrs. Kim called."</p>
<p>          A chill immediately runs up Doyoung's arms and settles into his stomach like an ice-cold rock. He swallows the air in his throat and tries to speak without letting his voice shake. "Thank you for letting me know." He hangs up and tries to remind himself how to breathe.</p>
<p>          Right. This is the familiar feeling. No matter how many people barge into his life, saying that they'll make him feel better, it doesn't change the fact that it's always been like this. Doyoung is back in the tsunami with nothing to help him. There's cold wind slapping him in the face and freezing waters dragging him down, inviting him to sink in.</p>
<p>          This is how it always is. Doyoung is alone and he always will be.</p>
<p>          He is back to square one.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The gentle waves of music playing in the background, along with a slight tap on his shoulder, wake Taeyong up. He makes an effort to open his eyes, but it feels like lead weights are hanging off his eyelashes. As he sits up straight, he feels his back crack and stretch, making him more awake only by a margin. "Hmhhphh?" he mumbles as his vision clears. The sound of music feels more distinct, and Taeyong notices the hairstylist standing in front of him. There is exhaustion on her face but also a look of satisfaction, like an artist standing before her Starry Night.</p>
<p>          She smiles gently and takes the apron off of Taeyong. "You're finally done! It looks really good." She blushes slightly, and her eyes widen at her own words. "Well, I meant," she rushes to say, "I'm not complimenting my own skill." She clears her throat and glances away. "I meant you look <em>really </em>good. Here, look." She moves aside to let Taeyong look at the mirror.</p>
<p>          He blinks and nods slightly, although he had only been half-listening. Taeyong looks at the mirror, but he can't see anything, probably because he thinks he's still sleeping. A moment passes, and reality finally reminds him of the reason he is where he is.</p>
<p>          "What do you think?" the hairstylist asks softly.</p>
<p>          Taeyong cannot believe his own eyes, and he finally becomes fully alert. The person he sees in the mirror no longer looks immature and sloppy. A seemingly composed Taeyong stares back from the mirror. Without his messy tomato hair, Taeyong seems more mature. He looks like the clean-cut news anchors he had admired for so many years.</p>
<p>          The realization that the person he sees is himself hits him hard. "Hair makes this much of a difference?" He feels a warm wave of confidence wash over him with leftover bubbles of slight embarrassment. "Why did I even use Kool-Aid before?" he murmurs under his breath. He turns to the hairstylist and grins widely. "Thank you so much! You're amazing!"</p>
<p>          Taeyong looks at himself one more time in the mirror and winks to himself. He can't help it. "Wow," he says. "I look like I actually eat three meals a day!"</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong stands outside and calls Doyoung. The wind tickles the back of his neck, and he watches leaves gently scattering on the sidewalk. The sky is showing signs of darkening soon, and the previous gentle blue is replaced with pink clouds and a lavender hue.</p>
<p>          Taeyong notices that Doyoung has picked up, but before he can say anything, he is interrupted. "I have to apologize. I won't be able to pick you up," Doyoung says, his voice laced with coolness.</p>
<p>          "Wait, what?" Taeyong shakes his head. "Did something happen? Do I have to walk home?"</p>
<p>          "It is what it is. I understand it's incredibly rude of me to suddenly do this. I'm very sorry. But something came up." Doyoung is about to hang up, but the sudden tepidness in his voice sends off alarms that Taeyong cannot ignore. It makes him panic that there is no annoyance or badger in his voice. He can only hear the smooth voice of a distant businessman, and it feels <em>wrong</em>.</p>
<p>          "Wait, wait, wait!" Taeyong feels like a boulder smashing through a thin wall of glass, but he feels that if he doesn't speak now, he'll regret it. "Doyoung, um, listen. You don't need to say anything, just listen." He takes a deep breath and continues. "I thought that maybe we were starting to get along. I was really glad that you decided to help me. You even approached me first! But you suddenly doing this is weird." He pauses and looks at his shoes nervously. "Did I do something wrong?"</p>
<p>          There is an audible sigh through the phone, but it doesn't seem like one of annoyance. It sounds like debilitation and surrendering. "It's a personal matter, Taeyong. I apologize again, but I have to go."</p>
<p>          "WAIT!" After crashing through the glass wall, Taeyong is now a fast-rolling ball, skidding down a hill with no means of stopping. "As I said, I thought you were getting used to me. I really like being around you, y'know? Uhm. So." Taeyong now glances up at the sky. "I hope you don't feel alone. If things are a bit unsettling for you right now, I hope that you don't force yourself to act like some emo robot. You're human, and you can't help but feel certain ways. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if you don't like it, I'm here for you. Uhhh. So, yeah, please treat yourself better." Taeyong is stuttering at the end, and he feels his right ear burn red the way it always does whenever he feels embarrassed.</p>
<p>          There is a horrendous moment of silence before Doyoung speaks. "Why did you tell me all that?"</p>
<p>          "I don't know. I felt like you needed to hear it." Taeyong puts a hand in his pocket and sighs to himself. "I'm sorry if I'm being pushy. I just wanted to let you know that it's alright to have some useless emotions. That's just how we are. And I feel like you haven't done anything useless in a while. And you should. For your own sake."</p>
<p>          Doyoung is quiet again before he speaks. "Okay. I'll keep that in mind." Taeyong thinks that Doyoung's hung up before his voice speaks one last time. "Thank you."</p>
<p>          As he puts his phone in his pocket, Taeyong smiles to himself and begins to walk home.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The sounds of Sungyeol screeching and furiously tapping at his computer welcome Taeyong as he walks inside his home. "Ahhhh, you dumb fuck! Cast the spell! Cast it! Dumb bitch, why are you even here? CAST! IT!" Taeyong hesitates outside the door to Sungyeol's room and peeks inside. Headphones cover Sungyeol's ears, and Taeyong sees open textbooks laying on the floor with notes scribbled all over the pages. "Aghhgh! Stupid! What are you doing? What, you think this is a game?" Sungyeol pauses before screaming again. "Yes, I know it <em>is </em>a game, but stop treating it like one!" He lets out a roar of fury before slapping his keyboard a good three times and turning off the computer. He groans and swivels around his chair where he sees Taeyong at the door. "Uhhhhh. You didn't see that, right?" Sungyeol asks, his face turning red.</p>
<p>          "Shouldn't you be studying?" Taeyong slowly inquires, stepping inside as he does so. He sits on the edge of Sungyeol's unmade bed and glances at the disarray of highlighters and pens scattered underneath the chair.</p>
<p>          "Bro. I reviewed so much already. I was going to rage all night. <em>Rage</em>, I'm telling you." He leans back into his chair and looks at the ceiling. "I can't play League with these dumbasses. I'm beyond them." Sungyeol lets out a sigh of dissatisfaction. </p>
<p>          Taeyong responds with an exhale and lies down on the bed. "Hey, let's say you make a new friend. But their personality is really off-putting and cold."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol grunts in reply. "Why would I be friends with a loner?" He sits up and stares at Taeyong. "Unless he's good at League."</p>
<p>          Taeyong rolls his eyes and continues. "Let's say this person gets annoyed at you a lot, but, over time, he gradually gets used to you. And you think you're starting to get along, but, then, they start acting weird all of a sudden."</p>
<p>          "Is she hot?"</p>
<p>          "<em>Nevermind</em>." Taeyong gets up and leaves. As he is about to walk out the door, a sharp pain convulses at the back of his head, making him grab the door to stabilize himself. Sungyeol notices and briefly looks at him in worry.</p>
<p>          "Migraine again? Are you stressed about something?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong can only grunt in response. "Yes. Very."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The first thing Doyoung does when he arrives home is to sit at the edge of his bed. He stares at the wall and runs his hand through his hair once. The semblance of withdrawal eases over him like a familiar, cold sheet. He blinks a few times and unbuttons his shirt before sighing to himself.</p>
<p>          In the moments that Doyoung is sitting and doing nothing, his mind goes astray, thinking of all sorts of things. There is a sense of queasiness in his stomach, and his forehead feels sweltering hot.</p>
<p>          He thinks back to what Taeyong said, and unknowingly, Doyoung slowly slips into a state of slightly more comfort. </p>
<p>    <em>      I'm here for you.</em></p>
<p>          Taeyong was right when he had said Doyoung needed to hear that. And although Doyoung is not a particularly emotional person, the realization begins to trickle in like ocean water tickling his feet. </p>
<p>          He sighs again and stands up to head over to his desk. He ignores the warmth in his chest as he opens up the files to his new friend's resume. </p>
<p>          Realization may not be acceptance, but Doyoung does not know that he smiles as he types in his recommendation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Doyoung wakes up in the morning, his head feels heavy. He hasn't overslept for the longest time, and the unfamiliar feeling of drowsiness perplexes him. He sits up and straightens out his back as he unlocks his phone. He sees a text from Taeyong and opens it.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung can only sigh to himself. He realizes he does that a lot nowadays because of Taeyong. He replies to Taeyong, in which he instantly gets a reply back.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung does not admit to Taeyong that the reason he decided to help him is that he needs a distraction. He needs something to keep him away from the depths of dark water attempting to pull him in. He also cannot admit to himself that he also wants to help Taeyong for his own sake. The fact that this person has somehow impacted Doyoung's life is not something he is willing to even consider.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          He smiles to himself and closes his phone. He hopes that Taeyong will take care of himself since the work from here on will only get tougher.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The days following Doyoung's mandate of training consist of hours filled with memorization, diction practice, and presentation demonstrations. Taeyong had hoped that the constant interactions with Doyoung would bring him a step closer to understanding him, but their relationship had been at a standstill. Taeyong felt as close to Doyoung as he did with his old ninth grade teacher who forgot to call his name during attendance, every day, for a whole semester.</p>
<p>          As the tryout approached closer, Taeyong started to feel frustrated with the lack of development. Although Doyoung had given him a key card that allowed him to use the elevator to access his office floor, Taeyong thought of himself more like that lady that chased him up the staircase. </p>
<p>          Taeyong slumps down at the seat across from Doyoung's desk. "Hey, I think I'm really ready. So let's stop now," he says tiredly. He closes the notebook he had been filling up with notes from Doyoung's dreary lectures. "Instead, let's talk about what we'll do after I get in."</p>
<p>          Across the desk, Doyoung raises an eyebrow and then shakes his head. "You'll stop bothering me after you are employed."</p>
<p>          "How about I take you out for an expensive dinner instead?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs and thinks back to the time he saw an article on how sighing a lot may hint at a stress that is detrimental to one's health. Though he doubted the article then, he is beginning to reconsider its credibility now. Surely, if Tayeong makes him sigh a lot, it must mean that Taeyong is bad for his health.</p>
<p>          "Hey! Reply." Taeyong's urgent voice snaps Doyoung out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>          "Hmm, we'll see. Anyways, back to practice. I'm investing too much time into this, so you better succeed. Or else this would be bad business."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong cannot sleep. Before he knows it, his alarm goes off, but he somehow turns it off before the second wave of rings starts. He tries to grab the Advil on his nightstand, but it falls off instead. The rattle against the ground rings in Taeyong's mind the same way a fire alarm might.</p><p>          "Ughghhh," he groans. A headache right before his interview is the last thing he needs, but the day must go on, so he stands up and somehow manages to get himself to the bathroom. After washing up, Taeyong grabs his bottle of Advil and goes to the kitchen.</p><p>          Taeyong has to rub his eyes before he can comprehend the image in front of him. He sees Sungyeol in the kitchen, not wearing a shirt. Yet Taeyong cannot help but feel a tinge of disgust at Sungyeol's absolute audacity to wear an apron anyways.</p><p>         "Good morning!!! Ready for your big day?" Sungyeol says, at the stove. He turns to face Taeyong and grins gleefully. "You know, you took way too long to email your resignation so I did it for you last night. Just sent a big 'fuck you' and an 'I'm out,' so make sure you do well today! Because there's no going back after that!"</p><p>          "You <em>what</em>?" Taeyong is too tired, too anxious, and too much in pain to even care. He sits down at the small dining table and rests his head against the table. "Actually, forget it. Thanks."</p><p>          The smile on Sungyeol's face disappears and is replaced with a look of worry. "Do you have a headache again? Then you should hurry up and eat something so you can take medicine. Maybe go sleep a bit more."</p><p>          "No, it's okay." Taeyong sits up again and grabs a piece of bacon Sungyeol had already set on a plate on the table. After eating it, he swallows two pills of Advil dry and weakly smiles towards Sungyeol's direction. "Thanks though. I feel a bit better now." A moment passes and Taeyong feels a bit more awake, but he wishes he hadn't because realization settles inside of him like a rock at the bottom of a lake. "Wait, just what did you say in the email?"</p><p>         As Sungyeol cackles and Taeyong's headache fades just the slightest bit, Taeyong smiles. A wave of comfort flows in reminding him of the people he has supporting him.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>The large hallway that Taeyong walks through is open and bright. Sunlight streams in through the high windows, yet the ambiance seems daunting. Taeyong's headache is gone, but a feeling of extreme agitation replaces it. He spots a row of chairs lining the wall where other participants of the casting call are sitting and waiting. He sees an open chair and sits down as he adjusts his tie one last time.</p><p>          When Taeyong sits down, he flips through his resume. Doyoung had said he adjusted a few things, but this is Taeyong's first time actually looking at it. Taeyong glances here and there, but on the last page, he freezes. He doesn't believe it, but it's right there in front of his eyes: Doyoung's name on the reference sheet.</p><p>          He flips the resume back to the cover and stares at the wall. Somehow, Doyoung's name printed there in black ink sets a heavyweight on Taeyong's shoulders. More than ever, he wants to do well.</p><p>          Taeyong takes a deep breath and looks at the doors in front of him in hopes of calming his rapid heartbeat. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the girl sitting next to him doing the same thing. He thinks it's kind of funny, and also calming, how they're behaving the same way.</p><p>          "Are you nervous?" he says, hoping that he doesn't weird her out.</p><p>          The girl turns to him, and Taeyong can see her better. Her hair is short, and her bangs gently cover her forehead as if she had spent hours getting each hair in perfect place. Her cheeks are slightly rosy and pink, and Taeyong can't tell if it's from blush or if she naturally just looks like that. But either way, he thinks it's cute.</p><p>          "Uhm. Yes, very," she says. Her voice is gentle. and it reminds Taeyong of smooth honey and light cream. "But you know," she continues, leaning in a bit. "I heard some people talking about it. Apparently, they give you a script first and then an impromptu, and they end with interview questions."</p><p>          Taeyong nods, but he's suddenly more focused on her voice than what she's saying. It's just too pleasing to listen to. "You know, you'd make a great anchor," he says, a bit dreamily.</p><p>          "Oh no, I could never," she says, flushing red. "I'd like to become a meteorologist. But for now, an internship would be more than enough."</p><p>          "Ah! Weather forecasting?"</p><p>          The girl nods shyly. "Maybe I'm not fit for it, but I want to try. I've always admired meteorologists."</p><p>           Taeyong nods enthusiastically. "I feel the same way. And I think you'll do great, weather forecasting is an important job! A lot of people rely on it!"</p><p>          The girl offers Taeyong a gentle smile of relaxation. "Thank you." She pauses before continuing. "Talking to you has eased my tension. I'm Seulmin."</p><p>          The fact that a pretty girl has introduced herself to Taeyong first baffles him. He feels his ears go hot, and he's afraid he might start stuttering again. He clears his throat before replying, "I'm Taeyong. Good luck today!"</p><p>          As if right on cue, the door to the tryout area opens, and the participants are called in.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>When Taeyong arrives home, he throws off his cheap suit and tie. The audition had felt okay, not great but not terrible either. He already knew his resume was not incredibly outstanding, but his performance and Doyoung's recommendation would hopefully make up for it.</p><p>          Taeyong enters Sungyeol's room and flops onto the bed.</p><p>          "How was it?" Sungyeol asks, jabbing away at the keyboard as he does so.</p><p>          "It was alright." Taeyong takes out his phone to text Doyoung some updates, but a follow request notification catches his eye so he opens that first. When he checks the profile, he gasps and then squeals like he's in middle school, and SNSD is on TV.</p><p>        </p><p>          After accepting the request, Taeyong clicks on the recent post out of curiosity.</p><p>        </p><p>          "Wow, pretty," Taeyong hums to himself. He realizes that Sungyeol follows her too, so he can't help but ask, "Sungyeol, do you know Seulmin?"</p><p>          "Hmm?" Sungyeol does not look away from his computer, but Taeyong can almost hear him thinking. "Wait, yeah! She goes to Hansung like me! Group dates slash get-togethers in our year. I talked to her a few times, but she's studying something completely different. So I don't see her often. She's cute though!"</p><p>          "So she's 22 like you," Taeyong mumbles. He sends Doyoung a text before tossing his phone aside to stare at the ceiling. "Hey, do you think I've changed recently?"</p><p>          "What do you mean? Your <em>hair</em> is different."</p><p>          "Duh. I meant, do I <em>act</em> differently?"</p><p>          Sungyeol pauses. "I'm not sure about that. But you seem more energized. Like it's finals week, and you figured out that you have to get your shit together."</p><p>          Taeyong dwells on that for a while and realizes Sungyeol is not wrong. Although Taeyong didn't think his life was so terrible before, he realizes, it's a bit better now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days go by without much contact from neither Doyoung nor SBS. Taeyong's mind is filled with apathy, disquiet, and the slight heartaches of loneliness. He has spent his days in his bedroom, taking naps, or in Sungyeol's, watching him lose almost every round of any video game he plays. There's an aura of peacefulness, but it feels more like the calm before the storm. However, with nothing to do, Taeyong is urgently wishing for the storm to come out of nowhere and knock him off his feet.</p>
<p>          Once again, he is in Sungyeol's room, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He becomes conscious of his breathing and counts how many times he inhales before getting tired of that as well. "Hey, Sungyeol," he says after reaching 371. "Shouldn't you be reviewing?"</p>
<p>          "Shouldn't you be working?" Sungyeol replies, without taking his eyes off of the screen.</p>
<p>          "Thanks to <em>someone</em>, I don't currently have a job." Taeyong hums to himself before speaking again. "Let's say this works out. My salary will eventually triple what I made from before. Do you want to buy some new furniture? Or maybe, we can even renovate this whole place."</p>
<p>          At these words, Sungyeol's hands falter, and he watches Hanzo shoot him down as he's unable to move. He swivels his chair around to stare at Taeyong. "What did you say?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong sits up and glances at the screen. "You suck at Overwatch. Stick to League."</p>
<p>          "I don't want to play with everyone else. They're bad." Sungyeol shakes his head as if reminding himself of what he<em> really </em>wants to ask about. "Anyways, what do you mean new furniture and that crap? You mean, if you get a legitimate job, you'll be staying here?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong blinks for a moment before realizing what Sungyeol is saying. He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly and looks at the ground. "I mean yeah. Unless you want me out, I can just look for a place—"</p>
<p>          "No no no!" Sungyeol urgently interrupts him. "No, you have to stay! I didn't think you would." He smiles at Taeyong a bit, unable to hold back his elation. "I thought you'd want to leave, but I'm surprisingly happy that you won't."</p>
<p>          There is an awkward moment of silence before Taeyong begins to laugh. "Wow, look at you! All soft for me! What, do you have a crush now?" He jumps off the bed. "I guess you'd miss me a lot if I did leave!"</p>
<p>          The smile falls from Sungyeol's face, and a look of stoic dissatisfaction replaces it. "Bro. That's <em>gross</em>. Forget I said anything."</p>
<p>         Before Taeyong can tease his friend any further, he hears his phone ring from a notification. He takes it out to check, and he sees that it's an automated text from SBS. He gulps and glances at Sungyeol. "It's here."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol's eyes widen, and he jumps off his chair to Taeyong's side. "Oh my God. I'll open it for you." As he reaches for the phone, Taeyong yanks it away.</p>
<p>         "No way. You're going to trick me. My soft heart won't be able to take that."</p>
<p>         "I won't. Promise, bro, it's between us men. I won't trick you."</p>
<p>         "No."</p>
<p>         "Please?"</p>
<p>         "No."</p>
<p>         The alteration goes back and forth like this for a few more minutes. Sungyeol stares at Taeyong before finally grabbing his phone and running away to the bathroom. Taeyong follows him but is met with the slam of the door.</p>
<p>         "Don't worry, Taeyong! I'll tell you!" Sungyeol shouts between the crack of the door as Taeyong pounds on it.</p>
<p>          At this moment, Taeyong realizes it's too late so he slumps down and leans back against the door as he waits for the news. Minutes of silence pass until Sungyeol slowly opens the door.</p>
<p>         "So? What is it?"</p>
<p>          Sungyeol stares down at Taeyong, with a hollow and aloof look on his face. He does not smile nor does he frown. He's even managed to somehow keep his eyebrows perfectly still. He looks so serious that Taeyong's stomach feels like it's going to explode from the tension.</p>
<p>         "Sorry, Taeyong. I'm sorry." He bites his lip.</p>
<p>         Taeyong quickly stands up. "Just tell me. I can handle it."</p>
<p>         Sungyeol breaks out into a grin and starts laughing. "I'm <em>very sorry</em> that you're going to have to spend so much on furniture! The first thing I want is a La-Z-Boy."</p>
<p>          Taeyong lets out a sigh of relief before punching Sungyeol in the arm. "You honestly <em>scared me</em>. You said you wouldn't trick me!"</p>
<p>          "And I didn't!" Sungyeol says through wheezes of laughter.</p>
<p>          Taeyong sighs to himself before chuckling. He joins in on the laughter as warmth and comfort envelopes him like a blanket.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung signs the last file on his desk before stretching his back out at his seat. He glances at the clock. He's worked overtime again.</p>
<p>         He rubs his eyes before standing up to get his coat. Before he heads out the door, his phone rings. He picks it up as he takes the elevator down to his car.</p>
<p>          He clears his throat before speaking. "I didn't expect you to call, dad."</p>
<p>          "I wouldn't have, but this is a bit important. There's that new project you're in charge of. It's extremely important."</p>
<p>          As Doyoung buckles into his seatbelt, waves of dread wash over him. "Yes, the resort one. It's unusual of you to call me about it, I've been doing fine on all my projects so far. I'll be very careful if that's what you're worried about."</p>
<p>          There is silence before Doyoung gets his reply. "I'm not worried about that. It's good to see that you're doing fine then. We'll continue this conversation in person." </p>
<p>          His father hangs up before Doyoung can reply. He is only confused and scared, not sure of what just happened. He is about to start driving when he suddenly receives a text message. At the sight of the sender, the feelings of adversity disappear and unknown to Doyoung, they are replaced with feelings of amenity.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>           Doyoung immediately replies, smiling to himself as he does so.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          The manner of language makes Doyoung shake his head, but he puts away his phone and drives out of the parking lot, forgetting about any matter that had been bothering him before.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung does not quite understand the feeling of restlessness in his stomach. It came to him in the morning during the drive to work and increased its intensity as the hours went by, inching closer and closer to 8:30. Although he does not <em>comprehend</em> it, Doyoung does <em>know</em> the reason for his nervousness. </p>
<p>          He leaves work on time, an event that does not occur often. He drives out of the parking garage, not aware of his own heartbeat growing more and more intense as the minutes tick by.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When he arrives at the restaurant, the waitress guides Doyoung to a room. The realization that Taeyong had reserved a private room for the two of them dawns onto Doyoung, and he can only shake his head at the unnecessity of the action.</p>
<p>          As Doyoung steps in, he sees Taeyong staring at the empty plate on the table. A throbbing heat settles in Doyoung's abdomen as he sits down across from Taeyong. Taeyong looks up and immediately breaks into a grin and all of a sudden, there is only warmth inside of Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "You're here!"</p>
<p>          "That I am," Doyoung says, leaning into his seat. "Really, a private room?"</p>
<p>          "I got the job. So I dipped into my savings account and went a little crazy."</p>
<p>          The businessman in Doyoung wants to scream. "You did what?"</p>
<p>         "Well, I bought myself a new phone and some clothes since I'd need it for work. Then I went ham on beer and meat when I took Sungyeol out to eat. And I was about to buy him a La-Z-Boy, but then I wouldn't be able to pay rent for the month so maybe that's for later." Taeyong pauses as if he's thinking deeply, but he just smiles more widely and continues. "Treating you is the final thing I wanted to do. To show you my thanks!"</p>
<p>          The words that Doyoung wants to say do not come out of his mouth. Rather, a chuckle escapes his lips, one neither he nor Taeyong expected to hear. At the sound, Taeyong begins laughing as well. "You are ridiculous," Doyoung says with a soft smile. "That's an incredibly foolish decision to spend all that in one day. But it sounds like something you'd do."</p>
<p>          "I'm glad." Taeyong glances at his lap and then back at Doyoung. "You seem happier today."</p>
<p>          Doyoung blinks, and then the smile on his face vanishes, replaced by his usual stoic poker face. "I'm the same as usual. Shall we order now?"</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It takes Taeyong only three glasses of champagne until he becomes significantly unaware of any social norms. The filter is removed, and his true thoughts and desires begin to pour out.</p>
<p>          "How about a secret for a secret?" he says, his words not slurring but, rather, dancing lightly; his tone is absolutely careless. "You don't talk to me about anything."</p>
<p>          Doyoung takes a small sip of his (of course) wine and glances at Taeyong. "What is the purpose of doing anything like that?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong gulps down half a glass of champagne, demonstrating such a stark contrast in actions that Doyoung cannot help but slightly laugh to himself. "Do you like cats or dogs better? One, two, three."</p>
<p>          "Cats."</p>
<p>          "Dogs."</p>
<p>          "Of course you do." Doyoung shakes his head and takes another small sip.</p>
<p>          "Okay, I'll go first. I miss my mom," Taeyong bluntly states. Doyoung pauses all his actions, suddenly becoming frozen all over for only the slightest of seconds. Taeyong does not notice and drawls on after finishing his fourth glass. "She died when I was in high school. Von hippo syndrome or something, I don't even remember anymore." Taeyong reaches for his glass, but when he sees it's empty, he grabs Doyoung's wine glass instead. "And I didn't know my dad, you know? My parents separated when I was really young." He takes a deep breath and suddenly, the words flow out. "That's why this new job is so important to me.</p>
<p>          "My mom was working, and my dad wasn't there. The news was always on at home, and, I don't know, I saw those guys in suits all clean and smart on TV, and I thought that's how an adult should really be like. That's what an adult should be like. Not abandoning his wife and kid. He should be like that.</p>
<p>          "So I miss my mom. She worked so hard for me. I wish she could see me now." Taeyong finishes the wine and sighs to himself.</p>
<p>          Lead and silver flow through Doyoung's veins. He feels heavy and cold all over. He's not sure what he wants to do now, but he <em>does </em>know he wants everything to come to an absolute standstill.</p>
<p>
  <em>           You're human, and you can't help but feel certain ways. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if you don't like it, I'm here for you.</em>
</p>
<p>          Doyoung doesn't know why, but he starts crying. It comes as a bit of a shock to him; he didn't think he'd ever allow himself to do that. His voice is quiet; there is no sobbing or sniffling. Only the slow stream of icy cold trailing down his cheek.</p>
<p>          "I miss my mother too."</p>
<p>
  <em>          Why not. It's not like he'll remember.</em>
</p>
<p>          Taeyong blinks. "Huhhh? Yours is dead too?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung softly smiles to himself and quickly wipes away his tears. "No. I just miss her."</p>
<p>          Taeyong's eyes narrow, and he sits up straight. His cheeks are tinged bright red, and his eyes keep blinking heavily as if he's trying to prevent himself from falling asleep. "You're a goddamn idiot."</p>
<p>          This time, Doyoung blinks. "What are you talking about?"</p>
<p>          "If you miss her, go see her!" Taeyong exclaims. "I'd do anything to see my mom again. And yours is here, but you don't do anything about it? That's your fault!"</p>
<p>          A slight frown of annoyance appears on Doyoung's face. "You are not in the position to say something like that. You don't know my circumstances."</p>
<p>          "Shut the fuck up. I <em>am</em> in the position. This is unfair. I don't know what type of sob story you have, but it's unfair. You can still see her. You can still make things <em>right</em>." Taeyong's lips quiver, but he quickly bites it and sighs instead. He shakes his head and looks for something to drink but groans when he realizes he's consumed every last bit of it.</p>
<p>          Thoughts of confusion run through Doyoung's mind, like rain down an already rapid stream. The concept is easier said than done, and his stomach still explodes in waves of anxiousness at the thought of it. He gulps and puts the thought aside when he notices Taeyong suddenly falling asleep.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sets all emotions aside and calms himself down. "Could I get the check?" he says when a waiter finally comes in.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It had taken the waiter and Doyoung to drag a half-awake Taeyong out the restaurant and into a taxi. By the time Doyoung gets home, sleep had been anxiously tugging on his sleeve for the longest of times, and exhaustion washes over him.</p>
<p>          He glances at his mail and shuffles through them at the dining table briefly. The tab for the bar catches his eye when he sees an unfamiliar drink on the bill. "A coke and a beer, huh," Doyoung mumbles under his breath. He smiles to himself and sets the bill on the table before heading to bed.</p>
<p>          Acceptance is not a reaction, but it is a step closer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning, Doyoung takes a day off work for the first time in what seems like virtually forever. He's not quite sure how he should dress; he wavers at his closet, his fingertips lingering between his best suit and his casual clothes. Reluctantly, he grabs a pair of black pants, a dark turtle neck, and a beige jacket.</p>
<p>          When Doyoung heads to his car, he finds that his steps are slow, hesitant even. He can't seem to lift one foot without thinking about it, and each step forward feels like an approach towards a large cliff.</p>
<p>          The drive is not incredibly long, yet each minute feels like an eon of standstill. Only an hour later does Doyoung arrive at his destination, but he can't seem to get out of his car. There are lead and mercury flowing in his veins, a heavyweight that Doyoung cannot rid of. His mind feels clouded, but he shakes off feelings of doubt and slowly leaves his car.</p>
<p>          His fingers skim the doorbell as if pushing it would lead to an inevitable complication. At last, he presses it, and it is only a few seconds until the door opens.</p>
<p>          The woman who opens the door is a face far too familiar to Doyoung. Of course, it would be. It's a face that has been haunting him since his youth. The shock and utter disbelief, however, is not something Doyoung is accustomed to, and it only results in him replying with a sheepish smile: a nervous and childish smile that hasn't graced his face in the longest of times.</p>
<p>          "Hi, mom."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Mrs. Kim is somewhat of an extraordinary woman. She had gotten into the same university as her husband and son but was the first in her family to achieve any sort of higher education. She was looking forward to city life, and the excitement of becoming an independent office-lady was all she could think of. Her husband-to-be was an upperclassman; she wasn't quite sure why she was drawn to his quiet nature, but she felt a sense of calm around him and fell in love, not knowing he was an heir to a prestigious corporate. He, himself, fell for her intelligent and bright personality; she was a refreshing change in the wind. They got married the same year he started working and she graduated. But instead of pursuing her career the way she had dreamt of, Mrs. Kim became a wife and a mother.</p>
<p>          To Doyoung, it didn't matter how amazing of a person his mother was. She was the only place he had ever felt warmth and love while growing up in an environment of harsh and freezing reality.</p>
<p>          When Doyoung rings her doorbell, nothing could have prepared her for the overwhelming wave of relief and daze.</p>
<p>          "Why are you here? I mean, how?" she stutters out. Her world seems to have aligned itself all at once, but the sudden change from the misalignment she has been so used to is too much for her to adapt to. "Come in, come in."</p>
<p>          Doyoung walks in slowly, absorbing his surroundings. Her home is just like her, glowing with hospitality and warmth. He sits down at a sofa, staring at an arrangement of flowers on the coffee table since he feels too awkward to look at anything else.</p>
<p>
  <em>          Surely, she arranged those flowers himself.</em>
</p>
<p>          "I like how you decorated." The words come out easily, but inside, Doyoung feels like he's barely avoiding stepping on glass. Each action carries so much caution and pain; his every instinct tells him to stop before he destroys himself.</p>
<p>          Mrs. Kim sits down across from him on the other sofa. "Thank you. It was nice to be able to decorate my home the way I wanted."</p>
<p>          Doyoung winces at her words. It is a simple phrase, but it embodies everything that forced her to leave him behind. "How have you been?"</p>
<p>          "Well, I've missed you dearly." She gives a sad chuckle before continuing. "I've recently been promoted to the chief financial officer where I'm working. I've made friends, got my own home. But it's been lonely without you."</p>
<p>          "I could say the same, you know." Obvious bitterness envelopes his entire voice. "You could have taken me with you." Doyoung finally looks up at his mother, only to find watery eyes watching him.</p>
<p>          "You grew up just fine, Doyoung. You didn't need me."</p>
<p>          "You're not the one to decide that!" he snaps.</p>
<p>          "Your father gave you a better life than I could have ever had."</p>
<p>          "What, just because he has more money? Just because he has a bigger house? And now, I'm stuck. I'm going to be just like him." His voice breaks, years of hurt slowly leaking out.</p>
<p>          "Oh Doyoung, don't say that." She shakes her head. "You've come to see me. Your father never has. You're already so much different from him. I'm proud of you. And I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."</p>
<p>          Doyoung stares at the floor. "You still love him, don't you?"</p>
<p>          "That's just his nature. If I didn't love him for how he is, then what was I with him for?" Mrs. Kim sighs and tries to smile.</p>
<p>          The minutes of silence that pass feel like centuries. Doyoung finally breaks the silence. "Why did you leave?"</p>
<p>          She sighs again. "It was suffocating, Doyoung. I'm not meant to be a trophy wife. I couldn't just sit there and look pretty while he did work. I wanted to help, but he never had the time for me. I couldn't stay there like that."</p>
<p>          "But you left me in that same environment you hated."</p>
<p>          Finally, a tear slips down her face. "But he needed you a lot more than I needed you."</p>
<p>          Doyoung suddenly stands up, filled with rage and hurt. "And I needed <em>you</em>." He leaves the apartment, regretting ever coming. In his car, he straps on his seatbelt and is about to start the car when he stops and sighs.</p>
<p>          He leans his forehead against the steering wheel, waiting for his mind to clear. His breathing is slightly heavy, but his mind feels airy as if he's running out of oxygen. After a few minutes, he breathes in and walks back to the apartment, opening the door and sitting back where he was just a while ago.</p>
<p>          "I'm back," he says, trying to sound calm.</p>
<p>          Mrs. Kim stares at him for a bit, her eyes filled with tears. Then, remarkably, she starts laughing. "Oh my goodness," she manages out. "I'm sorry for laughing, but you just came back like that." She laughs a bit more and wipes her tears. "I'm sorry, Doyoung. I really am the worst, aren't I," she says through a sad smile.</p>
<p>          Doyoung bites his lips and decides to stop thinking. "No, you're not," he finally says. "I wish we could just start over again. From the very beginning," he says slowly. "I wish I had visited sooner."</p>
<p>          "You're here now, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. I love you a lot, Doyoung. Your father and I both do. We're just not very good at doing what's right."</p>
<p>          "It's okay," Doyoung breathes out. He's not sure if it really is or isn't, but saying it doesn't make him feel too bad, so he says it again. "It's okay. I'm here now."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes time for Taeyong to acclimate to his new career. He had already known that he wouldn't delve right into breaking news as soon as he started working. But even after a few weeks, the type of stories he has been covering has started to feel ridiculous.</p>
<p>          "Say, this would be a fun idea," his producer tells him one day, bringing in an artificial baby bump to Taeyong's office space. He holds it up near his stomach as if he were to wear it himself, pondering about how it would look.</p>
<p>          "Huh?" Taeyong says, looking up from his notepad. The only marks of pen on it are stray scribbles and the occasional sketch of a puppy. He glances at the baby bump and immediately groans. "Fun for you, not for me!"</p>
<p>          "A day in the life of a pregnant mother," the producer drawls on, ignoring Taeyong. "You're perfect for it."</p>
<p>          "In what way? That makes no sense." Taeyong wants to cry. "Okay, wait wait wait. Last week I had to report on how stray cats are affecting the bird population. Why do I keep getting these topics? Can't I get something more interesting by now?" </p>
<p>          The producer frowns. "Well, it's not like we're just going to throw you on prime time without doing some lighter stories first. Anyways, the baby bump—"</p>
<p>          "Okay, how about the 6 to 7 A.M. slot? You wouldn't put heavy news on in the morning, but it'd still be better than what I have now," Taeyong interrupts. "I think I have the face for it, and I can brighten up everybody's morning before they go to work." He attempts a charismatic grin.</p>
<p>          "How about you do this report first." The producer glares a bit at Taeyong, annoyed at his interruptions. </p>
<p>          "Can I cover sports? It's baseball season too. Did you know I was a catcher in middle school? They don't get much hype, but someone experienced like me can do a great cover on it and bring them the glory they deserve!" Taeyong says excitedly, hoping it will sway his higher-up even by a little.</p>
<p>         The producer leaves the bump on Taeyong's desk and walks away.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It is as soon as Doyoung gets in his car, about to head home, when Taeyong calls him and asks to meet up at a restaurant. At first, Doyoung is about to immediately say no. However, he suddenly feels as if it has been a while since he's seen Taeyong's grinning face.</p>
<p>
  <em>          Well. It shouldn't be too bad meeting up with him.</em>
</p>
<p>          Doyoung arrives at a small barbeque joint and finds Taeyong sitting at a table, already finished with a bottle of alcohol.</p>
<p>          "You were a catcher in middle school?" Doyoung asks after listening to Taeyong's rant. "That's a position that requires some thinking. Can't possibly imagine you as one." His voice is slightly quiet, yet it has a comfortable hum to it.</p>
<p>          "That's all you have to say?" Taeyong exclaims. He takes a small shot of soju and then sighs. "Well, we didn't win very often," he murmurs under his breath.</p>
<p>          Doyoung smiles. There is something complacent regarding the ambiance. The gentle orange hue of the light fixtures makes Taeyong's face glow. The smell of meat being slightly burnt as Taeyong tumbles with the tongs reminds Doyoung of a home from long ago. "You can't expect to get big stories right away. Even so, I saw your report on cats at around six in the afternoon the other day. That's already a pretty good slot for a story that mundane."</p>
<p>          Taeyong's face becomes red, although his cheeks already have a flaming tinge from the amount of alcohol he is consuming. "I didn't want to do that... I like dogs better anyways." He shakes his head. "Anyways, why are you smiling Mr. Robot CEO? Is my misery that amusing to you?" But Taeyong cannot help but slightly grin himself even as he says it.</p>
<p>          Doyoung's smile becomes slightly smaller but doesn't disappear. "It <em>is </em>slightly funny."</p>
<p>          Another hour or two passes as Taeyong drawls on about different topics. Half the time, Doyoung is not listening. He simply sits and sinks into the atmosphere. Something about it keeps tugging him under, forcing a sense of relaxation he realizes he's missed out on during the time he hasn't seen Taeyong. It's a warm and gentle feeling, one that Doyoung doesn't want to leave behind just yet.</p>
<p>          And so, Doyoung continues to ease into his environment with the gentle yet rowdy waves of Taeyong's voice surrounding him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Oh, Taeyong, you're home?" A mellow voice drifts to Taeyong's ears as he enters his home. He sets his bag at the door and throws off his shoes, about to run to the kitchen before the voice stops him again. "Put your shoes away." Taeyong grumbles some non-coherent mess under his breath as he neatly lines up his shoes, but he is also smiling.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Mom, you're home today!" he exclaims gleefully after rushing to the kitchen. She's sitting at the counter, drinking tea out of a small cup. Upon hearing her son's footsteps, she turns around and smiles.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "I left work early. I had an appointment."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Taeyong wraps his arms around her stomach, burying his head into her body. "I'm glad you're here." He closes his eyes and relaxes. Her clothes, a bit worn down but also soft from repeated washes, smell like clean linen and magnolia body spray.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "You're so sweaty. A bit stinky too." She laughs but hugs Taeyong back. "Had a game today?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Yes." Taeyong shakes his head as if he doesn't want to think about it. "They let me be catcher for two innings, but it didn't even matter! Sangook didn't even look at the hand signals and threw whatever he wanted!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Who's Sangook?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "The pitcher!" Taeyong exhales indignantly. "Then after that, they forced me to go to outfield."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Did you win?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Yes." Taeyong frowns but does not say anything else.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          His mother laughs again. "Even though you might think you're best at something, your teammates saw what you would be better at. That's why they moved you instead of just making you sit in the dugout." She strokes Taeyong's hair and rests her chin on his head. "So don't worry, and don't feel bad."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          The wrinkle between Taeyong's eyebrows disappear, and he can't help but smile again. "Hmm, you're right. I guess I'm just a player of many talents."</em>
</p>
<p> She always knows what to say to make me feel better.</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Yes, you are." Taeyong's mother releases Taeyong and sits up straight. "Now that I'm home, want to do anything?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Taeyong grins slyly. "I have homework."</em>
</p>
<p><em>          "One day of missing homework won't hurt." She pauses. "This </em>is<em> the only time you'll miss homework, right? You haven't been slacking off otherwise?"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>          "No, ma'am!" he says while laughing and saluting her. "Can we throw a ball around outside?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          "Of course. Anything for you."</em>
</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Mom, can't you throw a little straighter," Taeyong murmurs blissfully, not noticing the drool running down the side of his mouth.</p>
<p>          "Taeyong, wake up," a firm voice says in his ear.</p>
<p>          Taeyong shoots up straight, his head feeling a bit dizzy from the sudden change in altitude. He realizes he has been napping at his desk. The drool has leaked onto the scribbles on the notepad from yesterday, smudging the ink. "I was not napping," Taeyong says automatically, but he can't help but yawn as he does so.</p>
<p>          "Seriously?" The producer glares at him.</p>
<p>          "Sorry, I had a really bad headache. Tried to rest it off." Taeyong scratches the back of his neck. "Anyways, do you need me for something?"</p>
<p>          "You're acquainted with Kim Doyoung, right?" the producer says, glancing at the drool on the notepad. "He was a reference on your resume."</p>
<p>          Taeyong grins sneakily. "That he is! We're best buddies, joined at the hip—"</p>
<p>          "Think you can set up an interview with him?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong's grin falters. "Uhhh..."</p>
<p>          "You wanted to get bigger stories, right? Well, now is your chance." The producer walks away without waiting for his response.</p>
<p>          "Oh boy," Taeyong murmurs. </p>
<p>          As if she is a goddess appearing in Taeyong's most dire need of help, Seulmin walks out a meeting room and rushes over to Taeyong's desk upon seeing him. "Hi Taeyong," she says gently. She smiles a bit. "Are you alright?"</p>
<p>          "No." Taeyong sighs to himself as his eyebrows furrow together. "I think I just realized something. But I don't really want to think about it." He shakes his head. "Never mind, how about you? How's your internship? And your first semester is starting, right? That's a lot of stuff at once."</p>
<p>          Seulmin only sighs back in response. "All I've been doing is taking notes and typing up information for Ms. Gwan. I mean, I've gotten a good idea of how she organizes the information she's going to say during her reports, but other than that... she doesn't even talk to me that much."</p>
<p>          "And school?"</p>
<p>          She groans. "I'm just glad this is my last year." Seulmin pauses for a bit, and the two settle in the quietness. "Would you like to go outside for a while? We can just sit down and talk," she says after a minute, in a shy manner.</p>
<p>          A smiling Taeyong responds, "I'd like that."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The biting breeze seems to almost tickle Taeyong's nose, gently nipping at it until it turns red. Taeyong sits at a bench outside, staring at the trees. There are small buds of flowers, hinting at the arrival of spring. He sighs in content, grateful for the change of seasons. His heart thumps against his chest, an obvious yet underappreciated sign of his own vitality.</p>
<p>          He sees Seulmin walking towards him with two cups in her hands. When she sits down next to Taeyong at the bench, she hands him one of the foam cups. A rapid yet alleviating warmth spreads in his hands, and he graciously takes a sip of the tea.</p>
<p>          The two sit together in silence while enjoying their drinks. It does not feel awkward but inviting and calm. Taeyong glances at Seulmin and notices that she has braided a part of her hair to go behind her ear. Her cheeks are softly tinged pink, and Taeyong also notices a wrinkle by her mouth before realizing it must be a smile line, staining her face from years of laughter. Even now, the corners of her lips are slightly turned up, as if she is enjoying every serene moment glancing by.</p>
<p>          After a few minutes of silence, the two finish their drinks. "How are you?" Seulmin finally asks. She chuckles after saying that, realizing how the casualness of the question can seem kind of silly. "And I'm asking because I want to know. Not to make conversation," she adds.</p>
<p>          Taeyong smiles and laughs a little as well. "I don't think I've ever been happier." He pauses. "Well, in general. In general, I'm really good. But there are little details that I don't want to nitpick at."</p>
<p>          Seulmin hums as she thinks for a bit. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>          "I'm really happy with how things are now. But I feel like if I get annoyed at the small things, I'm not appreciating where I've reached." Taeyong looks down at his lap, a bit surprised at the sudden depth of the conversation but also grateful for being able to finally say it out loud.</p>
<p>          "I don't think it's wrong for you to be dissatisfied with small things," Seulmin says after a while. "Everyone deserves to be as happy as possible. Even if you're at your best, you always deserve better." She smiles softly. "I feel like you needed to hear that. You can be a bit selfish for yourself, you know."</p>
<p>          The mood of the conversation sounds awfully familiar to Taeyong. He only nods. Selfish? Taeyong couldn't possibly even think about asking for more than what he has right now. "What about you then?" </p>
<p>          Seulmin hums again, swinging her legs a bit. "Hmm. I think I'm alright too. The little things could be better for me also. And I think they will be, eventually."  She glances at the ground. Taeyong does too and notices that the heels of her boots are slightly worn down.</p>
<p>          "Do you know how to drive?" he asks, curious and suddenly wanting to know more about his friend.</p>
<p>          "No. I only ever walk or use public transportation."</p>
<p>          "What's your favorite food?"</p>
<p>          "Probably a hot pot or stew? Lots of different types of ingredients in one dish. Healthy and yummy."</p>
<p>          "What do you look for in a person?"</p>
<p>          "Honesty, perseverance, and appreciation for the small things around them." Seulmin suddenly laughs. It's a strong laugh with her head slightly thrown back and a tinge of glee to it. "What's all this about?"</p>
<p>          "Want to ask me anything?" Taeyong continues on without answering, grinning.</p>
<p>          "Let me think." She pauses for a bit. "What were you like as a child?" she says, turning her face to look at him. Her eyes are bright and alluring; Taeyong feels like he can tell her anything without receiving any judgment in return.</p>
<p>          "I liked playing outside. I worked hard in school so I could make my mom happy. But I wasn't super smart. Kind of 'just enough.'" He tilts his head back and looks at the clouds above him. "I liked talking to people."</p>
<p>          "Truthfully, I'd imagine that the way you are now is not too different from when you were a kid. What about high school? And college?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong sighs. "Um, my mom passed away. But I had a really good friend. So I'd try to stay over at his house as much as I could. His mom is so nice. It was also, like, a moment of reality for me. I studied super hard so I could try to get a scholarship or something, but I also had to work so I could even afford college. I ended up going to some average one nearby my old home." Taeyong winces a bit, thinking back. His teenage years had felt so lifeless and tedious. He suddenly feels immensely grateful for his growth to his current place of happiness.</p>
<p>          "You're amazing," Seulmin sighs out. The words are absolutely genuine and meaningful. "You really are." She looks him in the eyes and beams.</p>
<p>          Taeyong feels his cheeks go hot. "Oh my gosh," he says quickly, trying to turn his face away. "Thanks." He can't feel the air around him and now curses the seasons for changing. Had it been colder, there's no way he'd be blushing this much.</p>
<p>          The two continue to sit and talk, but Taeyong's heart never quite settles. It beats nervously against his chest. Things have never felt so easy.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When Taeyong and Seulmin head back inside, there is only a bit of time until the 8:00 P.M. news starts. However, whereas Taeyong had expected the usual, diligent efficiency breezing about the office, there is only unfamiliar chaos.</p>
<p>          "Where were you guys?" an assistant producer disapprovingly asks. He is about to walk past them, but Taeyong grabs his arm. "What is it? Now isn't the time."</p>
<p>          "What's going on?" Taeyong asks.</p>
<p>          "Most of the senior reporters and all the anchors had gone out for a meal, but they got food poisoning. We currently don't have someone to anchor the eight-slot." He glances at his watch. "I don't think we can get someone else to arrive at the station in time either." He groans at his own statement.</p>
<p>          There is a dizzying moment of realization for Taeyong as he grabs ahold of the opportunity introduced to him. He grins. "I can do it."</p>
<p>          The assistant producer rolls his eyes and snatches his arm back from Taeyong. "Yeah right." He briskly walks away, but Taeyong chases after him into the studio.</p>
<p>          Taeyong looks for the senior producer. He is on the phone, pacing back and forth nervously.  The cameramen around also seem fidgety. Everything seems ready to go; the only thing missing was a presence at the anchor's desk. When the producer puts away his phone, Taeyong rushes up to him. "Can I anchor, please?" he asks politely, grinning his best smile.</p>
<p>          "Are you crazy?"</p>
<p>          "You don't have anyone else." Taeyong's heart races in his chest. Excitement courses through his veins, and he can't seem to hold it back. "You can fire me if I mess up."</p>
<p>          "You don't need to tell me that for me to do it." The producer closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. "Leave. I don't need this right now."</p>
<p>          "Listen, I really think you should give me a chance. Two things can happen if you let me do it." Taeyong straightens his back as he holds up two fingers. "First, I do a really great job. The public falls in love with the attractive, young man who, by the way, is also mysterious because nobody ever watches the news when he does his reporting." The producer looks like he is about to pounce on Taeyong, but Taeyong puts down a finger and continues to talk. "The other thing that happens is that I mess up really bad. The public is intrigued by this handsome idiot and becomes curious about SBS. I'll get fired, and I'll never step foot in here again, but you'll have increased viewership for a while." Taeyong rocks back and forth on his feet, slightly anxious but also confident. "So? What do you think?"</p>
<p>          There is a dreadful moment of silence as the producer thinks. He finally speaks. "You promise you won't mess up? You have to do it right."</p>
<p>          "Of course I won't! All I have to do is read the teleprompter!" Taeyong skips away before the producer can change his mind.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>As Taeyong gets his makeup done, his heartbeat begins to slow down. However, the throbbing does not disappear; it simply relocates to his head. Taeyong tries to close his eyes and relax, but his headache begins to fill him with unease. "Um, do you have any Advil?" he says to the makeup artist. "Nothing wrong. I just, um, like how it tastes."</p>
<p>          The makeup artist raises an eyebrow but finds some medicine in her personal purse. Taeyong swallows it dry and leans back in the chair, hoping that his headache will disappear by the time his makeup is done.</p>
<p>          While he waits, Taeyong suddenly hears the squeak of another person sitting down in the chair next to him. He glances at his side and then gasps in shock. "Seulmin?"</p>
<p>          Seulmin tries to smile, but it comes out as a grimace. "Hey, <em>partner</em>."</p>
<p>          "You too?"</p>
<p>          "I guess they were desperate." Seulmin looks down at her lap. "You kind of inspired me. You were able to jump right in to help without even pausing. I wanted to do that too. And unlike me, you actually have your job riding on it. It's just an internship for me." She sighs and stares at herself in the mirror as Taeyong's artist switches over. "Are you nervous?"</p>
<p>          "Not really." Taeyong stands up and admires himself in the mirror. For the first time in his life, he feels like a real adult. The newscasters he had seen on TV, back in middle school while he sat alone in the living room, seem so close all of a sudden. What he had seen on TV now stares back at him in the mirror. "I feel like I was born for this." Taeyong walks out to the studio.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Seulmin and Taeyong sit next to each other, facing the cameras. While Seulmin tries to control her breathing, Taeyong quickly flips through the physical notes at the desk. "Ooo," he says to himself as he smiles. "Baseball."</p>
<p>          "We can do this, right?" Seulmin asks with a shaky breath. "All we have to do is read."</p>
<p>          Taeyong turns to his friend and pats her back. "You'll be fine. You have a really great voice, you know? And you look pretty when you smile. They'll love you!" He turns back to the notes. "Also, there isn't really anything major today. So don't feel too worried."</p>
<p>          "Okay, you'll be on in a minute!" a cameraman calls.</p>
<p>          Taeyong grins to himself. "You got this!" he whispers one more time to Seulmin. He watches the timer go down. He straightens his back and gives a calmer smile towards the camera. The words on the teleprompter go up, and Taeyong begins speaking. "Hello, viewers! It is currently 8:00 P.M., and you're watching SBS news. I'm Lee Taeyong, and I'd like to thank you all for joining us."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Things are going steady. Taeyong's heartbeat feels consistently calm, and his headache has mostly passed. Seulmin had started with a slightly high pitched voice, but it gradually became silky smooth like when Taeyong first heard it. The two continue to anchor easily, but when Seulmin finishes one segment, Taeyong realizes she about a minute and thirty seconds early. He searches his mind for the next topic, and his smile becomes slightly wider as he remembers what it is.</p>
<p>          "Seulmin, what's your favorite memory from middle school?" he asks gracefully, slightly turning to face her.</p>
<p>          Her eyebrows go up in surprise. He can tell that she's shocked at him for straying off the script, but he is grateful when she follows his lead. "I'd say when I went out to eat with my friends after a day when we had tests. What about you?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong finally lets out a full grin. "I used to play baseball in middle school. I was the catcher."</p>
<p>          Seulmin also smiles when she realizes Taeyong's attempt to get back on time. "Ahh, you played a really important position then."</p>
<p>          "Yes, I did. But we definitely lost a lot." Taeyong turns back towards the camera. "Luckily for the Giants, however, they have a much better catcher than my middle school team!" Taeyong gently leads back into the teleprompter script, mentally applauding himself as he notices the script timer ticking in place.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Seulmin and Taeyong receive gracious applause when they step off the studio. The cameramen and producers cheer for the two. "Great job," the senior producer says breathlessly as he approaches the pair. "It wasn't perfect, but it was fine." He smiles at the two with a new sense of respect. "We were keeping an eye on the viewership ratings." He gives out a sigh before continuing. "We ended about 2% higher than usual. I guess viewers were interested in the new faces. After all, the general public is familiar with the prime time announcers."</p>
<p>          Taeyong laughs at the news. "Look at that! I told you people would get curious if I messed up. But instead, I was so good, they were curious anyways!" Taeyong continues to laugh as he the producer rolls his eyes. </p>
<p>          "Well, good job. Go home, and get some rest. You guys deserve it."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Seulmin and Taeyong walk beside each other in silence as they head outside. The air is much colder, but the sidewalk lanterns along with the light strings in the trees glow brightly, making the ambiance warm and inviting.</p>
<p>          As the two pass the bench they were sitting at earlier, Taeyong suddenly hears a sniffle from Seulmin. He turns to look at her face and realizes she is crying. "What's wrong?" he urgently asks, his eyebrows furrowing together in worry. "Why are you crying?"</p>
<p>          Seulmin continues to cry, her sobs becoming slightly louder. Taeyong gently leads her to the bench, and the two sit down together. He searches his coat pocket for some napkins. When he finds one, he gives it to Seulmin who accepts it graciously. She blows her nose and sniffles again. "I was so nervous," she manages out shakily. "How did we even do that?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong chuckles when he realizes that there aren't any major problems. "Hmm. Because we're really cool and talented? Because we make a great pair? Or maybe because we were made for this?"</p>
<p>          A small laugh comes out of Seulmin, but she can't seem to stop crying. "Sorry. I'm just trying to get over it."</p>
<p>          Taeyong smiles and leans back. He looks up at the dark sky. "Don't worry about it. Take your time." The two sit together, and Seulmin's sobs gradually come to a stop. She sniffles a few more times before she is quiet again.</p>
<p>          "Sorry. You probably wanted to leave."</p>
<p>          "Not at all." Taeyong shakes his head and looks at Seulmin. Her nose is bright red, as are her cheeks. Her eyes are still slightly watery, but they seem to glimmer like stars. Taeyong smiles to himself when he notices her hair. It's messy and disoriented, nothing like the clean strands of darkness from when they were announcing just earlier. "You... will probably very easily get employed when you graduate."</p>
<p>          Seulmin suddenly laughs loudly at the statement. She tries to stop, but the attempt makes her laugh harder. She clutches her stomach and closes her eyes as she throws her head back. At first, Taeyong just watches her, but then, his grin grows and he starts laughing too. His laugh is clumsier than Seulmin's, but somehow, they sound harmonious together.</p>
<p>           The pair laugh as the lights around them glow.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"I still can't believe it," Sungyeol blurts out as he pours Taeyong another shot of soju. The two of them are sitting on plastic stools at a tent bar near their home. The atmosphere itself is more intoxicating than the glasses filled with alcohol. The orange hue from the lights reflecting the tent only strengthens the red on Sungyeol's cheeks. "You were on TV!"</p>
<p>          "I've been on TV for a while," Taeyong grumbles before drinking his shot.</p>
<p>          "Stories about stray cats at ten in the morning don't count. Your only audience is housewives."</p>
<p>          "First of all, it was at 6:00 P.M., which is also the best slot I've ever had until today. Second, I appreciate my loyal fanbase, even if they're all old enough to be my mother."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol laughs and pours another glass. Taeyong cannot keep up with the number of times he's done that. "Either way, this is a win for you." He holds his glass out for Taeyong to clink it with. "Cheers!" he exclaims gleefully before downing his drink within seconds. "Ah, also, I asked Seulmin to come. It's her victory as much as yours."</p>
<p>          "What?" Taeyong exclaims. "Now? When we're like this?" It's near midnight, and the two had come out wearing the clothes they'd sleep in. Sungyeol looks slightly better in his hoodie and clean track pants, but Taeyong's sweatshirt has a barbeque stain on it that's much too large to miss. "You could have told me that before we went out." He groans.</p>
<p>          "Speak of the devil!" Sungyeol says with a smile as Seulmin waves at the two from a distance. She approaches them, grinning, and drags a stool with her to join them at the table. "Although, you're a bit more of an angel," Sungyeol says slyly, leaning towards her.</p>
<p>          "Stop!" Seulmin exclaims, playfully whacking his arm. "You're so gross." She smiles at the pair, and Taeyong is comforted when he realizes Seulmin is dressed similarly in a gray sweater and leggings. "Thanks for inviting me, you two. I don't think I could have slept tonight."</p>
<p>          "By the way, do you two know how popular you guys are?" Sungyeol, suddenly says, taking out his phone. "Look at this." He hands Taeyong his phone. As Seulmin leans in to look, Taeyong realizes that the comment section of a Naver article is what Sungyeol wanted them to see.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Taeyong lets out an appreciative exhale as he hands the phone back to Sungyeol. "That's unreal," he says slowly. Seulmin can only nod in response.</p>
<p>          "Now you two have to demand a higher paycheck," Sungyeol says with a hearty laugh.</p>
<p>          "I haven't even graduated!" Seulmin exclaims. She shakes her head. "Honestly, I don't know how I'm even going to step foot in the office again. This is a bit embarrassing."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol pours more soju for the three while Taeyong sighs in content. He smiles to himself at his moment of success. He suddenly thinks of a familiar face and brightens up. He reaches for his pocket, ready to text Doyoung, and then droops when he realizes he has left his phone at home.</p>
<p>          "Okay okay." Sungyeol clears his throat loudly and then stands up to exclaim to the whole tent, "Congratulations to my friends for getting a raise! Hear hear!" There is only sarcastic applause and cheer in reaction from others in the tent as Seulmin pulls on the bottom of Sungyeol's hoodie.</p>
<p>          "Get down!" she says through gritted teeth, but she is also trying to hold back her laughter. "You're too loud."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol cackles as he sits back down. He raises his glass. "Well?" The other two clink it obediently as they smile. </p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Uh, sorry you had to help," Sungyeol says as he drags a drowsy Taeyong through the door. </p>
<p>          "No no, I don't mind at all." Seulmin closes the door behind them as she helps Sungyeol carry Taeyong to the couch.</p>
<p>          Sungyeol carelessly flings Taeyong onto the couch and walks to the kitchen to get some water for himself and Seulmin. Taeyong murmurs some incoherent sleep talk and goes to sleep as Seulmin laughs. </p>
<p>          "He's such a lightweight. He barely drinks anything and falls asleep right after," Sungyeol says, putting two glasses of water down at the small dining table. He motions Seulmin to join him, and the two sit together.</p>
<p>          "I didn't know you two were roommates."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol smiles. "We go way back. Our moms were friends, and we'd hang out a lot. After his mom died, he'd always try to sleepover and invite himself for dinner." He pauses to take a sip of water. "Well, my mom was okay with it, and I was too. But I think he also felt bad for doing it."</p>
<p>          Seulmin traces the edge of the glass with her finger and hums a bit. "I guess you two liked each other so much that you couldn't leave each other, huh?" she says mischievously, grinning at Sungyeol. </p>
<p>          "Oh, c'mon," Sungyeol whines. "That's so gross. Why would you even say that?" The two laugh, and Sungyeol finishes his water. "I mean, between paying for a dorm and sharing Taeyong's rent, one would be a bit more fun. Not all of us are scholarship students, free rooming, and all." Sungyeol eyes Seulmin with a playful smirk.</p>
<p>          Seulmin scoffs humorously. "I try." She stands up and stretches after finishing her own glass of water. "I should leave now." She glances at Sungyeol. "You're going to be at the get together next week, right?"</p>
<p>          "Wouldn't miss it! Unless you're not there." He also stands up and walks Seulmin to the door. "Get home safe."</p>
<p>          "Thanks. Will do." Seulmin waves as she walks out. Sungyeol closes the door and sighs. He walks over to Taeyong and nudges his shoulder with his foot.</p>
<p>          "You too. Go to bed, okay?" Sungyeol does not wait for a response and goes to his room to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Recently, Doyoung has realized he's felt less tired. Mornings seem more comforting, and Doyoung has somehow grasped how inviting the dark dawn can be. He begins his days breathing in the still, frigid air and making himself a cup of coffee. By the time he finishes the drink, the navy sky is only slightly paler. To some, the seemingly gray ambiance brings about a sense of dread, but for Doyoung, it is a moment of serenity and reticence before a busy day under bright sunlight.</p>
<p>          But the change Doyoung is going through is not drastic. At the back of his mind, there is still a sense of anxiousness, a want for stability. Although he allows himself to settle, there is a small part of him that feels as if he has to be on his toes. Anything can happen and disrupt his calm. Doyoung had learned the way of the world far back in his youth and from his knowledge, life isn't that easy.</p>
<p>          His instincts prove him correct when he receives another phone call from his father. He is about to drive home after work when the ring of his cell goes off. Doyoung glances at the contact, and then his heart beats as fast as the buzz of his phone. He clears his throat to answer.</p>
<p>          "Hello?" Doyoung breathes out. His voice is steady, but his mind races through every possible scenario that could concurrently play out.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, how is the Jeju resort project going?" his father immediately asks.</p>
<p>          "Fine." He keeps his answer curt, not wanting to give away more than needed.</p>
<p>          "You're aware of our relationship with the Jeong Group, right?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung pauses before answering. "There is nothing for you to worry about. Unless there is something else you had in mind." He stares straight ahead, but for some reason, he can't seem to register anything. There is something awfully different, and it feels wrong.</p>
<p>          "This is an opportunity for a loyalty contract. I'd like it if you could meet up with them."</p>
<p>          Doyoung exhales sharply. "I thought we've agreed long ago that you would deal with any social shenanigans. I'm not interested, dad."</p>
<p>          "It's the CEO's daughter you would meet, not Mr. Jeong himself."</p>
<p>         "Seriously?" Doyoung frowns when he catches on. "I have told you before, and I'm telling you now. I am <em>not</em> interested in playing politics. I'm not going to make friends or go on dates. <em>Please</em>, leave my personal life out of it." Doyoung's voice gets quicker as it rises with anger. He can feel his face flush red, and he sighs one more time. "Sorry, I'm going to hang up now. Good night." Doyoung mutes his phone and tosses it to the passenger seat.</p>
<p>          He closes his eyes and leans against the steering wheel for a few moments before finally shaking his head and driving home.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When Doyoung wakes up, the sky is not dark and gloomy but a bright baby blue. Although it is the weekend, Doyoung does not usually oversleep. He groans when he looks at the clock. It is only a few minutes till ten, yet for Doyoung, he feels as if thousands of hours have been wasted.</p>
<p>          When he checks his phone, Doyoung sees a missed call from Taeyong. "Seriously?" Doyoung murmurs as he rubs his eyes. "<em>He</em> woke up earlier than <em>me</em>?" Doyoung calls back as he sits up in bed. He is yawning when Taeyong answers.</p>
<p>          "Morning sleepy head!" a bright voice says.</p>
<p>          Doyoung smiles softly, immediately feeling at ease. "Was there a reason you called?"</p>
<p>          "Wow, not even an 'I, in fact, did not just wake up at this moment! I woke up at the crack of dawn and have been working non-stop since! You should be grateful I even took time out of my day for you!'" </p>
<p>          There is a long pause of awkward silence before Doyoung breaks it. "I don't talk like that."</p>
<p>          Taeyong clears his throat. "Anyways! Did you watch the eight o'clock news last night?"</p>
<p>          "No. Why?"</p>
<p>          "Well. No worries. Just search about a super hot, mystery anchor online, and you'll see a familiar face."</p>
<p>          There is silence again until Doyoung manages to encrypt the Taeyong Talk. "Did you anchor last night?"</p>
<p>          "Ah, so you're admitting that I'm hot?" Doyoung can almost hear the grin through his phone.</p>
<p>          "The only person you'd ever casually call attractive is yourself."</p>
<p>          "Oh. True that." Taeyong clears his throat again. "Back to what I was saying. I <em>did</em> anchor last night. I did a super duper good job. So you should check it out."</p>
<p>          "Alright. I will."</p>
<p>          There is silence for the third time, but this time, it's because neither of them knows what to now say. This silence feels a bit rawer, yet also more endearing. "Uhm. Also. Out of curiosity, do you do interviews?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs. "No. There is no reason for me to do so. I'm only a board member of a company that is not involved in the public industry. An interview is a waste of time for me."</p>
<p>          "But people are kind of curious about you."</p>
<p>          "I see no reason for that."</p>
<p>          "It's because you're hot! And rich! And an eligible bachelor!" Taeyong blurts out. "You're basically a celebrity!" He begins to laugh, and it draws Doyoung back to his stricter reality.</p>
<p>          "I'm going to hang up now." Doyoung tosses his phone to his nightstand and shakes his head.</p>
<p>          However, he is also smiling as he does so.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Despite his late start to the day, Doyoung finds himself pleasantly content. The air around him seems to be shimmering in positivity, and a sense of peace rests gracefully in his body. This is soon interrupted when he receives a call from his assistant.</p>
<p>          He answers with dread, knowing it has something to do with his father's words from yesterday. "Ms. Kang... It is the weekend," he says slowly as if he does not constantly work on weekends himself.</p>
<p>         "Yes, really sorry about that," she answers breathily. "I wanted to let you know you have a dinner appointment today. Your father asked me to set it up for you."</p>
<p>          Doyoung can tell she is nervous about the relay of information. He only closes his eyes, holding back a groan of discontent. "Alright. Just text me the information." He hangs up after getting a conformation, and the comfort of prior fades away. </p>
<p>          Rather than the anxiety from the day before, Doyoung is only filled with slight annoyance with a tinge of indignation. "One meeting only," he murmurs to himself as if the concreteness of the words will make his wish come true. </p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Evening gradually creeps up on Doyoung's back. The dimming sky is a pesky reminder of Doyoung's meeting as if it is pointing its finger and laughing at him in mockery. The back of Doyoung's neck feels heated as he drives to the restaurant, and he often mumbles a whine of vexation under his breath.</p>
<p>          Upon arrival, Doyoung quickly murmurs to the hostess about a reservation and is immediately led to an upstairs balcony seat. He is the first to arrive, so he sits and admires the city lights as he waits. </p>
<p>          The hum of the city gradually calms Doyoung. The amalgamation of cars steadily rolling down the street and people talking on the sidewalks is familiar and warm. The air itself carries affability as it glides by in gentle strokes of wind.</p>
<p>            Doyoung sighs to himself, suddenly feeling that sense of smallness one ever only feels late at night. He knows he holds such an important position materialistically, but he cannot help but wonder if it is all worth it regarding his place in the world.</p>
<p>          A waiter suddenly opens the door to the balcony, leading in a woman. She wears a dark emerald dress; the lace wraps around her arms and creates an open "V" at her collarbones. Her eyes are sharp and slanted. Upon seeing Doyoung, she lets out a cold smile, one that Doyoung is immediately disoriented by.</p>
<p>Doyoung stands up politely and greets the woman. </p>
<p>          "I'm a bit late, aren't I," she says apologetically as she sits down. </p>
<p>          "No worries." Doyoung's voice is blunt and forward.</p>
<p>          "That was on purpose." She smiles privately and casts her almost greyish eyes down upon the table.</p>
<p>           Doyoung feels as if someone has swung a metal pipe at him. "Ms. Jeong Jiyeon..." Doyoung starts to say, but he trails off before finishing. He is utterly disconcerted by her apathy towards their meeting. "I don't understand," he finally lets out with a breath.</p>
<p>          She purses her lips after taking a sip of water. Then, another brisk leer shows up on her face. "Well, you didn't want to be here either. Yet here you are." Her rich, chocolatey hair tumbles around at her chin. "I ought to be as polite as you are."</p>
<p>           The brusqueness of Jiyeon's tone sets Doyoung off. He is not sure what to make of it, nor can he comprehend whatever hidden message she wants him to receive. He clears his throat and picks up the menu, wanting to think for a while before saying anything about the situation. "Shall we order?" he says instead, trying to keep his voice level.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon glances sidewards at the menu and smirks. "Alright, let's do that." Doyoung briefly scans her. Her side profile is salient; her tall nose sits proudly on her face. He feels at loss, not sure what to do with the seemingly haughty woman. When the waiter arrives to get orders, Doyoung is still befuddled and cannot think of what to say. Luckily, Jiyeon speaks again. "Are you alright?" she asks teasingly. Her voice is silky smooth and slow, somewhat enticing yet crafty. She tilts her head to the side and looks at Doyoung.</p>
<p>          Doyoung clears his throat and looks right back. He decides to be honest, seeing that it is his only option. "I don't understand what you're trying to do. I thought we're here as representatives for the Jeong Group and Skyline—"</p>
<p>          "Oh enough of that, forget that." Jiyeon crosses her arms and leans forward on the table, slightly tilting her chin up as she smiles at Doyoung. "You don't even want to be here, right? We both know what this meeting is <em>really </em>for."</p>
<p>           There is a brief silence as Doyoung thinks. "Yes..." he finally drawls out.</p>
<p>          "I don't want to be here either." She leans back in her chair and grins one last time, but this time, the cold demeanor has dissipated and been replaced with an aura of playfulness. "I'm already in a relationship. And marriage like this is old fashioned. So let's have fun and then go back and say it didn't work out, okay?" She laughs to herself.</p>
<p>           Doyoung comprehends her words and then suddenly closes his eyes. He sighs a sigh of relief and can't help but slightly laugh to himself as well. "Why didn't you just say that earlier? I'm not good at reading people," he says carefully. </p>
<p>         "Yes, I can tell." Jiyeon twirls a lock of hair. "Did I scare you?"</p>
<p>          "You <em>confused </em>me," Doyoung corrects her, almost defensively. "Why did you even come here?"</p>
<p>          Jiyeon laughs again. "Because I felt like it. I wanted to see what you were like." She takes a sip of water before continuing. "My parents don't know about my girlfriend. It's too bad. She's really adorable. She's an architect student." She lets out a content sigh with a smile.</p>
<p>          Doyoung interrupts before he has to listen to her daydream about her partner. "Shouldn't you tell them?" he asks curiously. </p>
<p>          "No!" Jiyeon says cheerfully. "I won't tell them until after I marry her! I'm just waiting for her to graduate." Jiyeon grins giddily, and Doyoung has realized that this woman's previous aura of power was just a cover.</p>
<p><em>          She's actually just an idiot, </em>Doyoung thinks to himself. The thought reminds him of someone else.</p>
<p>          "What about you?" Jiyeon asks. "Are you in a secret relationship? I feel like it's fun for people in our position to be in one."</p>
<p>           "No," Doyoung immediately says. "And I would never do anything like that, to begin with." His response is curt, and he quickly drinks some water.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon shrugs in response. "Well, your loss. You only live once. If you want your own life to be boring, go ahead. I'll just be happy by myself." She giggles to herself, and Doyoung wonders if she has been drinking alcohol instead of water. However, the reality of her words sink in, and Doyoung is once again confused by Jiyeon's personality. She is all too similar to Taeyong, yet her position in her company makes Doyoung wonder if she can really allow herself to be that careless.</p>
<p>          "Aren't you worried?" he asks slowly. "No matter how you look at it, people might not take it seriously."</p>
<p>          His words seem to sober Jiyeon a bit as she straightens up. "Well, you seem to be taking it seriously." She gives a somewhat thankful yet devious smile before continuing. "And I really like her. She makes me happier than anything else I have. Who am I to run away from that?" She pauses a bit and glances at the sky, rocking back in forth in delight. "I want to be with her because I'm a person before a future CEO. She'll make me happier now than whatever I'll have in the future. And life is all about 'now' because you never know if you'll have a 'later.' Nobody can change my mind about that so I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure that my 'now' is the best it can be." She looks back at Doyoung. "Even if that means leaving my current world behind."</p>
<p>          Doyoung cannot wrap his mind around it. To him, it seems so selfish and childish. Yet he cannot help but feel that she is right. He can't remember the last time he's been immensely satisfied with his current life. "You're lucky you can think like that," he finally says.</p>
<p>          "I hope you can think like that too. You seriously need it." She laughs again, throwing her head back.</p>
<p>          Deep down inside, Doyoung knows she is absolutely right.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>After dinner with Jiyeon, Doyoung arrives home. He feels ready to drop at a moment's notice. His eyelids feel as if they're lifting weights, and he can barely move once he gets himself to bed. "That woman... talks way too much," Doyoung murmurs as he pulls the blanket up to his chin. But once he closes his eyes, he finds it difficult to sleep.</p>
<p>          The conversation with Jiyeon replays over and over again before his mind again drifts towards Taeyong. Perhaps it was because he was so tired he couldn't help it, or maybe his exhaustion made him delusional, but he begins to slip into a realization.</p>
<p>          As his eyelashes rest on his cheeks, he pulls his blanket in closer. He realizes how warm Taeyong is, how comfortable and inviting he is. Without his childish wisdom, would Doyoung have ever allowed himself to reunite with his mother or talk back to his father? Without that effortless way of smiling, would Doyoung have ever slipped into the suddenly normal waves of anger or sadness?</p>
<p>          It is Taeyong who taught him it's alright to be human in his world of strict excellence. It is Taeyong who demonstrated to Doyoung that his "now" can be filled with laughter. And as Doyoung's heartbeat slows, and his mind begins to drift towards sleep, Doyoung vulnerably thinks of how he is tired of always thinking of later. He wants his "now" to be as exciting as Taeyong as shown him it can be.</p>
<p>          He likes not thinking about future consequences, and he likes being able to enjoy each moment as it happens. He thinks about his past and knows that he's never relished hours, minutes, or even seconds of his life the way he does at times now.</p>
<p>          Before Doyoung falls asleep, he hates himself a little bit. He doesn't know if it's love or obsession, but whatever it is, he locks up the feeling in his heart. He won't let go of it and vows to carry it with him in secret. The last thing Doyoung thinks of before he falls asleep is how he never wants to lose someone like Taeyong.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is early morning when Doyoung wakes up but not early enough that he can bury his anxious feelings before the sun rises. He recalls his emotions from the night before and immediately wants to start crying from embarrassment. However, he swallows his pride and allows his heart to take the lead.</p>
<p>          After much hesitation, Doyoung takes a deep breath and decides to text Taeyong. His heart thumps against his chest so loudly that he can hear it in his ears. He taps his foot anxiously against the ground after he sends the message.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Almost immediately, Taeyong replies.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          The typing symbol makes Doyoung want to tear his hair out. He bites his lip anxiously, waiting for the response.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs in relief. Of course. Typical Taeyong would take eons just to send some non-coherent message. He gives his response as his heart begins to calm down. A small smile appears on Doyoung's face.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung cannot hold back the small laughter that escapes from his mouth. He chuckles a bit before replying for the last time.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          The smile does not leave Doyoung's face as he puts his phone away.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The step into the club is unfamiliar to Doyoung despite having been here so many times before. It feels as if turbulent waves clash around in his stomach, a sensation of both anxiety and excitement. His eyes carefully scan the scenery, and Doyoung slowly walks over to the dimly lit bar, each step feeling both heavy yet light.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sits down at a seat and sighs to himself. He rests his hand on the bar but does only that. After a few moments, the bartender approaches Doyoung. "I haven't seen you here in a long time," he says, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>          "Yes," Doyoung replies curtly, and the conversation ends. The bartender rolls his eyes and leaves him alone.</p>
<p>            In a little while, Doyoung spots Taeyong from a distance. Taeyong is nearly skipping as he approaches the bar, a grin so wide on his face that it is easily the brightest thing in the room. Doyoung instinctively shudders and tries to look away from the childish man in embarrassment.</p>
<p>          "Doo-Doo-Young," Taeyong says in a sing-song voice, leaning in close to Doyoung's ear. The lack of distance makes his stomach tumble, but he gulps and ignores it. "This is the last time you're ever going to come here," Taeyong continues as he sits down next to Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "What did you call me?" Doyoung asks, trying to stray his mind from the feeling of electricity running through his chest.</p>
<p>          "Doo-Doo-Young," Taeyong says again, without skipping a beat. "Let me order something first." As Taeyong turns his attention to the bartender to order some amalgamation of alcohol and fruit flavors, Doyoung tries to level his mind. </p>
<p>          Doyoung suddenly thinks that he's had too much realization in the time he's last met Taeyong and now. It was easier to admit that he's become somewhat attached to Taeyong while sitting all by himself in the solitude of his home. But now, Taeyong is not a recurring fragment in his mind but a real, living person sitting right next to him. Within the close distance, Doyoung can feel the warmth of his skin and the air of his breath. He shakes his head and tries to forget everything he's just thought of, yet it's difficult when it's the only thing on his mind.</p>
<p>          The bartender brings over some colorful drinks, and Taeyong receives them gratefully. "You know, Doyoung will never come here again," he says playfully to the bartender. "It's his last day. If you have anything you want to say to him before goodbye, now's your chance!"</p>
<p>          The bartender does not pause before walking away.</p>
<p>          "What is this?" Doyoung asks as Taeyong slides a blue drink to him.</p>
<p>          "Uh, I don't know. But! It's not wine!" Taeyong says brightly. "But do you know how weird you are? Who drinks wine at a club?" He shakes his head. "Not judging, you do what you want to do, but you're not fully taking advantage of what's offered to you here!"</p>
<p>           Doyoung takes a slow and careful sip of the drink after murmuring, "This is the closest place from work... I just wanted to have a glass before going home." After swallowing, a strong taste of alcohol, citrus, and sweetness burns Doyoung's throat. It is blatant and powerful, completely unlike the subtleness of his preferred drink.</p>
<p>          Taeyong manages to finish his margarita much faster than Doyoung and lets out a slow yet loud yell. "Okay! Now we are <em>intoxicated</em>!!" In his mind, Doyoung disagrees because this is typical sober-Taeyong behavior. "Let's get crack-a-lackin!" He grabs ahold of Doyoung's hand and pulls him to the crowded dance floor.</p>
<p>           Immediately, the environment makes Doyoung tense up. Sweaty bodies keep bumping into each other as they dance, and it feels like Doyoung will lose Taeyong's hand at any moment. But when Taeyong finally lets go, he is standing face to face with Doyoung in the middle of the dance floor.</p>
<p>          Taeyong flashes his teeth gleamingly and leans in towards Doyoung's face. He says something, but Doyoung cannot hear it. He secretly blames it on the music, but the sound of his heart thumping in his chest echos in his ears. The lack of distance is dizzying to Doyoung, and he feels like he cannot breathe.</p>
<p>          "Say it again," Doyoung says hoarsely as another realization settles in him.</p>
<p>          "I said I'm going to show you my killer moves!" Taeyong yells loudly before backing up. "Watch!" Taeyong begins to do some collaboration between the chicken dance and the sprinkler. A few people around him begin to cheer him on, but Doyoung stands still, unable to tear his eyes away from Taeyong.</p>
<p>          Time slows and Taeyong laughs. Doyoung closes his eyes. </p>
<p>          In front of him is a man who truly cares for Doyoung, someone that wants the best for him and tries his hardest to make him laugh.</p>
<p>          Doyoung opens his eyes and almost groans. He is a small stone in a big sea. At first, only small ripples in a gentle stream moved him forward. But now, turbulent, exciting waves dance around him, not allowing him a way back.</p>
<p>          In front of him is a man he's fallen in love with.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>
  <em>I love Taeyong. I love Taeyong. I love Taeyong.</em>
</p>
<p>          A heated wave of embarrassment washes over Doyoung as the thought repeatedly hammers itself into his mind. He feels his neck, cheeks, and ears go incredibly red and hot. He tries to look away from Taeyong but realizes that the small action will not do anything to sway his newfound feelings.</p>
<p>          Doyoung hesitantly walks towards Taeyong. Each step feels heavier than the one before as if a new anchor ties itself to his ankle each time Doyoung lifts his foot. Closing the distance makes Doyoung's heart ache; it twists and turns in his chest. If Doyoung could, he would rip it out of his chest since it would hurt less.</p>
<p>          Taeyong pauses his bizarre dancing when he notices Doyoung come near him. "Hey!" he says delightedly. "So, what did you think?"</p>
<p>          "I'm tired," Doyoung says gravelly. He stares at Taeyong's forehead, feigning eye contact. "Can I go home?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "That's all you have to say? Were you even looking at me?" Doyoung silently gulps in response, causing Taeyong to lean closer out of both curiosity and worry. "Hey, are you okay? You look kind of tense."</p>
<p>          "I'm fine," Doyoung says sharply. He quickly turns his head away from Taeyong, looking to the side before correcting his statement. "I'm alright, just tired."</p>
<p>          "Oh, then let's go outside for some air. I'll call a taxi." Taeyong smiles gently. "Sorry, I guess it wasn't too fun for you."</p>
<p>          "No," Doyoung says before he can even think. He turns back to face Taeyong, and the closeness makes him catch his breath. Taeyong tilts his head slightly, looking a bit flustered. "You were very humorous, so it was fine." He glances at Taeyong's eyes. They are shining and bright; there is an impression of purity about them. He quickly looks away before being entranced by them.</p>
<p>          A large grin appears on Taeyong's face. He leans back a bit and laughs heartily. "Whew, thank God! I thought my first outing failed!" He looks at Doyoung again and pats his shoulder. "Okay, then it's a success for today! Let's leave." He grabs ahold of Doyoung's hand, but before they even start walking, Doyoung quickly pulls his hand away. Taeyong looks at Doyoung in surprise.</p>
<p>          "Don't worry, I can follow," Doyoung says carefully. "Lead the way."</p>
<p>          Once outside, the two walk along a sidewalk next to the main road. The city lights glitter brightly. Cars rush by, sending small breezes as they pass. Doyoung tries to count his footsteps as he walks beside Taeyong, hoping the action will allow his heart and mind to steady. However, seeing Taeyong walk with a light skip next to him makes him easily lose count.</p>
<p>          Doyoung quickly over calls a taxi. "You should go first," he tells Taeyong.</p>
<p>          Taeyong shrugs. "Okay. You're first next time!" As Taeyong gets inside, he waves to Doyoung. "Thanks for coming out with me!" He does not stop waving as the taxi drives away. Doyoung is unable to tear his eyes apart from the image of the taxi getting smaller and smaller until it is completely gone.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Once at home, Doyoung checks his phone. He is surprised when he finds a text from Jiyeon.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs in relief. During this sudden moment of adversity, Doyoung has found an opportunity.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Either Jiyeon is has made a joke that is just a coincidence, or she is incredibly perceptive. Albeit the latter seems impossible to judge from just Doyoung's text, Doyoung thinks it is true. Somehow, from his eleven words, Jiyeon has already understood his dilemma. Doyoung sighs as he lies down in his bed.</p>
<p>          Although he feels worn down and slightly afraid, he is anxious for tomorrow. He falls asleep, finding himself thinking of Taeyong before drifting away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doyoung carefully steps out of his car and looks around as bright sunlight spills onto him. Jiyeon had texted him an hour earlier, inviting him to a cafe for lunch. He walks through the entrance and continues to scan the establishment. The ambiance is gentle and airy. There is a large abundance of plants; in every corner Doyoung looks, some arrangement of vibrant green stares back. The floor is light pine and filled with the scratches and footsteps of the many customers who regularly visit the cafe.</p>
<p>          As Doyoung keeps walking inside, he notices Jiyeon sitting at a counter-table in the corner. She gestures him over. As he approaches, Doyoung notices a vast disparity in her appearance from the last time they met. She wears a striped, off-shoulder top that elegantly exposes her collarbones. She has paired the top with dark pants and white sandal heels.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sits down next to Jiyeon. She nods enthusiastically in greeting. Her hair is tied in a low ponytail with strands of hair ready to fall out. Doyoung realizes that despite her casual look, Jiyeon still holds an immeasurable aura of grace. He is intimidated by her once again, even though he now knows of her unconcerned attitude.</p>
<p>          "Thanks for coming," Jiyeon says with her velvety voice as she leans in towards the side. "If I had to meet with <em>another </em>dimwit parasite, I think would have set myself on fire."</p>
<p>          "Thank you for the, er, compliment," Doyoung says. "Actually, how many people did your parents try to set you up with before me?"</p>
<p>          "You're probably like the fifth one. Don't worry though, Byeol is in her last semester. As soon as she graduates, I'm marrying her right away!" Jiyeon smiles widely, giggling to herself in a giddy manner.</p>
<p>          "Moving on," Doyoung hurridly interrupts. He hopes that Jiyeon never talks about her girlfriend in front of other people; her half-witted attitude could seriously ruin her reputation. </p>
<p>          "Ah right, you had something to talk about?" Jiyeon asks, feigning innocent curiosity.  She tilts her head in question, but her sly smile gives away that she already knows the topic.</p>
<p>          Doyoung takes a deep breath. He tries to speak, but when he opens his mouth, he finds the words to be stuck in his throat. He stares at his fingers on the table and tries to speak again, leaning in close as if he is telling a secret. "I like someone," he eventually chokes out. It was one thing to admit to himself he has fallen in love with Taeyong. But now that he's said it out loud, it becomes that much more raw and concrete. "Oh my God, I can't believe it. I fell for <em>that </em>guy. Out of all people." Doyoung closes his eyes and covers his face with his hands, letting out a loud groan.</p>
<p>          The only response Jiyeon gives is a delighted cackle. "We barely met a while ago! Did you listen to me so seriously that you already found someone?" She claps admiringly and grins. "That was fast."</p>
<p>          "No, I've known him for a while now. And I think I've liked him for a while too," Doyoung says weakly as he frowns. He realizes he must look very disheveled and pathetic to Jiyeon, causing his embarrassment to further grow. "But when I talked to you, I realized it."</p>
<p>          "Yay! You owe me a lot then!" Jiyeon laughs again. "Oh, let me go order food first. It would be rude for us to continue conversing in this pleasant place without appreciating their menu." Jiyeon stands up and walks over to the counter.</p>
<p>          While Jiyeon orders, Doyoung rests his arms on the table and hides his head. He closes his eyes and tries to tell himself he's just having a terrible dream. It is a long dream maybe because he's in a coma or something. Any excuse works, anything to persuade himself that this isn't real.</p>
<p>         But when Jiyeon comes back, she immediately sits down and continues the conversation. "So when are you going to tell him?" she asks casually in a pleasant tone.</p>
<p>          Doyoung jerks up and glares at Jiyeon. "I'm not going to." His eyebrows furrow together. This woman is much too strong. She's reduced Doyoung to feeling like an immature child. "I want to know how to stop."</p>
<p>          "You're so funny, Doyoung." Jiyeon shakes her head like she is a teacher scolding a preschooler. "It's not like you chose to like him. It just happened. So you can't choose to not like him either. That will also just happen on its own."</p>
<p>          "I don't want to deal with this," Doyoung responds faintly. </p>
<p>          "Why not? What's wrong if you do?" Jiyeon's smile falters a bit, and she becomes more serious. "Didn't I tell you before? You can't ever be sure of anything but the present. Anything can happen in the future."</p>
<p>          "What's your point?"</p>
<p>          "It's okay to feel hesitant. But I don't want you to regret anything later on. Be confident in your feelings."</p>
<p>          Doyoung shakes his head. "I'll regret everything if I don't stop this <em>now</em>," he replies pleadingly.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon frowns in dissatisfaction. "You're scared, aren't you?"</p>
<p>          The phrase makes Doyoung's stomach drop. He feels like a debilitated leaf on a branch of a tree before winter. He knows he must fall eventually, but he is afraid of doing so. He wants to stay on his comfortable branch for as long as possible; it is much more warm and safe than the cold, hard ground. "What would I be scared of?" he slowly asks, his voice shaking.</p>
<p>          "Getting hurt. Exploring something you haven't ever tried before. Or at least haven't seen in awhile." Jiyeon shrugs, but she looks straight at Doyoung, her gaze strong and unwavering. </p>
<p>          "I just don't want to deal with this," he says, gritting his teeth.</p>
<p>          "I thought you came here because you wanted to hear what I had to say." Jiyeon's voice is no longer playful but strict and forward. "I'm not saying you have to do what I tell you to do. But it's unfair if you're not even going to listen and deny everything."</p>
<p>          Doyoung is a lone snowflake, helplessly floating to the ground. Upon landing, the sunlight, which is gentle and warm to others, is glaring to him. It burns him until he melts, and he cannot hold anything back. "Jiyeon, I don't know what to do," he finally says. He looks her in the eye and sighs. "What you're saying... I'm frightened. You're right. It's unfamiliar, and I'd rather not go there." Doyoung is surprised at his own honesty, but somehow, he feels like he can trust Jiyeon. She understands his background and very much knows the consequences of being selfish in a rigid, competitive world.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon finally smiles, and it is one of comfort and understanding. "You don't need to force yourself to do anything you don't want to. But don't hate yourself over things you can't control." She sighs and glances at the ceiling. "Who even is this amazing person that has caused the put-together Kim Doyoung to fall apart?" she says to herself.</p>
<p>          "I know right," Doyoung murmurs. "Who is he to do that to me?" They are quiet after.</p>
<p>          A waitress interrupts their silence when she brings over the food Jiyeon had ordered. She places two sandwiches, black coffee, green tea, and a plate of waffles on the table.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon thanks her as she leaves and reaches for the tea. "You know," she says. "I really like cafes." Doyoung appreciates the change in topic and takes his coffee while Jiyeon sips her tea. "I feel like cafes are very comforting places to be. The food is light and the surrounding is calming. It's a good type of place for all sorts of people."</p>
<p>          The two eat in silence after Jiyeon talks. When they are done, Jiyeon points at the waffles with her fork. "I know you don't like sweet things. You don't seem like you do. But why not try something new?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung tentatively takes a small piece and chews on it. "It's alright," he says. "I don't like the sauce. But the waffles are okay."</p>
<p>          "See? That wasn't so bad." Jiyeon pulls the plate to herself. "Well, I like it a lot so I'll be finishing this, thank you very much."</p>
<p>          As Jiyeon munches on her dessert, Doyoung suddenly laughs. "Was that supposed to be some meaningful, eye-opening metaphor for my situation?"</p>
<p>          "I got them because I like waffles. But I took the opportunity as I saw it." Jiyeon smiles as some crumbs fall from the corner of her mouth.</p>
<p>          "Wipe your mouth," Doyoung says, handing her a napkin. He scoffs in disgust, but he is also smiling in amusement.</p>
<p>         "You remind me of my younger brother."</p>
<p>          "I'm older than you."</p>
<p>          "Thank you for listening to me, Doyoung."</p>
<p>          Doyoung looks at Jiyeon carefully. Her eyes look hopeful, starkly different from the sharp glance from when they first met. "Well, you're trying to help me. I might as well."</p>
<p>          "I think you'll be fine. You opened up a lot today. I know it isn't easy. But because you did it, you'll be okay." She finishes her waffles and leans back in her chair. She looks outside the glass window at the trees.</p>
<p>          "If it were you, what would you do?"</p>
<p>          "I'd tell him. You never know what will happen. Take the opportunity while you have it. He might like me, in that case, I would be really happy. He might not, in that case, now I know. I can move on." Jiyeon looks back at Doyoung. "Personally, if I just kept it in, it would be too suffocating. I'd never really know what would happen. It would be hard."</p>
<p>          Doyoung is silent as he turns to look outside. "I don't know. Maybe you're right." He shakes his head and sighs. "We'll see. I just won't think too hard on it."</p>
<p>         "Good job. That's how it should be. You don't need to logically figure out your feelings. That's the fun part about being human. We feel things because we can't help it." Jiyeon smiles again, her face shining brilliantly like stars. </p>
<p>          Doyoung just chuckles bitterly in response. "Fun? You're crazy. This is hard." </p>
<p>          The two are quiet again, but this time, it is more comfortable and peaceful. Doyoung's heart feels like it settles a bit. He is still anxious about his feelings, but as he thinks about it, he knows he cannot force himself to reject them. He will allow them to grow as they are. He knows that they will fade on its own so he tells himself secretly, he will just wait until they do.</p>
<p>          The two converse a bit more on small matters over another cup of tea. When they finish, the sky is only slightly darker. Doyoung walks Jiyeon out and thanks her again.</p>
<p>          "Let's continue to meet. And not only when you have a dilemma. We can be friends too, okay?" Jiyeon smiles and waves as she walks to her car.</p>
<p>      <em>    Friends.</em> </p>
<p>          Doyoung smiles and shakes his head as he enters his own car. He realizes he's grown a lot since he's first met Taeyong. Although it has been difficult, and it will likely continue to be so, he's survived thus far.</p>
<p>          A little more shouldn't hurt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doyoung had just gotten out of the shower when he answers a phone call.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, come over tomorrow!" Taeyong says brightly over the phone. "My roommate and I bought an electric grill, so we wanted to have a barbeque party."</p>
<p>          Hearing Taeyong's voice makes Doyoung's stomach tumble in somersaults. "I don't even know your roommate. It would be awkward." He gulps, hoping the excuse will work.</p>
<p>          "Don't worry, I'll introduce you guys. You can bring a friend too if you want." His voice does not waver and continues to shine positively like sunlight.</p>
<p>          Doyoung closes his eyes and tries to keep in a groan. It amazes him how careless and friendly Taeyong is. </p>
<p>          "We'll see."</p>
<p>          "I have Heiran's number! I'll text her myself!"</p>
<p>          This makes Doyoung stand up straight in shock as if an electric current has just run through him. "What?"</p>
<p>          "Come on Doyoung! It'll be fun! I'll make sure of it."</p>
<p>          Doyoung can only weakly sigh in response. He hangs up the phone and tosses himself onto his bed.</p>
<p>          His initial plan was to just avoid Taeyong. Fine. He admits that he loves Tayeong, and he'll accept it rather than try to deny it. But Taeyong does not make it easy at all. He's like an eager puppy following Doyoung around. The thought makes Doyoung's cheeks go warm, and he lets a small sob escape his mouth.</p>
<p>          Upon thinking on the matter for a few more seconds, Doyoung suddenly shoots up straight. Although he knows he cannot win against Taeyong, he also knows he must do what he can. He grabs his phone and first texts Herian.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung groans at the response, but he cannot feel surprised at her actions. He messages Jiyeon next.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung hopes that his invitation will do him better than harm. He stares at the ceiling and lets out a long, slow exhale. Although he is nervous, a small corner in the room of his heart seems to jump in excitement. </p>
<p>          There is a feeling of joy at the thought of being able to see Taeyong again.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>On the day of the get-together, Doyoung feels like running away. There is a heavy boulder weighing down on his shoulders, and he is anxious to get it off. He bites his lip as he grabs the most casual clothes he owns: a grey sweater and black jeans. As he gets dressed, he inhales and exhales deeply, trying to calm the rapid heartbeat in his chest.</p>
<p>          Sunlight streams through Doyoung's window, reminding him of the gentle weather. When Doyoung glances outside, bright clouds stare back. It is no longer cold but inviting and warm. Doyoung softly smiles at the realization as he heads down to his garage.</p>
<p>          "I'll use the Porsche today," he murmurs under his breath. He gets into his car and slowly drives out, letting down the roof of his convertible as he does so.</p>
<p>          There is a breeze that is gentle and comforting as Doyoung drives. He suddenly feels relaxed and hopeful for the future. He finds his way to where Jiyeon had asked him to pick her up. He parks next to the sidewalks and waits.</p>
<p>          When Jiyeon arrives, she is wearing a white dress shirt, but despite the intended formal use of the top, it is wrinkled. The top two buttons have abandoned their purpose, only one side of the shirt is tucked in, and the sleeves are unevenly rolled up. She has paired the shirt with a light pair of cropped jeans and white sneakers.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon smiles as she gets inside the car. Her hair is tossed up in some messy knot, and with each movement, rebellious strands flow down to her chin. "Thanks for the ride," she says as she buckles in her seatbelt. "I don't know what I'm more excited about. Finding out who this Taeyong is or seeing you interact with him?" Jiyeon laughs as Doyoung starts driving.</p>
<p>          All Doyoung can do is sigh. He drives towards Taeyong's home, making sure he stays under the speed limit as he does so. The longer it takes to get there, the better he thinks he will feel.</p>
<p>          Upon arrival, Doyoung scans the apartment building. He realizes that it must be filled with college students when he sees all the empty ramyeon bowls in the trash outside. "Here we are," he says, mostly to himself.</p>
<p>          "Here we are!" Jiyeon follows Doyoung to the door where he rings the doorbell. He anxiously taps his foot, but the door finally opens.</p>
<p>          "What took you so long?" Heiran asks, grinning widely.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung thinks that everything is very awkward. Taeyong and two other people are sitting at the table while Herian stands beside Doyoung and Jiyeon.</p>
<p>          "What. The. Fuck." This is from the man next to Taeyong. "Bro, you invited celebrities to our house? How come you never told us about this before?"</p>
<p>          The girl at the table only stares, her eyes wide and open. "I know both of them. But only from online," she says quietly.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon laughs elegantly, and Doyoung can tell that she's somehow going to brainwash them into thinking she is a normal person. "I'm Jiyeon. I'm Doyoung's plus one. What are your names?" She scans them as if that will tell her who Taeyong is. She sits down at a seat and smiles at them. "Don't be shy!"</p>
<p>          "I'm Sungyeol." Sungyeol quickly turns to look at Heiran. "Hold up. Don't tell me you're some conglomerate heir too."</p>
<p>          Heiran giggles and sits down. "My parents are both doctors, but they don't own a hospital or anything. I'm nothing like these two." She looks at Doyoung and motions at him to sit down.</p>
<p>          The only seat left is next to Taeyong. Doyoung carefully sits beside him and is greeted with Taeyong's permanent smile.</p>
<p>          "That's Seulmin," Taeyong says, pointing at her. "This is Doyoung everyone. He's a really nice guy."</p>
<p>          All Doyoung does is gulp. This may be just as difficult as he had initially thought.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"That means you must be Taeyong." The words come out of Jiyeon's mouth slyly, like a snake in a forest. She lazily points towards Taeyong and smiles sideways. "I've heard a lot about you!"</p>
<p>          "Like what?" Taeyong asks eagerly, leaning in towards the table.</p>
<p>          Doyoung feels like his heart will drop at a moment's notice. He holds his breath. He knows Jiyeon, and he decides to trust her so he waits for her response.</p>
<p>          "You ran up like hundreds of stairs and barged into his office just to criticize him." Jiyeon laughs, and Doyoung can breathe again.</p>
<p>          "It wasn't to criticize him, really," Taeyong says, pouting a bit. "I just wanted to help. I guess it came out wrong."</p>
<p>          Seulmin and Sungyeol can only listen and watch in awe. They don't speak, but their mouths remain slightly open the entire them. Doyoung takes notice of the two and laughs quietly to himself. Heiran has known Doyoung his whole life, Jiyeon is from the same background as him, and Taeyong has never even cared. The reactions of the two students remind Doyoung of how out of the ordinary his existence in this small apartment truly is.</p>
<p>          "Are you two students?" Doyoung asks quietly to the two. The other three seem too invested in exchanging humiliating stories about him, and he finds it uncomfortable if all Seulmin and Sungyeol will do is stare.</p>
<p>          "Yeah, it's our fourth year," Sungyeol responds quickly, nearly stammering. "I'm in political science, and she's in atmospheric sciences. You're friends with Taeyong?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung pauses before answering. Calling Taeyong a friend is both an understatement and an overstatement, but pondering on it makes it much more complicated. "Yes," he finally says. "Surprisingly. Where do you guys go?"</p>
<p>          "Hansung University," Seulmin replies. Doyoung notices how delicate her voice is. It's nice to listen to; he feels like a baby is listening to a mother's lullaby. "Not nearly as good as SNU. I heard the three of you went there."</p>
<p>          "As long as you're learning, it doesn't matter where." Doyoung smiles faintly. "That's a bit far from here, isn't it?"</p>
<p>          "An hour with the metro. I just wake up an hour earlier than everyone else," Sungyeol says. He points his thumb towards Seulmin. "This girl gets a free dorm. 'Cuz she's a <em>scholarship student</em>." He drawls out the last sentence and laughs while eyeing Seulmin. She only smiles and shakes her head. </p>
<p>          "Well, I still take the metro here for my internship, you know. It's not that different." As the two grin at each other, Doyoung feels like he's interrupting something so he clears his throat.</p>
<p>          Taeyong hears and claps his hands together. "Alright, gang. Let's bring out the meat and alcohol!"</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Things are not so terrible as Doyoung initially thought. There are meat grilling and bottles of soju being opened. The air is much more comfortable, and Doyoung is grateful to the kindness of the strangers he's just met. They do not isolate nor ignore him, and rather, everyone is included in discussion. </p>
<p>          There is a point where a certain member's overfriendliness results in two more invitations to a wedding.</p>
<p>          "You guys have to come. I swear you'll have fun, there's going to be a huge cake and everything," Heiran says pleadingly. Doyoung knows that she isn't even drunk, but Seulmin looks at her in worry.</p>
<p>          "I really couldn't," Seulmin says in an equally desperate tone. </p>
<p>          "Come on! I'll throw you the bouquet!" Heiran almost yells.</p>
<p>          "What?" Seulmin's face flushes pink, and she unconsciously glances at Sungyeol.</p>
<p>          "I saw that!" Heiran yells, standing up and flailing her arms up. "Now you have to come! Sungyeol, I'll give you the invitation, she can be your plus one!"</p>
<p>          As they argue, Jiyeon takes the opportunity to speak to Doyoung amongst the chaos. "How are you feeling?" she whispers, leaning in towards his shoulder. </p>
<p>          Doyoung turns his head so that she can hear. "It's alright. Not as bad as I had thought."</p>
<p>          "Taeyong is a nice person. I can see why you like him." Jiyeon leans back snickering, and Doyoung can feel his face go red.</p>
<p>          "You are the worst," he lets out with an exhale.</p>
<p>          "No, I'm the best! And you know it."</p>
<p>          Doyoung does not find it in himself to argue.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The night air is cooling. Doyoung leans on the porch barrier and closes his eyes as the wind brushes through his hair. He feels peaceful, and he allows himself to smile just a little. He takes a sip out of the beer can Taeyong had given him prior and savors the taste before swallowing.</p>
<p>         It does not take long for Taeyong to find him and stand next to him. "See, it's been fun, right?" he says with a relaxed grin. </p>
<p>          "You're not wrong. Heiran even invited more people to her wedding."</p>
<p>          Taeyong sighs in content and turns to look at Doyoung. He stares for a bit out of interest before carefully asking, "Do you like anyone right now?"</p>
<p>          The question makes Doyoung freeze. He grips the beer can more tightly, causing it to crinkle. "Not really," he says carefully. "Why?"</p>
<p>          "Just curious." Taeyong hums a little and takes another sip.</p>
<p>          "What about you?" Doyoung blurts out. He wants to bang his head against a wall for asking. It's not like he needed to know. But Doyoung figures that he must want to, deep down inside, since he asked anyways. </p>
<p>          Doyoung knows not to expect anything. He truly knows it, all the way to the bottom of his heart. But there's a small, small, small part of him that deeply wants to hear a specific answer. He knows it will not happen. He refuses to set himself up for failure, but that minuscule hope feels dauntingly large at this specific moment. He's on the edge of a cliff with a small branch being the only thing preventing him from falling.</p>
<p>          "I did," Taeyong finally says. He suddenly laughs to himself, but it seems a bit bitter and sad. "Actually, it's kind of embarrassing. Don't tell anyone, okay?" He looks at Doyoung with his smiling eyes, and Doyoung already accepts the result as it is. He was right so he can't feel disappointed. "I kind of liked Seulmin. She was really understanding, and she gets my background, so I don't know, I was comfortable with her. But her and Sungyeol obviously got something going on, so I'm not even going to bother." Taeyong sighs in defeat and turns to Doyoung. "But that's just how life is, right?"</p>
<p>          The initial disappointment was not too bad. It was something Doyoung was expecting. But the latter sentences hit him like a truck. The branch breaks, and Doyoung is crashing and falling, wounding himself in every manner possible. "You won't tell her at all?" he asks, his voice slightly shaky.</p>
<p>          Taeyong shrugs, not taking notice of Doyoung's sudden tension. "Well, maybe I would have. But since I know she likes someone, it would be really messed up of me to confuse her and bother her, you know? She's already doing her own thing. So I'll just keep it to myself."</p>
<p>          At this very moment, Doyoung wants to run away. He wants to hide and never come out again. The moment he knew he loved Taeyong, he knew he had to stop. He knew it would hurt, but truthfully, he didn't know it would be this bad. His stomach twists and turns. He feels like he could throw up except he also can't breathe because his throat is dry and stuck.</p>
<p>          It takes a lot of effort for Doyoung to reply. "I get it. I won't tell anyone." He even smiles a bit yet finds himself pathetic for acting like everything is okay.</p>
<p>          Taeyong laughs again and pats Doyoung's back. "You're a really good listener! Thanks for being such a great friend."</p>
<p>          As Taeyong laughs and the breeze blows, Doyoung makes a silent promise to himself. A promise that he'll keep his feelings locked up in his heart forever. It'll be a secret that will never escape, and nobody will ever know but him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At home, Doyoung cannot even sleep. He just sits on his couch and tries to think, but his mind is only numb and empty. He hates himself for even feeling that way. He knew that Taeyong never saw him as more than a friend, and he definitely knows that he's planned on never telling him from the beginning. Yet the confirmation from Taeyong himself is sharp, and it stings Doyoung's chest.</p>
<p>          Doyoung lets out a long and heavy sigh. He thinks of Jiyeon's words. Maybe this is better. He now knows how Taeyong feels without actually embarrassing himself first. Like Jiyeon said, now he can move on. But Doyoung grits his teeth because it's not easy to move on. He's been trying to move on since the moment he knew he loved Taeyong.</p>
<p>          He reaches for his phone, hoping to maybe distract himself but realizes that he cannot find it. Doyoung groans at the recognition that he's left his phone at Taeyong's home, and the thought of having to go back makes him nearly scream.</p>
<p>          Doyoung walks to the kitchen and gets himself a glass of cold water. He's about to go to bed when suddenly, his doorbell rings. He goes to open his door and is in utter surprise when he sees Jiyeon standing there, with tears streaming down her face.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung," she sobs out. She chokes on her words before letting them out. "I don't know what to do. Help me."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Jiyeon sits next to Doyoung on the couch as she wipes her face with a napkin Doyoung got her. It doesn't seem to do much because as soon as she dries them, more tears come to replace them. Doyoung has never felt so helpless in his entire life. Jiyeon isn't just crying; she's completely in shambles and has to catch her breath through her loud wails. Her shoulders shake, and she can't even talk.</p>
<p>          Doyoung awkwardly pats her shoulder. "Are you alright?"</p>
<p>          "No!" she manages to gasp out. "Do I look okay?"</p>
<p>          "No," Doyoung says sheepishly. "What is it?"</p>
<p>          Jiyeon wordlessly hands Doyoung her phone. Doyoung almost loses his breath when he sees the article on the phone.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          "How did they even get this," he says quietly. He can't find any words to say.</p>
<p>          "Why do we look so close?" Jiyeon sobs out. "My parents are so ecstatic, this is the stupidest thing ever."</p>
<p>          Doyoung thinks back and realizes the irony of the photo. It was the exact moment he told Jiyeon about his feelings towards Taeyong. He groans in frustration. "I really don't even know how to deal with this right now."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon continues to cry as Doyoung watches her. He waits until she finally speaks again. "Byeol saw it. I didn't tell her about you before."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's eyebrows furrow together. "It shouldn't be a big deal. We're just friends."</p>
<p>          "Except I told her everything and how my parents think we're seeing each other." Jiyeon's sobs grow louder again. "She doesn't want to be together anymore, Doyoung. She thinks we're better off separate since my parents would never approve, to begin with."</p>
<p>          As Jiyeon cries, Doyoung can only stare at the article. "What are you going to do?" he finally asks slowly.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon sits up straight and attempts to hold in her cries. "I'm going to leave, Doyoung. I'm so sick and tired of everything and all this. I'm selling my shares to pay off for school, and I'll manage on my own after that. I don't need any of it anyways." Her voice is gravelly and raw, yet there's strong determination in it, one that Doyoung feels like he can never relate to.</p>
<p>          Doyoung leans back into the couch in exhaustion. "For now, we'll just deny rumors, and make it clear that we're friends. You should explain to your parents. Seriously Jiyeon, you need to be honest with them at this point."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon nods slowly, but Doyoung can tell she doesn't want to talk to her parents at all. "I guess I will." She sighs and glances at Doyoung. "If it's not too much... Just in case, if I <em>actually </em>leave, could I stay at your place for a while? I'll find my own place in the meantime, but the less I have to stay at home, the better." Jiyeons glances at her lap, and it makes Doyoung feel uncomfortable to see her so helpless. Jiyeon is strong and confident; Doyoung is the one that's supposed to get help from her. </p>
<p>          "Yeah, that's fine." Doyoung sighs and stands up. "Go home first, and talk to them in the morning." He walks her to the door. "Oh right, I'll have to get my phone tomorrow so just come over when you need to, no need to text me first."</p>
<p>          "Thank you so much, Doyoung," Jiyeon says through sniffles. She continues to stare down, and Doyoung can tell that she feels ashamed. </p>
<p>          "It's okay, don't feel too bad. I'll see you later, alright?" Doyoung opens the door and walks Jiyeon out.</p>
<p>          "Bye," Jiyeon murmurs as she leaves. She begins to walk out but stops in her tracks when she sees another person standing in front of her. </p>
<p>          "Oh, you're here too!" Taeyong says. Jiyeon continues to leave without giving him much attention so Tayeong heads over to Doyoung. "Can I come in? I brought something you might need."</p>
<p>          All Doyoung can do is nod.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"You forgot your phone," Taeyong says as he walks inside Doyoung's home. He reaches in his pocket and hands it to Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "Thanks," Doyoung murmurs. He walks to the kitchen and grabs a glass to get Taeyong some water. He notices his hands slightly shake so he sets it down on the counter and motions at Taeyong to get the glass himself. "How did you know my address?"</p>
<p>          "I texted Heiran. By the way, did you drive home?" Taeyong drinks the water before setting it back down on the counter.</p>
<p>          "Of course not. I called a chauffeur service."</p>
<p>          After Doyoung speaks, the two of them stand awkwardly in silence. Doyoung can only stare at the wall behind Taeyong. He hides his hands in his pockets and bites his tongue to hold himself back from saying anything. Taeyong, similarily, stares at his feet. He twiddles with his thumbs and taps his foot. Finally, he decides to speak. The words that come out are careful, unlike Taeyong's usual manner of speech. "I saw Jiyeon leaving as I came in. You guys also looked really close at the party."</p>
<p>          In an instant, Doyoung immediately understands.</p>
<p>
  <em>          Do you like anyone right now?</em>
</p>
<p>          Doyoung tries to respond; the words he wants to say are in a rush to come out. He nearly stammers, but Taeyong speaks faster. "I saw the article too." He finally grins and starts laughing. "Look at you! When we first met, you acted like you hated human interactions, but you even had a secret girlfriend this whole time!"</p>
<p>          For some reason, Taeyong's innocent words engulf Doyoung in a bitter type of rage. He feels a hot, fiery ball roll up in his chest. It smothers him and jabs at him, teasing him to let everything out, but Doyoung refuses. It feels like there's smoke in his throat, but he will not open his mouth.</p>
<p>          Taeyong does not notice. He continues to smile in his friendly, playful smile without a care in the world. "Kind of messed up how you got exposed though. Although I'm glad you never did that sort of stuff when I was in that field. I would feel terrible if I had actually caught you on a date. Good thing you used to be boring before we were friends, huh?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung clenches a fist, his nails digging into his palms. He feels so helpless. He's a lone leaf in a thunderstorm, flailing around. Rain bashes into him, tossing him around like he's a joke.</p>
<p>          "Anyway, glad you got your phone back. I'll leave now!" Taeyong waves as he walks to the door. "Congratulations on your relationship!"</p>
<p>          Faster than Doyoung can even think, he rushes over and grabs Taeyong's hand. Taeyong looks at him in surprise, and the kindness of his gaze makes Doyoung almost break. "You're so stupid," Doyoung breathes out. His voice is hoarse, defeated. He can't stop himself now, no matter how hard he tried.</p>
<p>          "What? You always say—"</p>
<p>
  <em>          Don't. Do. It. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.</em>
</p>
<p>          "I like you."</p>
<p>          All Doyoung had planned on was accepting.</p>
<p>          But now it is up to Taeyong to accept Doyoung's confession.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>
  <em>"I like you."</em>
</p>
<p>          The words leave Doyoung's mouth as does every feeling of anxiety and terror inside of him. It washes out, and all that remains is an empty feeling of loss. His mind is numb, and his body feels light as air.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's eyes go wide momentarily before he starts to giggle. "When did you get so funny? Nice joke, I'm leaving for real now."</p>
<p>          Doyoung realizes that he could stop now if he wanted. He can smile and agree that it is a joke and move on. But he doesn't. He finds it in himself to let everything out. It doesn't matter anymore if he would be confusing or bothering Taeyong with his feelings. Doyoung thinks he owes it to himself to come clean. It's too painful to be the only one carrying the burden.</p>
<p>          It's a selfish decision. But it's a decision Doyoung thinks he deserves.</p>
<p>          "I'm not joking. I'm serious. Don't keep making fun of me." His voice is a bit stronger now, but it shakes near the end.</p>
<p>          The corners of Taeyong's mouth drops only slightly as he processes the words. "What? I'm not making fun..." Doyoung drops Taeyong's hand as the two look at each other. Realization washes over Taeyong, and the pit of his stomach fills with an overwhelming sense of guilt. "You mean it?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung only sighs. It's a long and heavy sigh, and with it leaves all his feelings of distress. And then, remarkably, he smiles. He smiles because it's really over this time. It's not as painful as he thought it was, and now, he <em>truly </em>feels like he can move on.</p>
<p>          But while Doyoung is coming to terms with himself, Taeyong's head spins with this newfound awareness. "I had no idea, I never even saw you like that," he stammers out. He discerns the potential impact of his words so he rushes to continue. "I mean, you're Kim Doyoung. I just never thought I could be someone like that to you. You're way out of my league, I was grateful we're even friends!"</p>
<p>          "I know," Doyoung says, but he realizes he only knew that Taeyong didn't like him. The fact that Taeyong did, in fact, keep Doyoung's status at the very back of his mind is somewhat disappointing to Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, I'm sorry," Taeyong sputters. "I really never even thought it was possible, I'm really—"</p>
<p>          "Taeyong, I know." Doyoung puts his hands on Taeyong's shoulder and leans in. "I know. It's okay."</p>
<p>          Taeyong can only nod frantically in reply. "We can still stay friends, right? I don't want our relationship to be affected by this or anything." Taeyong realizes, again, how terrible everything that comes out of his mouth sounds. "Ugh, no, I'm so stupid, I'm talking about me, you didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one that's ruining everything." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Doyoung, I'm sorry, I just need to think for a bit."</p>
<p>          Doyoung backs away and slowly nods. "Yeah. You should go home then. I'll talk to you later, thanks for bringing my phone." Doyoung opens the door and gently pushes a frozen Taeyong out. "Get home safe."</p>
<p>          "Y-yeah." Taeyong turns and quickly walks away.</p>
<p>          Doyoung closes the door and flops onto his couch. </p>
<p>
  <em>          It's really over.</em>
</p>
<p>          It feels as if Doyoung can finally move on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong only feels numb all over. He lies in bed and stares at the ceiling, his body motionless except for his fingers energetically tapping the blanket. He can't quite bring himself to think; as soon as he does, guilt and a sense of self-loathing engulfs him. He is upset with his own reaction as much as he is shocked that Doyoung has ever seen him as more than a friend.</p>
<p>          It's not like Taeyong ever saw Doyoung as anything <em>but </em>a friend. But it confuses Taeyong because it's only because he could never imagine it. Kim Doyoung? A corporate heir? There's no way he'd even <em>allow </em>himself to fall for someone so out of reach like that. But Doyoung did exactly that. Doyoung had looked past their differences and saw Taeyong for who he was. It stings Taeyong's chest all the way to the pit of his stomach because he hadn't done the same. He feels shallow.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's mind wanders towards possibilities he wants to slap himself for thinking of. What if he just looked at Kim Doyoung? Not as a corporate heir but as the gentle and quiet man he is? A man who is more thoughtful than he knows himself, and a man who is comforting in his silent understanding? Taeyong nearly kicks his blankets in frustration. He thinks he's unfair and terrible for thinking of this now and not before.</p>
<p>          A groan escapes his mouth. He thinks he's terrible, he truly does. He closes his eyes shut, trying to fall asleep. It is hours before he does, but all he can think of until then is how he owes it to Doyoung to help him move on.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Taeyong, I have someone I want you to meet," the producer tells Taeyong who has just arrived at work.</p>
<p>          The words barely register in Taeyong's throbbing mind. He can't tell if it's from the lack of sleep or from the stress he's had thinking of Doyoung, but the back of his head burns in pain. "What?"</p>
<p>          "This is Sung Yookyung. You know her right? She anchors the 7:00 A.M. news."</p>
<p>          The woman standing beside the producer smiles warmly. "You did a great job last time, Taeyong," she says.</p>
<p>          Taeyong can only nod as he barely follows along.</p>
<p>          "She's pregnant," the producer continues.</p>
<p>          "Uhhhh," Taeyong drawls, not really sure how to answer. "Congratulations, I guess?"</p>
<p>          Yookyung laughs brightly and shakes her head at the producer. "Taeyong, I'll be moving to somewhere a bit more local. Since I'm starting a family and all, I wanted to go somewhere a bit more suburban. I think you'll be a <em>great </em>replacement for my time slot."</p>
<p>          Taeyong's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Really?" The severity of his headache suddenly feels minuscule.</p>
<p>          "So do you want it or not?" the producer asks impatiently.</p>
<p>          "Of course!" Taeyong grins widely. "Good luck with your kid!" he says, turning to Yookyung and shaking her hand.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong finds himself in Sungyeol's room again, lying on his bed and counting the number of times his own chest rises. With the school year having been started, Sungyeol's computer is turned off, and he concentrates deeply on his textbooks and homework. Taeyong can't help but feel slightly bad for interrupting his moment of concentration, but he finds it in himself to do it anyways.</p>
<p>          "I feel like so much has happened," Taeyong slowly says, glancing sideways at Sungyeol.</p>
<p>          Sungyeol gently closes his book. "I was going to take a break anyways." He swivels in his chair to face towards Taeyong. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>          Now that he's gotten his roommate's attention, he doesn't really know what to say. "Well, I don't know," he begins slowly. "Do you remember what things were like when I was in high school?"</p>
<p>          Sungyeol scratches his ear and ponders on the question before gradually answering. "Kind of? You were super quiet, and all you did was study. You never talked or anything. You didn't even cry at your mother's funeral." His voice becomes a bit quieter as he realizes the seriousness of the topic.</p>
<p>          "Right, but you know what was kind of funny? Even though we were like that, things were still kind of similar. You'd always play games or bother me about your stupid middle school math." Taeyong smiles to himself, reminiscing the image of the younger version of his friend.</p>
<p>          A small, defensive frown appears on Sungyeol's face. "Dude, are you just doing this to make fun of me?"</p>
<p>          "I owe a lot to your mom," Taeyong continues. "I should buy her some underwear when I get my first paycheck. And I promise to take you to a Girls' Generation concert next time they have one."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol scoffs at the statement. "You've been saying that for like ten years, bro." He shakes his head. "I need to study."</p>
<p>          "How are things with Seulmin?" Taeyong quickly says, smiling slyly.</p>
<p>          Sungyeol's eyes go wide, and his cheeks blush in embarrassment. He pulls a pillow from right under Taeyong's head and begins to whack his stomach with it. "Seriously, you're just making fun of me, aren't you?" he yells defensively, not pausing from his barrage of pillow attacks.</p>
<p>          "Little Yeol has grown up!" Taeyong snorts out through laughter as he tries to cover his face with his arms. "I'm proud of you, my baby bro!" He escapes out the door from Sungyeol before he loses his life.</p>
<p>
  <b>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</b>
</p>
<p>Taeyong thinks of Doyoung again. He feels bad every time he does it. His stomach sinks like a rock in a lake, and it makes him uncomfortable wondering what Doyoung is doing. Does he think of Taeyong as much as Taeyong thinks of him? Or maybe, he doesn't care anymore. He's let it all out and realized how terrible and annoying Taeyong really is.</p>
<p>          The thought makes Taeyong's chest tense. The idea of losing a friend like Doyoung makes Taeyong nearly scream, but a voice brings him back to reality.</p>
<p>          "We'll be live in five minutes!"</p>
<p>          Taeyong pushes his glasses up but scrunches his nose and squints his eyes towards the teleprompter. "Can we make the font a bit bigger? It's slightly blurry."</p>
<p>          "Guess you need new glasses," Taeyong's partner politely suggests.</p>
<p>          "Yeah, maybe."</p>
<p>          He thinks of Doyoung again.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong's tired feet barely keeps him standing on the subway while he heads home from work. His eyes struggle to stay open, but a sudden ring from his phone is enough to help him win his battle against sleep.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          At first, Taeyong sighs in disappointment upon thinking about how he'll be home alone. But he thinks for a bit more and smiles to himself before making a call to someone who's been on his mind.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Taeyong invited me out."</p>
<p>          Doyoung is in his kitchen, stirring a pot of boiling water. There's nothing in it, yet. He just feels like stirring will help him ease his mind. Jiyeon sits on a barstool at the island, her chin resting in her palm and her elbow digging into the glamorous marble.</p>
<p>          "Will you go?" she asks. Her voice is delicate and careful, but there is still a tinge of bitterness to it.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs and rests the wooden spoon next to the stove. He sits down on a stool across from Jiyeon and rests his arms on the island. "I don't know." He shakes his head, not quite sure what to say regarding the matter. He <em>thinks </em>he's okay. But thinking is different from knowing. He's sitting in the middle of a gentle river, the currents soft and inviting. Yet he knows that not too far ahead, there is a waterfall, crashing and thunderous. If he isn't careful, those sweet currents could take him closer to the edge than he'd think.</p>
<p>          "What did your dad say about the article?" Jiyeon's voice is yielding as it is desperate.</p>
<p>          Doyoung can't seem to answer, but he knows his silence will only hurt Jiyeon more. "He doesn't really care. He doesn't think it's worth spending time on." He glances at Jiyeon's eyes, and they're simply tired. Doyoung wants to say anything he can to make up for it, but deep down, he knows nothing can change the matter.</p>
<p>          "It's fine, I get it. Public opinion isn't important for a contracting company." She sighs in defeat. "I can't believe the nerve of those reporters." She crosses her arms on the table and rests the side of her face on them. "I called them, you know. I was super angry and everything, but all they said was that the article never said we were in a <em>relationship</em>. So it's not like it's wrong." She jerks up as if a sudden swarm of anger straightens her back. "So I told my parents, that they'd only publish a response from an 'official' source. But they won't do anything! They don't even care that it isn't true, they're ecstatic about the publicity!"</p>
<p>          Jiyeon's rant makes Doyoung's chest feel heavy. He feels terrible that the whole event has taken everything away from Jiyeon. "I'll tell Taeyong I can't go today," he finally breathes out. He stands up from the barstool and grabs a swirl of fresh pasta from the fridge. After half-hazardly chucking it in the boiling water, he leans back against the counter next to the stove and lets out a slow exhale. "We could use a little off day. And... I told Taeyong I liked him."</p>
<p>          "You what?" Jiyeon's eyes go wide. "When? What happened?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung recounts the story and watches Jiyeon's expression change from excited to hopeful to disappointed and, finally, to angry.</p>
<p>          "Rejection wasn't as bad as I thought," Doyoung says, half a smile painting his face. "Glad I took your advice."</p>
<p>          "That absolute loser! How could he reject you?" Jiyeon frowns. "Are you sure you're okay?"</p>
<p>          A small laugh escapes Doyoung's mouth. "Yes, I'm sure. I'm still grateful to know him. He's helped me a lot. I owe him."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon shakes her head. "No, Doyoung. It's true that he helped you open up a lot and that I also gave you advice, but make sure you don't owe your success to him. You did everything yourself, Doyoung. They're <em>your </em>decisions and <em>your </em>actions. Be thankful to yourself more than anyone else." </p>
<p>          Doyoung blinks in response. "I was just saying—"</p>
<p>          "I know. But I just wanted you to know. I was making sure. Be proud of yourself. You don't need someone else to fix you. Just make sure that <em>your </em>happiness is for <em>you</em>, okay?" A small, encouraging smile appears on Jiyeon's face, and she nods heartwarmingly to him.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon's words were not anything that Doyoung had expected to hear. It seemingly came out of nowhere. But after digesting it, he is thankful that he's heard it, and his shoulders feel just a bit lighter. It is a gentle reminder, to him, that things are not bad as it seems, and perhaps he should be more grateful to how comfortable everything really is.</p>
<p>          "Thank you, Jiyeon," Doyoung says softly. "I truly mean it."</p>
<p>          "Yeah, yeah, don't make it too sweet." She waves her hand dismissively, but Doyoung does not miss the grin on her face. "And also, I'll be fine. Go out with him. My pasta and I will be in peace. Make him regret rejecting you."</p>
<p>          The statement makes the two of them laugh.</p>
<p>          Things will be alright.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Nineteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky is beginning to darken, but it still feels bright. The moon glows against a gentle lavender hue the same time the sun gleams across from it. Doyoung breathes in the atmosphere, feeling both at ease and slightly anxious. He arrives at Taeyong's home and waits in his car. Moments later, Taeyong virtually flies out of the door, running to the car as his dark hair flops up and down.</p><p>          He gets in the front seat and places a small container at his feet as he buckles in his seatbelt. He takes off his glasses to wipe them with his shirt before he says, "Thanks for meeting up with me." Taeyong looks at Doyoung and smiles softly, but deep down in his heart, he still feels a small bit of guilt.</p><p>          Things are not as awkward as Doyoung had thought it would be. Perhaps it's because he had no expectations, or perhaps he's just grown as a person, but whatever it is, Doyoung is grateful that he can allow his friendship with Taeyong to continue existing. "Where to?" he asks.</p><p>          Taeyong shakes his head. "It's a surprise. Close your eyes until we get there."</p><p>          Doyoung sighs. "I'm driving."</p><p>          "Oh."</p><p>          The two stare at each other in silence before breaking out into laughter. "You know, you set standards for stupidity," Doyoung says after they calm down a bit.</p><p>          "Hey, I have to be the best at <em>something</em>," Taeyong replies with enthusiasm. "Anyways, we can't have you driving blindfolded, unfortunately, so I'll just tell you the directions."</p><p>          Doyoung nods and smiles to himself. "Lead the way."</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>The drive begins in a sort of complacent silence. Taeyong looks out his window and watches the scenery flash by as he hums a small tune to himself. Doyoung listens and smiles the smallest smile.</p><p>    After a while, Taeyong stops and turns to look at Doyoung. Although Doyoung doesn't look back, he can feel the stare on the side of his neck. It makes him curious and fidgety, yet he can't bring himself to say anything.</p><p>          Taeyong breaks the quiet first. "I'm a regular anchor now," he says slowly. Doyoung laughs a bit because to him, Taeyong sounds like a small child, bragging in hopes of hearing some approval in return.</p><p>          "That's great. You deserve it."</p><p>          "But you know, a while ago, one of the producers asked me if I could set up an interview with you."</p><p>          Doyoung takes in the information, and he immediately understands. He lets out a small, exclamatory breath. "Well, did he ever bring it up later? More recently?"</p><p>          "Enter the highway here!" Taeyong exclaims after glancing at his phone. He continues, "No, he didn't. Possibly due to recent events. But I still feel like I owe a lot to you. Like, I was able to get here thanks to you."</p><p>          "Not at all," Doyoung says quickly as he smoothly drives onto the highway. "Your achievements are yours. You got here with your own skill, don't credit your success to anyone but you." He silently smiles to himself when he realizes how familiar his words are.</p><p>          "Oh." Taeyong blinks in realization. He doesn't attempt to hold back his wide grin. "Thanks. I guess you're right." He leans his head against the window. "I was going to say no anyways. Wouldn't even dream of selling out a friend for my own success."</p><p>          The sun begins to set as the moon rises.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>When Taeyong said he wanted to take Doyoung somewhere, Doyoung expected a nearby restaurant or something. He had definitely not expected the two-hour drive all the way to Incheon. The sun had been long gone by the time they arrived. The sky is pitch black with only a full moon as the source of light.</p><p>          Doyoung heaves out a groan as he finally steps out of the car. "All the way to Eurwangi Beach? Seriously?" He looks up at the sky. There is the twinkling of an airplane heading towards the nearby Incheon Airport. "What are we doing here?"</p><p>          Taeyong takes out the container he had brought and reveals it to be a small cooler. "Chicken and soda! I would have brought beer, but I don't think there's a chauffeur service willing to drive us two hours back. Heh." Taeyong scratches the back of his neck sheepishly.</p><p>          "What makes you think I'm willing?" Doyoung asks with an exasperated sigh.</p><p>          "I can drive back!"</p><p>          Doyoung stops and ponders for a bit. He's never seen Taeyong drive, but for some reason, he can't imagine Taeyong being any good at it. He quite likes his car so he decides against it and exhales in defeat. "Nevermind."</p><p>          The confirmation makes Taeyong skip towards the beach.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>Doyoung and Taeyong sit next to each other, their shoulders centimeters away from touching. The waves gently lap the shore, only a few meters away from their bare toes. A box of fried chicken accompanies the two. It sits between them and already has a little bit of sand scattered in it from Taeyong's carelessness.</p><p>          Doyoung leans back, his hands supporting him as his fingers dig into the cool sand. The ocean fragrance wafts around him as does the salty air. There is only the sound of the gentle sea in front of him and Taeyong chugging soda at an abnormal speed.</p><p>          "Ahh, that was good," Taeyong says, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie. He takes off his glasses and shoves them in his pocket before stretching his arms out. He allows himself to fall back on the sand. "You know what I think of when I come to the beach?" </p><p>          "What?" Doyoung asks calmly.</p><p>          "This is a cat's infinite litterbox."</p><p>          There is silence. It wasn't an answer Doyoung had been expecting, but at the same time, it's so Taeyong-esque that he isn't surprised. Instead of replying, Doyoung just watches the waves go back and forth. Had Taeyong told him in advance they'd be traveling this far, Doyoung might have thrown him out the car and onto the road. But he's already here, and he doesn't think complaining will change things so he enjoys it instead. </p><p>          It's calm and relaxing like never before. It's not often that Doyoung allows himself to just sit and do nothing. He takes a sip of his soda, which is cold and fresh. He is thankful that Taeyong used up his one brain cell to add ice in the cooler, but unfortunately, it seems like that was his good idea for the day. The chicken is also as cold as the drinks.</p><p>          Doyoung reluctantly grabs the least sandy piece and eats it after blowing on it a little. Although it isn't very appetizing, he feels full regardless.</p><p>          Taeyong stares at the sky, looking for a star, but he can't find any. "When I was little... Actually no, up until a while ago, I thought the moon was bright on its own," he says casually. Before Doyoung can even respond to the "a while ago" part, Taeyong holds up a finger to shush him, without even looking. "It's actually reflecting the sun's light. Isn't that really cool? We get to see how pretty and cool it is thanks to the sun."</p><p>          "You're right," Doyoung says instead, his voice quiet.</p><p>          "There's also the stories about it too. I like the ones where it's all romantic with the sun and moon in love. But then I realized it's kind of sad. They can't ever meet each other. Or there's even one about them sacrificing themselves for each other." Doyoung begins to think that Taeyong could actually be very poetic and thoughtful, but Taeyong opens his mouth again, ruining the notion. "Aren't we so weird? We made up love stories about a giant-ass rock and a giant-er-ass ball of gas." He grabs a piece of chicken and begins to eat it, sand and all.</p><p>       <em>   This is ridiculous</em>, Doyoung thinks to himself.</p><p>          Before he can even speak, Taeyong blurts out, "Why do you like me?"</p><p>          The question makes Doyoung pause. It's an innocent and curious question. He doesn't find it uncomfortable at all, and rather, it's something that Doyoung had wondered for the longest time as well.</p><p>          "I don't know," Doyoung finally says. He thinks he does.</p><p>          "Well, that makes sense. It's not like you pick and choose who you like. Feelings like that just happen." Taeyong shrugs and sighs. He sits up, sand falling from his hair as he does so. "I'm really sorry for everything," he says. His voice is more honest and raw than usual. It makes Doyoung's heart ache, just the smallest bit. "I'm sorry you liked someone like me. And I'm most sorry that I didn't look past your career and reputation. This whole time, you were looking at me as a person. Yet I always kept your position at the back of my mind."</p><p>          "You don't have to feel sorry about anything. You didn't do anything wrong." The words seem to slip out of Doyoung's mouth so easily. His chest feels relieved of burden; he is always able to say exactly what he wants now.</p><p>          "But I did!" Taeyong's eyes are wide. "If I even bothered to just treat you as a <em>normal </em>person, maybe..." Taeyong trails off.</p><p>
  <em>          Maybe I would have liked you too.</em>
</p><p>          Taeyong doesn't say it. There's no way he could. That's too unfair.</p><p>          Taeyong's head suddenly feels like it's stuffed with cotton. The conversation makes him truly realize what he's done. Now that he's come upon the topic, he can actually imagine himself in love with Doyoung.</p><p>          Doyoung is kind. Doyoung is smart. Doyoung is gentle and quiet, and although he acts like he's allergic to Taeyong, he's stuck by him this whole time. Doyoung is calm like a spring wind. But he's also fleeting, and Taeyong knows it's too late.</p><p>
  <em>          No. Oh no.</em>
</p><p>          Doyoung tilts his head a bit in question, waiting for Taeyong to say something. However, Taeyong doesn't know what he will say. A million possibilities run through his mind, and he considers what would be right and what would be wrong.</p><p>          "What is it?" Doyoung asks.</p><p>          Doyoung is honest. Doyoung told him the truth at the end so maybe, Taeyong should too. No matter what the consequences are.</p><p>
  <em>          Okay. Fine. Fuck it.</em>
</p><p>          Taeyong takes a deep breath.</p><p>          "Kim Doyoung!" He grabs Doyoung's shoulders and looks right into his confused, wide eyes. "I think I like you!"</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>Doyoung doesn't know whether to feel happy or insulted. He doesn't know what to feel at all. His mind comes to an absolute standstill; he can't really comprehend anything. It's as if time has frozen, and the only thing moving is his anxious, beating heart.</p><p>          Taeyong continues to stare at him with big, wide eyes. The words have come out much faster than he could think.</p><p>
  <em>          Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Holy SHITTTTTTTT. </em>
</p><p>          Taeyong continues to stare wordlessly, but a thousand profanities run across his mind. He doesn't know if he regrets it or not. He knows he <em>means </em>it. But maybe now is not the right time at all.</p><p><em>          What's done is done,</em> Taeyong thinks.<em> It's impossible to take it back now.</em></p><p>          Doyoung finally speaks first, his mouth in a small, sideward smile that is confused as it is soothing. "Didn't you reject me only a few days back?"</p><p>
  <em>          AGHHHHHHHHH!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKK!!!</em>
</p><p>          There were many things that Taeyong could have done. He could have chosen to be calm or just stay completely quiet. But his immediate reaction is to tighten his grip on Doyoung's shoulder and begin violently shaking him back and forth. "THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Taeyong screeches as Doyoung's head jerks back and forth. "I LIKE YOU!"</p><p>          Now, Doyoung really doesn't know what to think. As his black hair flops around in Hurricane Taeyong, only one thing crosses his mind: <em>He is absolutely insane.</em></p><p>          Amongst the storm, Doyoung attempts to lift his hands to Taeyong's and make him stop. He removes Taeyong's hands. His hair is absolutely disheveled, and Doyoung feels quite out of it as well. "Okay, I get it," he says calmly. "You like me. Didn't you like Seulmin just a few weeks ago? And even Heiran before that?"</p><p>
  <em>          OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD. I FORGOT. FUCKING SHIT. </em>
</p><p>          Taeyong can't stand it. He feels so embarrassed. His chest feels firey hot, and it's like someone is holding a burning lightbulb against his neck. He shoots up and runs away from Doyoung and towards the cold ocean. The water feels cooling as he flops down and sits in it. He wishes he was a little grain of sand, something so insignificant that if he were to wash away right now, nobody would notice or care.</p><p>          Doyoung watches Taeyong sit in the waves. He's not sure if he should be worried about Taeyong's mental health; it's quite possible he's just gone crazy. But there's one thing for sure: no way is he going to let Taeyong, with his soaked bum, back into his car.</p><p>          Doyoung reluctantly stands up and slowly walks over to Taeyong. The water reaches just above his ankle so he makes sure to roll up his pants before crouching over to a slumped Taeyong. "Are you alright?" Doyoung softly asks.</p><p>          "No." Taeyong stares blankly at the water. "This is so humiliating."</p><p>          "What, liking me?"</p><p>          "No!!!" Taeyong whips around to look at Doyoung but realizes he's smiling. "You made a joke?" Taeyong shrieks. "You can do that?"</p><p>          Doyoung cannot contain his laughter. He throws his head back and laughs the loudest he's ever laughed in years. He realizes now that he feels happy. There's an immense amount of relief and joy in his heart. He feels light as air, and there is possibly nothing that could ever hurt him now. His laughter doesn't cease stop which causes a frustrated Taeyong to scoop up water with his palm and flick it at Doyoung. As saltwater runs down his chest, Doyoung finally settles.</p><p>          "I like you too," Doyoung says, the smile not ever leaving his face.</p><p>
  <em>          Oh my God. He's so cute. </em>
</p><p>          "I know that already! I like you too, too!" Taeyong exclaims, throwing his hands up. The action causes him to scatter more ocean water. Doyoung offers Taeyong his hand and pulls him up. Even after Taeyong is standing, both of them find it a bit difficult to let go. So they both decide to just not. "I really do!" Taeyong stumbles over his words, hoping he can explain right now. "I mean you, Seulmin, and Heiran are all very likable people."</p><p>          "Oh? What changed between when you rejected me and now?"</p><p>          Taeyong's neck, cheeks, and ears all flush. "I allowed myself to think of me beside you!" He stares at his feet shyly. "And I liked it. Thinking about that. I liked it a lot."</p><p>          The response makes Doyoung blush as well. He thinks it's awfully cliche: the two of them standing in the ocean, the moonlight being the only witness of their affections. But he doesn't hate it. He likes it too. "Me too," Doyoung manages to say.</p><p>
  <em>          I could totally kiss him right now. I'm not even wearing my glasses. It's perfect. Oh my gosh, I really could.</em>
</p><p>          Taeyong begins to close his eyes and leans forwards, slightly puckering his lips. Doyoung does not notice, however, as he turns back towards the shore. "We should head back. It must be midnight by now." Taeyong opens one eye slightly and sees that Doyoung is not even looking at him. He immediately straightens up before Doyoung notices.</p><p>          "Yeah, totally," Taeyong mumbles, clearing his throat.</p><p>          The two of them begin to walk back.</p><p>          They don't ever let go of each other's hands.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>Doyoung had been worried that the ride home would be awkward. He spent a few moments, thinking of anything he could talk about to fill the potential silence. However, after the two changed into some extra clothes Doyoung had in his trunk, Taeyong knocked himself out. The two hours back to Seoul consisted of Taeyong's head bumping against the window as drool ran down the corner of his mouth.</p><p>          Upon arrival, Doyoung gently nudges Taeyong's shoulders. Taeyong wakes up slowly, obviously very disgruntled and out of it. "Thanks," he murmurs and leaves the car, trudging home.</p><p>          Doyoung shakes his head, watching Taeyong waddle sleepily to his door. He drives away after he sees Taeyong go inside.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>Taeyong can barely keep his eyes open. They flutter sleepily as he opens the door to his home. He is about to step in when suddenly, he bumps into someone.</p><p>          "Oh! Taeyong!" Seulmin exclaims softly. She covers her face with the sleeve of her sweater. "Sorry, I was just leaving. Bye." She scurries away before Taeyong can even speak. The situation wakes him up, just the smallest bit.</p><p>          Taeyong walks in and finds Sungyeol in the living room. His hair is incredibly disheveled and all over the place. "She was here until 2:00 A.M.? Seriously?" Taeyong asks yawning a bit as he does.</p><p>          Sungyeol grins widely. "We just had hot, wild <em>sex</em>—"</p><p>          Taeyong's eyes widen so much it hurts. "Okay okay, you really did <em>not </em>need to tell me that." He shakes his head, telling himself that he will never go to Sungyeol's room again until he washes his sheets. He is about to go to his room, ready to go back to sleep, before a worrisome thought runs across his mind. "<em>Where</em>?"</p><p>          The grin on Sungyeol's face widens even more than what Taeyong had thought was possible. He runs a hand through the mess of his hair and begins to say, "Everywhe—"</p><p>          "God, you're disgusting!" Taeyong whines loudly. "Move out!"</p><p>          Sungyeol cackles loudly as Taeyong trudges to his room. "I'm just kidding!"</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>When Doyoung enters his home, the lights are all turned off. He flickers the switch on as he takes off his shoes. He is about to sit down at the living room when he lets out a horrid yelp, nearly falling down as he does so.</p><p>          Jiyeon sits expectantly on the couch, her arms hugging a pillow. She smiles eerily at Doyoung. "You've been out a long time," she says slowly.</p><p>          Doyoung lets out an exhale as his heartbeat slows down. Any bit of tiredness he previously had dissipated as soon as Jiyeon scared him. "Why are you sitting in the dark?" he asks, sitting down next to her.</p><p>          "Answer my question first," Jiyeon replies smoothly, turning her body towards Doyoung to face him. "Tell me everything." Like bubbles from champagne, everything rises out of Doyoung, and he finds himself telling Jiyeon every single detail. The end of the story only results in one reply from Jiyeon: "He is absolutely insane."</p><p>          A quick nod arises out of Doyoung as he shoots up his eyebrows. "That's what I thought too! He was acting so weird, I didn't even know what I was supposed to do."</p><p>          "Well? So are you guys like boyfriends now or something?" Jiyeon asks, smiling expectantly.</p><p>          The question makes Doyoung's cheeks tinge pink. "I don't know. Maybe." He shakes his head. "I still have no idea what happened."</p><p>          Jiyeon pats Doyoung's shoulders. "You really <em>do </em>always take my advice to heart. Not only did you make him regret rejecting you within a week, but you also snagged a boyfriend. No wonder you're so successful at everything."</p><p>          Doyoung chuckles softly. "It's not like that. Anyways, how have things been on your end?"</p><p>          Jiyeon's eyes gleam widely, full of hope and excitement. She smiles as she leans forward enthusiastically. "Oh, Doyoung, I found the most amazing building," she says animatedly. "It used to be a ceramics shop, but they're leasing the property, and it includes an apartment above it. After paying off my tuition, I'll have just enough to pay the down payment and prepare everything." She clasps her hands together and sighs in content. "I want to open a cafe. And when I'm all done, I'm going to ask Byeol to marry me."</p><p>          Doyoung blinks after taking in the information before smiling back. There was already the soft feeling of joy in his chest from his travel with Taeyong. Upon hearing about the success his own friend stumbled upon, his chest almost bursts from swelling with delight. "That's amazing. I'm so happy for you, Jiyeon."</p><p>          "Thank you for everything. I'm happy for <em>you</em>. Things really worked out for us, huh?"</p><p>         They really did.</p><p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p><p>The morning is soft and bright, and the sky reminds Doyoung of cotton candy. As he gets dressed for work, he thinks back to the very beginning. He thinks of his tired, lifeless days where his only company was a lonely glass of wine. He thinks of Taeyong bursting in, interrupting his days of routine with chaos and activity. He thinks of how he's taken slow and steady strides, embedding a print into each stepping stone of life.</p><p>          And now, he looks back and realizes that's he's crossed oceans.</p><p>          Before heading out the door, Doyoung's phone rings.</p><p>        </p><p>          Of course, it is also important to remember where your entire journey started.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Twenty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heiran humming to herself is both a familiar yet nostalgic sight. Her fingers tap the pine table anxiously as she waits. Hair as black as midnight cascades down to her waist. It's always been like that, all the way from high school and even now. Doyoung smiles when he sees his old friend, now understanding how kind and thoughtful she is for having ever given him a chance.</p>
<p>          When Doyoung sits down across from her, Heiran immediately breaks out into a grin. "Doyucky," she says in casual greeting. "I've missed you."</p>
<p>          "You're busy. It's not like it's easy for us to meet nowadays." Doyoung casts his eyes down to his lap, feeling slightly bittersweet. No matter how long they've known each other, it does not change the fact that they've grown apart by the slightest bit. Time can either let a relationship flourish or fade away depending on how one uses it. And now that it's come to this, Doyoung wishes he invested a bit more towards staying connected with Heiran.</p>
<p>          "Well, let's make the most of when we do!" Heiran slips her hand into her lavender purse and pulls out a small card. She slides it on the table towards Doyoung who leans in to take a better look.</p>
<p>          Upon a closer glance, Doyoung sees that it is not a card but an old Polaroid photo. "I can't believe you have this," Doyoung says. He looks up at Heiran in amused delight. "I really disliked you at that time."</p>
<p>          Heiran also looks at the photo fondly. A teenage Heiran, tiptoeing to reach Doyoung's height, beams widely at the camera. Besides her is nineteen-year-old Doyoung, scowling with his eyes closed, leaning against a high school classroom cubby. "I could tell. You would always glare at me every time I tried to talk to you at SNU. But eventually, it worked out!"</p>
<p>          "Yeah, it did," Doyoung replies softly. "How did you even find this?"</p>
<p>          "I was packing up some stuff—" Heiran suddenly stops, her eyes going wide when she realizes what she's exposed. She bites her lip anxiously and begins tapping the table again.</p>
<p>          Doyoung's forehead wrinkles as he frowns in confusion. "Packing up? For what?"</p>
<p>          A small sigh escapes Heiran's lips. She laces her fingers together and looks at her friend apologetically. "Sorry for not telling you earlier. Taekwoon and I are moving abroad after the wedding and our studies."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He opens his mouth, not quite sure what to say at first. He finally speaks, slowly saying, "Why didn't you tell me before?"</p>
<p>          "I don't even know," Heiran admits. "I was worried. You might have been lonely, and you'd just close yourself away from me. That's the last thing I wanted." She stares at her lap, continuing to bite her lips and fidget with her fingers. She looks like she might even nearly cry, making Doyoung feel a bit guilty for having fretted his friend for so long.</p>
<p>          "It's okay," Doyoung says, his voice gentle and warm. "I'm sorry you were worried." He sighs and leans back in his chair. "I think you're right though. I would have been upset."</p>
<p>          Heiran looks up, her dark eyes slightly teary. "I think you're really different now, though. You seem so much milder. So I'm not worried anymore." She tries to smile. "Gosh, I'm going to miss you so much."</p>
<p>          "I'll use my racked up business flight points to visit you often. So don't even think about it." Doyoung grins widely, hoping it will comfort Heiran. But the gentle action seems to trouble her even more since she begins to cry.</p>
<p>          "Doyuckyuck!" she wails out. "I'm going to miss you!"</p>
<p>          Doyoung slides a napkin towards Heiran and laughs. "We're twenty-six. Isn't it about time you stop calling me that?"</p>
<p>          "You're going to be my Doyucky until the day I die," Heiran sniffles appreciatively as she wipes her snot and tears. "But you're going to be just fine. I'm so happy about that. It's like sending your son off to college and knowing he'll be okay on his own." She continues to cry for a few moments more while Doyoung watches her. His stomach feels a bit strange. It's a lonely and sad feeling, a feeling incredibly strong even though it makes him feel empty. He knows very well that he will miss Heiran a lot too. But his chest is warm. It's a warmth that comforts him, tries to fill in the emptiness in his stomach, and reminds him that no matter how far away Heiran goes, they will remain friends.</p>
<p>          "There's still a few months. Don't cry over it now, alright?"</p>
<p>          "You say that like I'm supposed to cry over it later."</p>
<p>          "You're not supposed to. But you probably will." </p>
<p>          Heiran glares at Doyoung with her tearful eyes as he softly smiles back.</p>
<p>          He doesn't tell her that he feels like he might cry too.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Wait, so you're dating that man-child now?" Heiran asks, nearly spitting out her caramel latte. She tilts her head in confusion and stares at Doyoung in question.</p>
<p>          "I don't know," Doyoung says. "Maybe. I think so." He doesn't know why people keep asking him that, but the question always fills him with both embarrassment and joy. He would have never thought he'd become friends with Taeyong, much less have reciprocated feelings for him. It almost feels too good to be true.</p>
<p>          Heiran giggles a bit at his response. "You two fit surprisingly well together. You mellow each other out." She traces the rim of her glass with a manicured finger. "This is crazy. I remember you had a girlfriend for like a week in first-year."</p>
<p>          Talking about any relationship from before his high school graduation makes Doyoung want to scream. How absolutely humiliating. "No, I didn't," he replies with a strained smile. "You're probably confusing me with someone else."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's discomfort makes Heiran laugh in delight. "I remember! She was this clingy, psychotic third year. It always seemed like she was holding you hostage."</p>
<p>          "Who's talking?" Doyoung says in retaliation. His eyebrows furrow together as he tries to recall an event that he could use to counter Heiran. "Well, in our second year at SNU, before you met Taekwoon, you dated that Computer Science major who told everyone you had a flat behind without you knowing!" After speaking, he grins. He's won.</p>
<p>          On the contrary, Heiran's smile drops, and she glares at Doyoung. "Why do you remember that? Erase. Erase!" She tries to flick Doyoungs forehead.</p>
<p>          Doyoung puts up his palm, blocking Heiran's attack at the last moment. "So we both agree none of it ever happened?"</p>
<p>          Heiran slumps in her seat in defeat. "Fine." She takes a sip of her drink before saying, "I don't think my ass is <em>that </em>flat though."</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>The whole time Doyoung walks back to the company building after lunch, he smiles to himself, his eyes cast down at his feet. The immense amount of satisfaction overflows from his chest and into his stomach, filling him up to the brim. Upon arriving, he swipes his personal key card in the elevator to reach his office. He is still smiling, almost chuckling in delight, when he finally looks up and sees a large being sitting at his chair.</p>
<p>          He lets out a loud yelp and nearly falls over. The stuffed polar bear toy stares condescendingly at Doyoung. Doyoung grabs his chest and lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes what it is. He glares at the animal. "That's my seat. And my nameplate you're sitting behind," he says approaching the chair. He grabs the toy by its snout; it hangs helplessly in his hand. "Who are you?" Doyoung asks as if he will get an answer.</p>
<p>          The answer lies on a piece of paper left on Doyoung's desk. Doyoung picks it up and quickly scans it with his eyes.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          The absurdity of the question and possible responses makes Doyoung nearly choke. He covers his mouth, trying to hold back laughter but finds it impossible as he soon begins giggling like a fool with only his polar bear friend watching.</p>
<p>          He finds a pen and marks his answer before sticking it in his suit pocket with the Polaroid photo Heiran had given him.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung had been so distracted that he decided to just leave work early. To him, there was no use in staying if he wasn't using his time efficiently. He put on his suit jacket and left the building, the afternoon sun gloriously shining upon him.</p>
<p>          He is so happy he can't quite believe it himself. Like buying ice cream on a hot summer day or making the perfect snowball during the winter solstice, everything feels perfect. A wide grin paints his face, and he feels so ecstatic, he could even dance.</p>
<p>          So he does so. Just a little bit. He squeezes his eyes together and throws his arms up before rushing over to the SBS building.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It's not quite often that Doyoung feels anxious. But as he waits outside the SBS building, his heart races so fast and loudly, he can feel it in his ears. He taps his foot against the ground, wanting only to see Taeyong as soon as possible. When he spots a man with chocolate hair and glasses running towards him at lightning speed, Doyoung's foot freezes, and he smiles.</p>
<p>          "What are you doing here? Is it okay for you to leave work?" Taeyong asks, leaning over as he tries to catch his breath.</p>
<p>          "I'm a privileged corporate heir. I could do whatever I want, technically." Doyoung looks at Taeyong who seems like he might collapse any second. "What about you?"</p>
<p>          "Most of my work is in the morning." Taeyong straightens up after a bit, and the sight is a slight shock to Doyoung. He's only ever seen Taeyong with his floppy mop of hair and casual wear, often a sauce stain accessorizing his clothes. But the Tayeong in front of him has neat hair, combed back, and a clean pressed suit. He looks more mature, and quite handsome too. "So, what are you here for?" However, Taeyong's wide smile that seems to never leave his face is the exact same.</p>
<p>          Doyoung slides his hand into his suit pocket and pulls out the paper. He hands it to Taeyong, who looks at it eagerly. "That's my answer," Doyoung says casually.</p>
<p>          "Man, you are a genius!" Taeyong exclaims happily. "Checking all three of them? If this was a test, you would have gotten a 100! No wonder you're so smart." Taeyong stuffs the note in his pocket. "Oh, and where's Kong?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Kong?"</p>
<p>          "Your friend! I thought it looked like you. Well, how you used to. Very frowny."</p>
<p>          "Working for me." Doyoung shakes his head. "It really scared me, you know."</p>
<p>          "That's your brother, don't say mean things!" Taeyong laughs and holds out his hand. "Anyways, I can take a short break, without them noticing. Hopefully. Want to get some coffee, <em>boyfriend</em>?" Doyoung groans in embarrassment, but he can't hold back the smile on his face. He reluctantly holds Taeyong's hand. As soon as Taeyong grabs ahold, he tightens his grip. "You're not going anywhere!"</p>
<p>          The two set off.</p>
<p>          Back in Doyoung's office, Assistant Kang screams and falls over at the surprising sight of Director Kong at his desk.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung arrives home feeling giddy. It's as if he's dissociated from himself; he is no longer the same person. Someone else has taken over his body and wreaked chaotic havoc on his life. He goes into his room, deciding to finish up some of the work he had abandoned before. It is difficult for him to focus; he works diligently for ten minutes before his mind slips off elsewhere, and then he has to start over again.</p>
<p>          The sky is dark outside when he hears Jiyeon come through the front door. He checks the time; it is exactly eight. He puts away his work on his desk and finds Jiyeon in the kitchen. "Where were you?" he asks while getting himself a glass of water.</p>
<p>          "Wrapping things up." Jiyeon shrugs nonchalantly. "You know, the whole abandoning my family thing." Her nose wrinkles in disgust, but Doyoung doesn't fail to notice her lip quivering as if she might cry any moment. </p>
<p>          "Are things okay?" Doyoung asks cautiously, walking over to stand beside her.</p>
<p>          "Yes and no." Jiyeon sighs and stares at her feet. "They literally don't care about me at all. They're more worried about the company and project than me actually leaving. It's so frustrating. I'm glad I left, but just thinking about it makes me want to scream." She shakes her head and grabs Doyoung's unfinished water, chugging it down in only a few seconds. She sets the glass down and wipes her mouth with her sleeve. "Anyways, I'm hungry. You're on dinner duty today, in case you forgot."</p>
<p>          Doyoung <em>did </em>forget. He scratches his neck sheepishly. "I'll order something."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon narrows her eyes at Doyoung. "You met Taeyong."</p>
<p>          It is a stone-cold statement, not a question. "What gave it away?" Doyoung asks, trying to avoid Jiyeon's eyes.</p>
<p>          "I don't know, maybe the whole 'stupid-in-love' aura that you're literally suffocating in?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung pauses. He's about to retaliate, but then he thinks of Jiyeon. Jiyeon is smart and cool-headed. Except when it came to her girlfriend. He groans at the realization that he, too, must look like an idiot in love. He shakes his head, trying to ignore reality, and goes on his phone to order food. Jiyeon scrolls through her own phone, waiting for Doyoung to finish.</p>
<p>          As Doyoung wraps up the order, Jiyeon suddenly bursts out laughing. She doubles over, clutching her stomach. Doyoung even hears a few snorts. "What? What is it?" he asks curiously. But he can't also help but feel extremely cautious. It's like there is a heavyweight in his stomach.</p>
<p>           "Doyoung! You—" Jiyeon is interrupted by her own laughter.</p>
<p>          "You pig! Tell me!" Doyoung demands urgently. He has a very bad feeling about this. He knows too well that Jiyeon is a little demon that feeds off his own misery. "Stop snorting! What is it?"</p>
<p>          "You're trending on Twitter!" Jiyeon manages out through gasps. She tosses Doyoung her phone as she rolls over on the sofa, holding her stomach. "Oh my God. It hurts. My stomach hurts so much," she wheezes as Doyoung looks at her Twitter feed.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          Doyoung's entire neck flushes red. "I can't believe this."</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>          "Why are there so many likes? What the hell?" Doyoung wants to cry. He wants to sob. Most importantly, he wants to kill Taeyong first for turning him into a fool and then die himself.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          "What is this?" Doyoung asks, showing the screen to Jiyeon.</p>
<p>          The tweet makes Jiyeon laugh even harder. "That's your <em>fan account</em>."</p>
<p>          Doyoung opens the profile, feeling a combination of embarrassment and confusion.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          "Is this Taeyong or something?" he murmurs under his breath. He snaps his head to Jiyeon. "And why are you liking everything? And following the account?"</p>
<p>          "Because I'm your <em>fan</em>." Jiyeon wipes away a tear and giggles a bit more. "Gosh. I needed that."</p>
<p>          "I didn't," Doyoung mutters as he throws the phone back to Jiyeon. He collapses onto the sofa and sinks into it, covering his face with his hands. He doesn't even know what to do. The paparazzi and reporters have been following him around for ages, but nothing has ever made Doyoung go insane the way a probably-teenager has with one Twitter post. He wants to grab his hair and tear it out or kick his feet, but he knows nothing will change the situation.</p>
<p>         "Oh, come on Doyoung, it's not too big of a deal. They just think you're cute, that's all." Jiyeon smiles gently, but Doyoung glares back. Acting nice now won't make a difference after she laughed at him like that.</p>
<p>          "When are you moving out?" he asks exasperatedly.</p>
<p>          "In three months." Jiyeon smiles widely. "Maybe I should get my own furniture for the guest room? Make it match my personal tastes?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung stands up silently and goes to his room. He collapses on his bed and closes his eyes shut.</p>
<p>          If he had known things would be this chaotic, would he have ever gone down this path?</p>
<p>          He screams into his pillow and then sighs.</p>
<p>          Doyoung thinks he would have. After all, things are a bit more fun now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Twenty One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few weeks consist of Doyoung arriving to work at the crack of dawn and leaving before anyone sees him. His trending on social media was a wake-up call to Doyoung: a reminder that he should think before he acts and be more aware of his surroundings.</p>
<p>          The situation dies down much earlier than Doyoung thinks. However, the person who always remembers humiliation the most is yourself. This is true for Doyoung as well; he continues to hide from the employees at Skyline even when they do not care, nor remember, about his viral incident.</p>
<p>          When his father asks to meet with him, Doyoung wants to dig into a hole and die. He's been doing a wonderful job of erasing his existence. Why does he need to ruin all that hard work now? He hesitantly leaves his office and trudges to the elevator. However, none of the employees bother as much to even look at him. The realization makes him feel both slightly embarrassed for considering it as big a deal as he did but also relieved that he wouldn't have to come to work so early now. But as he swipes his key card to access the CEO's office floor, a new type of apprehension fills his gut. Doyoung hides his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from fiddling with his fingers. His father has a way of making him feel absolute dread, an exhausting and mind-numbing dread, that makes Doyoung wish he could quit his position as the son of Skyline's CEO and run away.</p>
<p>          The elevators open, large and wide, but Doyoung's chest feels small and compressed. He slowly walks towards the office. He takes a deep breath before lightly knocking on the door and entering the room.</p>
<p>          Kim Duho sits at his desk, flipping through files, and does not look up when his only family enters.</p>
<p>          "Dad," Doyoung says hesitantly. "What is it?"</p>
<p>          "Sit down," his father says, closing the file. As Doyoung sits across from him, his father watches him with a careful eye. He doesn't necessarily seem disappointed, but he doesn't seem pleased either. The neutrality on his face is scarier than anything else. Doyoung would much rather know what his father is thinking than constantly try to guess himself. "You seem excited recently. Everyone knows."</p>
<p>          Doyoung feels his face go hot. Apparently, <em>everyone </em>forgot but his very own father. For some reason, this makes Doyoung feel angry. His chest tightens in frustration. His father never cares to keep up with his life. So why did he bother to remember something everyone else has moved on about? "It's my personal life. It has nothing to do with you," Doyoung says sharply.</p>
<p>          A tired sigh escapes his father's mouth. "<em>I know. </em>I truly don't care about what you do in your free time. I dropped the loyalty contract thing, yet it seems like you've been getting along with Jiyeon just fine." His words don't seem like they have the intention of attacking Doyoung. Rather, they are just informative and accurate.</p>
<p>          But the honesty fills Doyoung with an uncontainable amount of bitterness. He knows very well that his father does not care about him the way a parent should. But to say it out loud with his own mouth? To admit it himself? It stings Doyoung that his father can't even pretend to care. "She's just a friend," he lets out through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>          "Five years," Duho says pointedly. "I'll leave this position then."</p>
<p>          Like plucking petals off a flower or throwing a stone into an undisrupted pond, Doyoung nearly falls apart. He almost lets out the years of hurt and rage he's been storing at the pit of his stomach. It almost overflows, and he knows he won't be able to take any of it back.</p>
<p>
  <em>          I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it.</em>
</p>
<p>          But Doyoung says something else instead. "You know, I visited mom recently." There is no reply from his father, so he continues. "You ruined everything. You ruined my relationship with my <em>mom</em>. You don't even care about her, but you made her leave <em>me </em>too." His voice is surprisingly strong, but in the sense that each word comes out managing to hold its extreme weight.</p>
<p>          "Don't say things you don't know about," Duho quietly says.</p>
<p>          "Then explain it so I understand!" Doyoung exclaims. "Because all I get is that mom couldn't take it anymore to the point that she didn't even want to be near you. And you didn't care enough to stop her." He clenches his hands into fists, his fingernails pressing into his palms.</p>
<p>          "I <em>love </em>her, Doyoung," Duho snaps. His voice is defeated and tired yet angry. "I knew better than anyone that she needed to get away. Even though I wanted her by my side always, I couldn't give her enough attention. For someone independent like her, it wasn't right. I won't hold her back from her happiness."</p>
<p>          The response nearly makes Doyoung laugh. He hates it. The idea that his father might have cared about anyone at all makes Doyoung's chest fill with an immense feeling of hatred. He takes a deep breath, but that anxious, flittering mass of hurt never seems to dissipate from his body. "Why was I even born?" Doyoung finally breathes out. He is tired of talking to his father. It drains away every bit of strength from him, making him feel like a helpless child. "Because it doesn't feel like you ever wanted a son. Just an heir."</p>
<p>          The words make the corners of Duho's mouth quiver, just a little, as if even a drop of emotion threatens to leak out. But he holds it in like he always has. "I have work to do."</p>
<p>          "Fine," Doyoung seethes out. He stands up from the chair and turns his back towards his father without saying another word.</p>
<p>          As Doyoung's hand grabs the door, Duho's voice interrupts him. "Thank you for taking care of your mother."</p>
<p>          Doyoung does not say anything and walks out the door.</p>
<p>          But as he leaves, a small doubt enters his mind. The doubt that five years in the future, he won't be able to take care of all the people he loves.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Seeing Taeyong's face is like applying ice on a burn. Relief and comfort wash over Doyoung when he picks Taeyong up after work. At first, they had been meeting up nearly every day, getting dinner after work, since the incident at the beach. It was quite difficult for Doyoung to get used to his abundance of happiness. Everything would leak out, and he wouldn't be able to contain even a single drop. However, after having done it so often, being with Taeyong nowadays is a comfortable feeling that's been ingrained into his schedule. He's gotten used to that energetic, brand new feeling of loving someone, and it's now been replaced with a gentle and warm ease. This results in them meeting up a little less as time goes on, but, to Doyoung, the immense satisfaction is all the same.</p>
<p>          Doyoung doesn't think he could ask for anything better. And even today, when it had nearly felt like everything would fall apart, Taeyong comes in and puts back together all the pieces. He gets into the passenger seat and smiles at Doyoung. "It's June," Taeyong says as he straps in his seatbelt.</p>
<p>          "Then it will only get warmer." Doyoung begins to drive towards nowhere as Taeyong takes out his phone to guide him to the location of the day. It's been like this every time, and Doyoung has figured out that whenever it's Friday, the distance to their location seems to grow considerably large.</p>
<p>          Taeyong plugs in his phone to the charger and grabs Doyoung's. "My phone is dead. I'll use yours." He sets in the location, and Doyoung begins to drive. "I'll play some music. Hmm, let's see what Mr. Robot CEO listens to. The sounds of babies crying? Machinery sounds? 'Du bist die Ruh?'" Taeyong scrolls through, and his eyes widen in surprise. "'Bandi &amp; Luni's?' Is this because you like to read or something?" </p>
<p>          Doyoung shakes his head at Taeyong's absurdity.</p>
<p>          The gentle and groovy vibe of the music envelopes them comfortably as they drive into the Seoul night.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong's choice for today, to Doyoung's relief, is just a regular dinner date. They eat together and talk, although it is mostly Taeyong talking and Doyoung listening. They finish eating and then choose to walk around for a bit, breathing in the nighttime atmosphere.</p>
<p>          It is mostly quiet, but there is a lot of hand-holding. Doyoung feels warm all over, like sunshine after long, rainy days. He breathes out, glad to be able to let out all his frustrations from earlier.</p>
<p>          However, Doyoung is oblivious to the thoughts running through Taeyong's mind. While Doyoung is perfectly content with their current relationship, Taeyong grows more and more frustrated with the silence. They've been dating for a month now, yet to Taeyong, it feels like almost nothing has changed. If anything, it seems like Doyoung wants to meet less and less, choosing to focus on work instead.</p>
<p>          Taeyong slowly fills with worry over time. He can't help but overreact; it's in his nature. He wonders if Doyoung is getting tired of him and is almost too scared to ask, knowing how honest Doyoung is.</p>
<p>          "Y'know, this is kind of similar as before," Taeyong decides to sigh out.</p>
<p>          Doyoung looks at Taeyong and smiles gently. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>          "You, being a workaholic." Taeyong shrugs, feeling a bit defensive even though Doyoung has not said anything yet. "It feels like you have less and less time for me."</p>
<p>          Doyoung frowns at the statement. "I wouldn't agree with that. I think it's different for me now. I'm happier, and I've made new friends. And we're <em>together </em>now."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's honest retaliation makes Taeyong feel frustrated for some reason. He thinks Doyoung is right; from his perspective, this must be a whole new world. But for Taeyong, it's been slow and tedious. He thinks he might be childish for thinking this way, but his irritation washes over him, and he doesn't find it in himself to admit that Doyoung might be right. "Well, you still work a lot. That could be different," Taeyong murmurs.</p>
<p>          It surprises and hurts Taeyong when Doyoung pulls his hand away. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but work is my responsibility. It's not easy, alright? It's a burden that I have to carry."</p>
<p>          The maturity from Doyoung annoys Taeyong even more. It's always been like this, Doyoung being cool and calm-headed while Taeyong is childish. He's realized it might make him seem whiny, yet Taeyong can't help but stay true to his feelings. "I just want us to spend more time together," he says with a pout. His emotions feel so concrete to him; he knows that this is building up to something that he can't take back. Yet Taeyong absolutely refuses to back down.</p>
<p>          "I'm doing my best, Taeyong," Doyoung sighs out, rubbing his forehead. </p>
<p>          "You don't even like it," Taeyong blurts out. "You don't even like working. So what's the point?" </p>
<p>          The conversation with his father flows into Doyoung's mind. It irritates him, and he just wants to throw everything away. "What more do you want from me?" Doyoung asks tiredly. Everything feels slightly out of place, like a glass on the edge of a table, moments from falling. </p>
<p>          The question angers Taeyong. He also doesn't like the idea of fighting with Doyoung. He knows better than anyone how Doyoung's changed, and it isn't easy to push someone out of their comfort zone. But it's harder to hold back a crashing waterfall than letting it flow. "Well, it's not like you do much, to begin with," Taeyong mumbles, looking away from Doyoung.</p>
<p>          This makes Doyoung go silent. He's tired of the conversation, and it doesn't seem like either of them will stop. "I'll drop you off home," he says coldly.</p>
<p>          After that, the two don't talk.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It is hard for both Doyoung and Taeyong to contact the other first. Truthfully speaking, both of them felt incredibly terrible about the situation only moments after it happened. But pride has a way of holding one back from admitting their faults. Their hubris prevents them from saying a single word to each other, and their dates come to a pause for the moment being.</p>
<p>          "Why are you coming home earlier now?" Jiyeon asks as a sulky Doyoung enters his loft. "You used to go out all the time."</p>
<p>          Doyoung flops on the sofa, loosening his tie and leaning his head back. "Since Taeyong thinks I'm such a workaholic, I might as well go along with that and just focus on work," he grumbles.</p>
<p>          A brilliant, all-knowing smirk paints Jiyeon's face. "Awhh, did you guys have a fight?" She laughs elegantly and walks over to Doyoung to sit down next to him. She twirls a lock of hair around her finger as she turns her body towards her friend, already preparing herself for his angry rant.</p>
<p>          And so, Doyoung begins. Vexations and irritations escape Doyoung's mouth like water flowing out a dam. "And that's what happened," he finishes with a grouch.</p>
<p>         Jiyeon nods sympathetically. "I'm on your side. He's so bratty. Why is he forcing you to do more than what you're comfortable with?" she says, her voice absolutely reassuring. "I mean, he's dating you for <em>you</em>. He should know better than to have expectations that are out of character for you."</p>
<p>          Doyoung smiles, glad to hear the affirmation from someone as knowledgable as Jiyeon. But her words also flash through his mind. Uncomfortable? Is it because he's uncomfortable? Or is it because he just hasn't thought about it? Doyoung shakes his head of any doubts. </p>
<p>    <em>      I'm in the right, </em>he tells himself.</p>
<p>          So he moves on, deciding to hold his silence.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>A few ways from Doyoung's home, Taeyong and Sungyeol engage in a similar conversation.</p>
<p>          "What an idiot!" Sungyeol exclaims after hearing Taeyong whine. "What a loser! What type of dumb-dumb chooses work over you?" He throws his hands up animatedly, making both himself and Taeyong excited.</p>
<p>          Taeyong jumps up from his seat on the couch and nods enthusiastically. "Right? That's what I thought too! He could at least try to give me some more attention."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol shakes his head. "He's stupid, that's all."</p>
<p>          The two continue to exchange this same conversation, over and over again, their rants and insults only fueling their energy. They hop around the living room, like frogs at a pond.</p>
<p>          But at the very back of Taeyong's mind, he can't help but wonder if he's being too pushy. Maybe, it's unfair of himself to ask so much from Doyoung who initially had such a difficult time just making friends.</p>
<p>    <em>      But Doyoung is different now,</em> Taeyong thinks. <em>So I'm not being unfair. I'm right.</em></p>
<p>          So he moves on, deciding to hold his silence.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Another week passes, and there is still no contact. Pride only lasts so long before it fades away, leaving the leftover feelings of worry and apprehension. Although they do not know it, Doyoung and Taeyong currently feel the same. They feel embarrassed about letting their self-esteem replace their rationale.</p>
<p><em>          He's probably still mad at me</em>, they both think. <em>That's why he hasn't called me yet.</em></p>
<p>          A large ego and overthinking alike bring about miscommunication, the type that if not cleared out, grows to become a wedge in a relationship.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It doesn't take long for Taeyong to feel irritated again. He bites his lip in frustration, just thinking about Doyoung. His eyebrows knit together without him even realizing. The anchor next to him has to tell him that they will be live soon, so maybe he shouldn't look so angry.</p>
<p>          "Oh, sorry," Taeyong murmurs. </p>
<p>          Taeyong isn't quite sure who he's mad at, at this point. Maybe he's mad at Doyoung. Maybe he's mad at himself. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes how close the answer is. He starts feeling incredibly upset with himself, hating himself for being the way he is.</p>
<p>          It's his own inferiority. He hates how compared to Doyoung, he's immature and clingy. Doyoung is sophisticated and calm. Taeyong is not. Doyoung is intelligent and clever. Taeyong <em>wishes </em>he were, but he's not.</p>
<p>          His own mediocrity washes over him and makes him forget that Doyoung was the one who loved him first.</p>
<p>
  <b>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</b>
</p>
<p>Doyoung's days at work are dreary and boring. He often finds himself glancing at a certain polar bear. It sits in front of him each day, at the seat across his desk. Director Kong seems to always be frowning at him as if he is saying, "You silly goose. If you want something, then go for it. Life is only so long. Do what comes to mind rather than just thinking about it."</p>
<p>          "Are you related to Jeong Jiyeon?" Doyoung murmurs, staring at the bear. But the advice is not from Jiyeon; it's from his own imagination so, in a sense, it's Doyoung's very own advice that he can't seem to follow.</p>
<p>          Doyoung closes his laptop and rests his chin in his hand, his elbow balancing on his desk. He decides to close his eyes and think for a little bit.</p>
<p>          He misses Taeyong. He <em>thinks </em>he does. Although he is a bit tired of Taeyong's juvenile antics, he can't find it in himself to dislike it. It's Taeyong's energetic, youthful ways that had made Doyoung fall in love with him. Doyoung thinks it would be immature of him to only accept the parts of Taeyong he likes. Committing to a relationship means accepting every part, the good and the bad. </p>
<p>          If Doyoung can't even get through the bad, then he won't be able to do anything else.</p>
<p>          So he grabs his phone and texts the person who has been on his mind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Twenty Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reading Doyoung's text overwhelms Taeyong with guilt, all the way from head to toe. It's shameful, knowing that you're not the one who decided to be the bigger person. His heart hammers against his chest, and his stomach feels unsettled, like hanging onto a branch that won't stop shaking.</p>
<p>          Taeyong licks his lips as he cleans up his desk. His mouth and throat feel dry, and he can't shake off the feeling of disappointment in himself. It hangs onto his shoulders and weighs him down. He had been the one to start arguing with Doyoung, and once again, being the sensible, level-headed person he is, Doyoung has to clean it all up.</p>
<p>          Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Taeyong smacks his cheeks a good few times. He promises that he'll apologize first. There's no way that he'll allow Doyoung to take the blame for his pettiness.</p>
<p>          When Taeyong leaves for work, he is nearly running out of the building to the Han River.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It begins to rain, just a little bit. Sprinkles of water begin to lightly fall on Taeyong, dancing around him as if they urge him to walk faster. Each step feels lighter than the one before it until, suddenly, Taeyong sees Doyoung in the distance, and he can't move.</p>
<p>          Doyoung's profile seems so clean and handsome, even from afar. He stands with a hand in his pocket, his other hand holding an umbrella. He looks at his shoes as they tap the small puddles appearing from the rain getting slightly heavier.</p>
<p>          It's a scene straight out from a movie, but all Taeyong can think is, <em>Man. He got an umbrella. He really </em>is <em>smart.</em></p>
<p>          Seeing Doyoung makes Taeyong's heart swell. He remembers how much he likes Doyoung, and from his memory, it's a lot. He can't help himself from suddenly running towards him, like a puppy towards its owner. </p>
<p>          And then, he's home.</p>
<p>         Taeyong nearly crashes, but he grabs Doyoung's arms when he reaches him under the umbrella. "Doyoung! I'm so sorry!" he screams at a wide-eyed Doyoung. "I'm sorry I was such a brat! I'm sorry for being pushy! I'm sorry that I was so needy when you were just being responsible! I'm sorry—"</p>
<p>          "Hold on," Doyoung struggles out. "Wait, calm down."</p>
<p>          Taeyong lets go of Doyoung and backs away a mere step. It's just enough that both of them are still under the umbrella. He looks at Doyoung and once again finds the view much too pleasing. There's something about the atmosphere: the rain and the city lights shining down on the face of the person you love. "I really mean it. I'm sorry I didn't think of your side," Taeyong mumbles out.</p>
<p>          A small smile appears on Doyoung's face as if he's both relieved and amused. "Thank you, Taeyong. I'm sorry too, for not thinking of <em>your </em>side. I haven't been the most attentive boyfriend."</p>
<p>          The last word makes Taeyong gulp. He's shocked that it's so easy. Being with Doyoung is <em>too </em>easy. To be forgiven so quickly seems unreal, yet when two people match so harmoniously, ease is only to be expected.</p>
<p>          "No, you've been the best," Taeyong manages to say. He can feel his heart beginning to beat very fast.</p>
<p>          Doyoung looks at Taeyong for a few moments, as if carefully observing his face. He finally speaks when he says, "It's going to rain harder. Let's go somewhere else." He gently takes ahold of Taeyong's hand, and they walk together in a sort of musical silence. The rain gradually becomes heavier as the pair reach a sidewalk next to the main road.</p>
<p>         It is thunderously loud by the time they spot a bus stop, and they run to it since the umbrella can no longer save their shoulders from being soaked. They graciously sit down as Doyoung closes up the umbrella. </p>
<p>          The summer rain is both cooling yet warm. The advertisements located next to the bus stop bench makes Doyoung's face glow. The ambiance is incredibly informal, but Taeyong believes that his apologies are still not enough.</p>
<p>          "Am I annoying?" Taeyong slowly asks, not taking his eyes off Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "Yes."</p>
<p>          "Oh. Sorry."</p>
<p>          Doyoung seems to be smiling to himself as he watches the rain. The corners of his mouth are lifted in a manner that makes Taeyong think that Doyoung's mouth is really pretty. Taeyong decides that Doyoung looks quite elegant and neat today, and he's somewhat entranced despite having seen Doyoung's face so many times.</p>
<p>          Taeyong decides to rephrase his question. "Do you like me?"</p>
<p>          "Yes."</p>
<p>          "Oh! Thanks." Taeyong nearly slaps himself. The pit of his stomach bubbles in embarrassment. Doyoung does not notice as he contently keeps his eyes on the rain. "I like you," Taeyong blurts out. "A lot. So much. Like crazy."</p>
<p>          Doyoung turns to look at Taeyong and smiles a bit more widely. "I'm glad," he says slowly, not sure how else to reply.</p>
<p>          "Can I kiss you?" The words escape Taeyong's mouth much faster than he thinks. His entire neck feels warm.</p>
<p>          The gentle laugh that escapes Doyoung's mouth cannot be held back. "Yes," Doyoung says, feeling immensely warm all over. </p>
<p>          Taeyong isn't quite sure what to do. <em>He's </em>the one that asked. But now, he feels confused. He quickly leans forward and gives Doyoung a small peck on his mouth before leaning right back within seconds. "Oh my God," Taeyong whines. "What was that?" He covers his face and groans. "Doyoung, you're making me go crazy!"</p>
<p>          "What did I do?" Doyoung asks with a confused laugh. "You're that one that kissed me so pathetically like that."</p>
<p>          His hands fall from his face as Taeyong whips his head to glare at Doyoung. "You're so mean! I'm losing my mind right now—"</p>
<p>          Before he can finish his sentence, Taeyong finds his collar to be grabbed by Doyoung as he is gently pulled in close. Electricity runs through Taeyong's veins when he sees the playful glint in Doyoung's eyes.</p>
<p>          "Stop saying nonsense," Doyoung quietly says, his voice sensual yet amused. </p>
<p>          When Doyoung kisses Taeyong, the latter finds himself falling apart in pieces.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Kissing Kim Doyoung is insane.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's mind goes blank. He cannot think of anything no matter how hard he tries. Time stops, and his heartbeat intensifies. All he can do is feel: he can feel Doyoung's gentle hand on his shoulder, and he can feel Doyoung's soft lips on his. There is something about the way Doyoung kisses him; although Doyoung holds Taeyong so mildly, the latter feels pulled in to the point that he cannot escape. It must be his dominating aura. Doyoung may be tender, but his entire character entices Taeyong in and holds him tight, refusing to let go.</p>
<p>          Heat rises in Taeyong's stomach, and he closes his eyes, leaning into Doyoung. He can smell the rain, yet his entire body is warm as if the sun radiates upon him. His fingers unconsciously find themselves clinging to Doyoung's sleeves, and his toes curl from the emotion in his veins.</p>
<p>          Doyoung's lips are absolutely hypnotizing. Although they aren't necessarily aggressive or hungry, they are much more powerful than that. The smallest of actions are already like a vast storm, making Taeyong's stomach tumble in waves. Doyoung's lips are gently assertive, making Taeyong crumble from the feeling itself.</p>
<p>          The rain continues to pour around them. As Taeyong's mouth parts open the slightest bit, he thinks that this is <em>too </em>perfect. Kissing Doyoung is like watching the summer rain; you'd expect it to be cold, but you're so drawn to it that you can't help but sink into its alluring warmth. It's as if the scene has been specifically set for Doyoung, the ambiance so enigmatic yet captivating like himself. Doyoung presses into Taeyong's mouth like an artist's brush painting a canvas.</p>
<p>          Taeyong thinks that Doyoung's lips taste much too good, and he finds it difficult to incline away. He finds himself only wanting more. His arms manage to wrap around Doyoung's neck, a prison that he doesn't want Doyoung to leave. His heart swells to the point that it might burst, and the sensations of glee wrap around his body.</p>
<p>          All the while, Doyoung thinks that kissing Taeyong is like kissing a dog.</p>
<p>          Doyoung manages to slowly lean away. Taeyong's eyelids flutter open, and his mouth stays carelessly parted as if he's in shock from what just happened. "Woah," Taeyong whispers hoarsely. "Woahhhhh."</p>
<p>          "You're not that great at kissing," Doyoung bluntly says, smiling to himself as he does so.</p>
<p>          "Way to ruin the mood." Taeyong's eyebrows furrow together from both embarrassment and disappointment. That ended much quicker than he would have liked it to. "Why has everyone I've ever dated said that, though?" Taeyong murmurs to himself.</p>
<p>          This makes Doyoung laugh. "Well, we can work on it. Practice makes perfect."</p>
<p><em>          When did he become such a flirt?</em> Taeyong thinks in astonishment. He cups Doyoung's face and gives him a quick, mild kiss, hoping it will hide the sight of his burning cheeks. "You're scaring me," he says after letting Doyoung go. "This is <em>way </em>scarier than when you were devoid of emotions."</p>
<p>          "It's your fault." Doyoung stands up and holds out his hand for Taeyong. "Let's go now."</p>
<p>          Taeyong takes Doyoung's hand. They walk together under the umbrella and pouring rain.</p>
<p>          The month of June has started a lot more passionately than Taeyong had thought it would.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"What do you look so happy for? I guess things are good with Taeyong now?" Once again, Jiyeon hits the nail on its head as soon as Doyoung arrives home. She is sitting on the sofa with the TV on, but she doesn't seem to be watching anything. A glass of wine sits on the coffee table in front of her.</p>
<p>          Doyoung groans and plops down on the sofa next to his friend. "Can you hurry up and move out? You're getting more exhausting by the day." He glances at the wine and feels a bit bad for leaving Jiyeon alone all the time.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon scoffs. "Sisters before misters, dude. Kicking out your helpless friend so you can bring your boyfriend home? Not cool." She grabs her drink and elegantly takes a sip as if she is filming a luxurious commercial.</p>
<p>          The response makes Doyoung's cheeks blaze. "You are the <em>most </em>annoying person I know. And everyone I know is annoying, some way or another."</p>
<p>          "Today is a chicken and beer kind of day," Jiyeon continues, ignoring Doyoung's statements of misery. "Rain and all. Hurry up, and take a shower. I ordered the food a while ago." She drowns the wine in one go and holds the glass out to Doyoung as if she expects him to take it for her.</p>
<p>          Doyoung shakes his head, but he stands up and obediently listens. </p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Things have never felt so good. Doyoung had initially thought that just being with Taeyong, like from the beginning, would be enough. But nowadays, he understands Taeyong's prior frustration. His heart never quite settles in his chest. It always seems to flutter about, like cherry blossom petals dancing towards the ground after a sweet breeze blows.</p>
<p>          Today is not too different. </p>
<p>          It's a walk in the park, this time. The trees offer momentary, forgiving shade from the harsh sunlight. With the heat becoming stronger, Taeyong has been dressing a bit more sloppily. The top buttons of his shirt are never closed, and his sleeves are always rolled up to his elbows. Doyoung, on the contrary, looks neat as ever, having just switched to a lighter material for his clothing. The pair appear awkwardly fitting to onlookers as they walk side by side, drinking iced coffee.</p>
<p>          "When does your lunch break end?" Doyoung asks, glancing at Taeyong.</p>
<p>          "Whenever I feel like it." Taeyong shrugs. He winces a bit. Another headache has come about and recently, they've been occurring more frequently. He had shrugged it aside, blaming the summer heat and intensiveness of his recent work.</p>
<p>          But Doyoung does not fail to miss the small action, and it makes him worried. "Are you alright?"</p>
<p>          "Migraine." Taeyong shrugs again. "Nothing a good ol' Advil can't fix."</p>
<p>          "You should see a doctor. Get a prescription for something that might help more."</p>
<p>          "Oh, actually, I haven't seen one in the longest of times! I want to get new glasses too, heh. Maybe contacts." Taeyong turns his face toward Doyoung and leans in close. "What do you think? What would I look better in?" He grins playfully.</p>
<p>          Doyoung inclines back. "Either is fine."</p>
<p>          Taeyong does not concede, going in further to give Doyoung a quick peck on the lips. "I think I look best when I'm with you."</p>
<p>          The statement makes Doyoung roll his eyes, but he cannot contain the small smile fighting to show up on his face. "That has nothing to do with what we're talking about." He glances sideways at Taeyong. "And keep the glasses."</p>
<p>          "Okie dokie! I'll agree with whatever you say!" Taeyong grabs Doyoung's hand and swings it back and forth as they walk. </p>
<p>          The occasional breeze blows, cooling down Doyoung's sweltering heart.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Twenty Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Visiting the hospital feels sort of like visiting an amusement park, or a museum. Taeyong had walked in the building with a sense of dread; there was a familiar feeling of distrust. Yet at the same time, everything seems so shiny and new. Having not been in a hospital since high school, Taeyong cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense of awe.</p>
<p>          His footsteps tap against the clean, white floor, as Taeyong finds his way to the front desk. "I have an appointment today," he says nervously, scratching the back of his neck, not sure what else to say. Taeyong realizes he feels embarrassed; he's quite close to 30, but his everyday life has gotten close to that of an adult's only recently.</p>
<p>          The receptionist kindly hands Taeyong a form, while gently explaining that he needs to fill out the past medical history of himself and his family. Taeyong quickly nods, his cheeks turning red. His inexperience must be so blatant that even the receptionist could see it.</p>
<p>          Taeyong finds a seat facing an aquarium. His foot begins to restlessly tap the floor as he fills out the form. "Why do I feel nervous?" Taeyong murmurs to himself. The fish swimming around in front of him are slow and dreamy, completely opposite of Taeyong's anxious heart.</p>
<p>          The form has an obvious blank area. The glaring white with a lack of penmanship, asking for his paternal medical history, bothers Taeyong. He just wants to tear the paper apart. He manages to fill the maternal history to the best of his ability, but it is not much better. </p>
<p>          Taeyong tosses the paper on the seat next to him and leans back. He closes his eyes, just wanting to go home. He nearly falls asleep, but a nurse calls him for his appointment. He nervously follows to the room.</p>
<p>          The nurse does her usual routine, but it is all so bewildering to Taeyong. As she wraps his arm with the blood pressure cuff, Taeyong is startled. "What is this?" he asks suddenly.</p>
<p>          The nurse is as equally confused as Taeyong. "I'm measuring your blood pressure," she says, but her tone makes it sound like a question.</p>
<p>          "Why?"</p>
<p>          "Um..." The nurse kind of wants to cry. "It's my job."</p>
<p>          When the doctor finally comes, Taeyong feels his body become tense. He sits up straight as if he is back in school, and his teacher had unexpectedly called on him while he had been dozing off in class. The doctor laughs to himself, seeing Taeyong's rigidness. He sits down across from Taeyong, quickly introducing himself. He begins to go through the form, writing in information on his clipboard with his pen. Taeyong is unsettled by how his name is written in red. Taeyong feels like any doctor that uses a red pen must have a background with medical malpractice.</p>
<p>          "So Taeyong, you finally got a check-up after many years, huh?" the doctor asks.</p>
<p>          "Well yeah. I didn't really need one. I'm pretty healthy, you know."</p>
<p>          "Check-ups aren't just for unhealthy people. You should get them regularly." He taps the pen against his clipboard. "But by your logic, then, you must be having some problems?"</p>
<p>           Taeyong shrugs. "I've had some recurring headaches recently. My vision seems to have gotten a bit worse. I recently started working, though, I think that's why."</p>
<p>          The doctor scans the form, his eyebrows raising at a certain portion. "Your mom had... 'Von hippopotamus disease?'"</p>
<p>          Taeyong can only shrug again, feelingly slightly embarrassed. "I don't remember exactly what it's called."</p>
<p>          Eyebrows furrowing together, the doctor tries to think. The realization makes him shoot up straight. "Von Hippel-Lindau?" he asks, his voice suddenly quite sharp.</p>
<p>          Seeing the doctor like that makes Taeyong's anxiety increase ten-fold. "Y-yeah," he stutters. "Why?"</p>
<p>          "That's a heritable disease. Why didn't your mom or anyone tell you?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong wishes he was dumb to the point that he would at least not know what "heritable" means. Unfortunately, he does. The words make him freeze all over, his heartbeat so slow that he can feel its lack of presence. "They didn't know while she was alive," he says slowly, his voice incredibly soft. He stares blankly at the wall, trying to recall. "When she died, they thought it was just pancreatic cancer. B-But... she had donated her body to a hospital, and they found out then. When they called and told me, I wasn't..." Taeyong trails off. He had completely forgotten. Taeyong had not even known about her donating her body to a medical facility until after she was dead. Even past death, his mother had kept him in mind, wanting to save her son the costs of a funeral. He had been in so much grief at the time, nothing had mattered. Every word from then went through one ear and came out the other.</p>
<p>          The doctor sighs. "You should schedule another appointment, a cancer screening check-up." He taps his pen again, red dots appearing on the corner of the paper. "Your headaches and vision loss may possibly be from hemangioblastomas."</p>
<p>          The unfamiliar words make Taeyong tune out. Cancer? Hemangioblastomas? The foreignness of his sudden situation makes his chest shake. He's scared to listen anymore, and the idea of going through what his mother did makes him nearly break.</p>
<p>          A strong yet sad resolution builds up in Taeyong. He knows very well that if he ends up like his mother, he must cut off some loose ends first.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong does a lot of thinking. The warm, June wind rustles his hair. The concrete bench is somehow comfortable since the bright sun had been gleaming on it since morning. The ambiance is quite gentle in the hospital garden. Taeyong can spot a patient walking with a family member or being wheeled around by a nurse. It feels so calming and hopeful, but Tayeong's heart is heavy and grim.</p>
<p>          He's accepted that he'll die. Taeyong thinks it's a certain fact, bound to happen since it's his fate. Although it's a bit scary, it rests comfortably in the back of Taeyong's mind. Perhaps being able to accept it is what makes Taeyong feel much calmer than he should be feeling. The doctor had mentioned that the hema-whatevers could form in the brain and spinal cord. From that statement, Tayeong deduced he had some sort of brain cancer. He thought it was a bit funny, albeit morbid; but he had felt glad hearing that he could possibly have some medical excuse for his occasional stupidity.</p>
<p>          Taeyong balances his elbow on his thigh, resting his face on his hand as he thinks. Okay, so he'll die. He's not sure if he wants to before or after he reaches 30. It would be nice to live longer, but Taeyong also thinks that dying young is cooler. He shakes off the thought when he realizes it's out his control.</p>
<p>          There are more important things to think about. Sungyeol. <em>Doyoung</em>. Taeyong's entire chest buzzes with anxiety. It envelopes him, and the somber reality is about to sink in. He tries to ignore it, but Taeyong can feel himself begin to take it seriously until he nearly cries. "Oh my God, Doyoung," he murmurs into his hands. His voice shakes, even breaking a bit. </p>
<p>          Although he isn't exactly the one losing Doyoung, the idea of not being able to see him makes Taeyong's throat go dry. His heart feels heavy, and it's as if he's barely swimming in murky water, the creatures of the depths trying to pull him in. Taeyong bites his lip, trying to hold back the sob that would confirm his reality.</p>
<p>          Taeyong realizes he loves Doyoung a lot. He loves Doyoung much too much for him to get hurt. So as the sun begins to set behind him, Taeyong knows what he must do.</p>
<p>          He cannot bear Doyoung to miss him. So he must make Doyoung hate him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Twenty Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong's mind races as he waits for Doyoung to arrive. He sits at a bench, facing the Han River. Families and couples walk by, enjoying the nighttime scenery. It seems like Taeyong is the only restless person in the area. His leg shakes, and he fidgets with his finger. When he spots Doyoung approaching, he bites his lip anxiously.</p>
<p>          Doyoung gently smiles upon setting down next to Taeyong. "Hi," he says, facing Taeyong. "What's this about?" The corners of his mouth lift in a pretty manner. The action would usually fill Taeyong with immeasurable peace, but he only feels more afraid when he sees it.</p>
<p>          Seeing Doyoung's kind face makes Taeyong nearly erupt in tears. His throat feels dry as if he is choking on nothing. His chest is so hot that he feels suffocated. Taeyong realizes he cannot delay. Doing so would only break his heart even more, making him not want to say anything at all. He opens his mouth to speak, yet the words refuse to come out.</p>
<p>          "Are you alright?" Doyoung asks, an eyebrow raising in worry. "You don't look too well. How was your appointment?"</p>
<p>          Every action feels really hard. Taeyong suddenly wishes he had just never met Doyoung to begin with. He wishes that their paths had never crossed. Had they never met, maybe Taeyong wouldn't feel so miserable right now. He thinks he's the worst person alive, making Doyoung love him and then having to rip his heart out of his chest. Taeyong genuinely feels like he is drowning in the ocean; the water is so dark that he cannot even see.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, I don't think I can do this," Taeyong murmurs out. He runs his hand through his hair. He looks so obviously agitated as his hands shake like leaves in the winter.</p>
<p>          His delayed fear has finally arrived. His heart hammers against his chest, making him feel like he's on the edge of chaos. The back of his neck feels ice cold, as if Chione herself whispers sultry remarks from behind him.</p>
<p>
  <em>          Oh my gosh, I'm going to die. I don't want to die. No, I don't want to leave anyone, I hate this.</em>
</p>
<p>          "Taeyong?" Doyoung leans in, looking extremely concerned. "What's wrong?"</p>
<p>          "Let's break up." The words are sharp and clean as they snap put of Taeyong's mouth. Taeyong gulps, knowing he cannot take back what has been said. "I don't want to be together anymore." He almost exhales, wanting to let out the agony he is drowning in. But the heavy weight of his desolation reminds him that he alone must carry this burden.</p>
<p>          Doyoung leans back and stares at Taeyong. The worry on his face is replaced with a static lack of emotion. He seems to be thinking for a bit, but he finally speaks and says, "I don't understand why you're saying this out of nowhere. And I don't agree either. At least explain to me." Doyoung's eyes are strong and steady, but Taeyong does not fail to notice the slightest of quivers in his eyebrows.</p>
<p>          The look on Doyoung's face is far too familiar to Taeyong. It's an old Doyoung of the past, one that is cold and emotionless to everyone around him. But Taeyong knows much too well that Doyoung is already hurt and confused. He might have been tricked by Doyoung's businesslike mannerisms had he not already known Doyoung so well.</p>
<p>          "There's nothing to explain," Taeyong blurts out, trying to keep an edge to his voice. "I don't like you anymore."</p>
<p>          Subtle shock fights its way to Doyoung's face, but it's quickly replaced with a dark flash in his eyes. "Okay." His voice is placid, hinting that only brief statements will be said from now on.</p>
<p>          The lack of response is so incredibly frustrating to Taeyong. He doesn't want to go any further, yet Doyoung's calm demeanor makes him feel as if he has to push it all the way. "Do you get it? You're not the first person I've liked, so it only makes sense you're not the last either." The words rush out desperately, Taeyong utilizing each sentence like a bullet. He wishes with all his heart that Doyoung only feels anger without the sadness. </p>
<p>          "Alright."</p>
<p>          "I mean," Taeyong continues, "who would like someone like you anyway? You're moody and quiet and all you do is work. You're boring since you never like doing anything. You—"</p>
<p>          "I get it, Taeyong." There's an edge to Doyoung's voice, symbolizing both anger and bitterness.</p>
<p>          How can Taeyong ever tell him that he's never hated any of that about Doyoung? Doyoung's kind smiles and gentle quiet: how could he ever say that it's all the things he's only ever loved about him? </p>
<p>          Taeyong glances at Doyoung's face. It is hard and stone-cold. Doyoung stares at the river, refusing to even look at Taeyong's direction.</p>
<p>          "If you get it, there's nothing else to say," Taeyong manages to say</p>
<p>          "Fine." Doyoung stands up to leave. "Goodbye then." He walks away.</p>
<p>          Taeyong allows himself to look at Doyoung's retreating back. As Doyoung gets further and further away, Taeyong finally lets out an exhale. Then, he allows himself to cry.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's face becomes wet with tears as he sobs into his hands, wishing that this is just a bad dream. His chest stings as if there's a sweltering rod stuck inside him, something so hot that it feels blisteringly cold. He wants to wake up and find Doyoung to tell him that he'll stay with him forever. He wants to tell Doyoung that he loves him like crazy and that he'd do anything for him.</p>
<p>          But Taeyong knows it is not a dream, and the world moves on. As the night continues, turning the last day of June to the first of July, Taeyong thinks that this is quite a pathetic way to celebrate his twenty-seventh birthday.</p>
<p>          Taeyong knows he must move on too. So he stands up, still crying, and walks home.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong walks home feeling quite miserable. He does not stop crying, even when he starts to feel tired of it. His nose is insanely runny, and it disgusts him how wet his sleeve is from rubbing off snot so many times.</p>
<p>          By the time he arrives home, Taeyong is absolutely exhausted. He feels drained of energy, and it feels as if there are heavyweights on his eyelashes. He can barely move his aching legs, so he flops himself onto the couch, burying his head into the pillows. His sobs are only slightly muffled, but they do not necessarily get any quieter. It hurts his chest, crying this much. But no matter how much he wants to stop, he cannot.</p>
<p>          The sobs attract Sungyeol's attention. Sungyeol slowly peers out of his room, a quizzical expression displayed on his face. He glances at Taeyong lying face down on the couch, and his eyebrows shoot up in worry. "Taeyong, are you okay?" When Sungyeol does not get a response, he hesitantly walks over and sits down next to his friend.</p>
<p>          Sungyeol pats Taeyong's back, feeling very surprised to see someone so bright unusually gloomy. Taeyong sniffles and manages to groan out, "I'm fine, Yeol."</p>
<p>          "I don't think so," Sungyeol slowly says. He scratches the back of his neck, trying to figure out the currently unique situation. "For real, why are you acting like this? I thought you were going to celebrate your birthday with Doyoung?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong rolls over, now facing the ceiling. His nose is bright red and still wet as well. His eyes are swollen and dark. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it will limit the number of sobs making way out of his mouth. "We broke up."</p>
<p>          "What? Why?" Sungyeol urgently asks. A flash of anger races across his typically innocent face. "Don't tell me he—"</p>
<p>          "No, Yeol," Taeyong interrupts tiredly. "I did it. And I didn't want to."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol runs a hand through his hair, feeling very confused. "Yeah, that makes <em>total </em>sense." He bites his lips anxiously, only wanting to see Taeyong feel better.</p>
<p>          Taeyong deliberates for a moment. He wonders if he should tell Sungyeol. Just like when it comes to Doyoung, Taeyong does not want Sungyeol to miss him. But he's known Sungyeol much too long to abandon him. If Taeyong tries to run away, he will look behind him and see his younger brother in his middle school uniform, chasing him and demanding why this is happening. And maybe it's better to prepare Sungyeol now. He has bigger things ahead of him, and Taeyong would hate to hinder him then. </p>
<p>          Taeyong thinks hard on the matter, while Sungyeol impatiently stares. It hurts his heart, thinking about Sungyeol. He holds his breath a little bit, trying to hold himself back from crying any harder. </p>
<p>          "Yeol, I'm going to die."</p>
<p>          Sungyeol blinks in response. "Really?"</p>
<p>          "Yeah."</p>
<p>          "Oh." Sungyeol scratches the back of his neck again. He tilts his head, trying to understand. "Why?"</p>
<p>          "I have brain cancer."</p>
<p>          "Did they tell you that?"</p>
<p>          This time, Taeyong blinks. "Uh, kind of."</p>
<p>          "Oh." Sungyeol's eyes widen as he thinks. "You're not even 30. I told you you shouldn't watch the microwave so closely when you make ramyeon. I bet it's all those radioactive nuclear waves."</p>
<p>          "It's inherited. From my mom."</p>
<p>          "I thought your mom had pancreatic cancer?"</p>
<p>          The entire conversation has confused both Sungyeol and Taeyong. The latter stops crying, his brain turning its gears trying to remember exactly what the doctor had told him. He realizes he had not been fully listening. "Well, you know," Taeyong begins to drawl out, "it moved around. Relocated, y'know?" The statement seems ridiculous even after he says it, but Taeyong thinks that this explanation would make more sense to Sungyeol than whatever the truth is.</p>
<p>          They sit together in silence for a bit, processing the information. When Sungyeol finally digests it, he turns to face Taeyong. A small, silent trail of tears begin to pour out of his eyes. "Are you really going to die?" His lips quiver, and Taeyong thinks it is much too similar to when Sungyeol's mother had beat him with a wooden spoon for failing a 10th-grade math test. "Really?"</p>
<p>          "You can't tell anyone," Taeyong mumbles out, playing with his fingers. "Absolutely not even a single person."</p>
<p>          "You're too calm about this," Sungyeol whines out.</p>
<p>          "I tried really hard to be." Taeyong manages to let out a slow exhale. Seeing Sungyeol cry makes his own tears dry. He leans closer to Sungyeol and puts an arm around him, comfortably patting his arm. "It's okay, Yeol. It's not like I'll be gone tomorrow."</p>
<p>          "Taeyong," Sungyeol quietly murmurs. He does not finish his statement and instead turns his head into Taeyong's arms, silently crying in his embrace.</p>
<p>          "You're such a kid," Taeyong exhales. He pets Sungyoel's head as if he is a child post-tantrum. He cannot hold back the overwhelming wave of sadness that engulfs him. He feels cold all over, his neck frozen as if snowflakes cling to it.</p>
<p>          He holds Sungyeol a little closer as if it will give him the warmth he desires.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Twenty Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doyoung does not cry, even once. Days go by, and he only feels a bitter numbness deep in his chest. His mind feels empty, yet there's that small, lurking bulb of hurt lingering throughout. He focuses on work, distracting himself from anything outside of it. He doesn't feel like himself; he feels like someone else, inhabiting the body of Kim Doyoung, watching him do the actions but not quite feeling like he's doing it himself. The betrayal has ripped him devoid of reality, so he just gets by, ignoring it.</p>
<p>          This immensely worries Jiyeon. She had asked him, back then, when it happened. But Doyoung had snapped at her once, to leave him alone, and then pushed her into a pool of silence from then on. At first, she had continuously pressed him, wanting to know what was wrong. But Jiyeon has reached a point where she is scared of losing her only family. She knows it is wrong, but she decides she will not fight with Doyoung. So she avoids the topic, melting into Doyoung's false reality.</p>
<p>          It is like that for a while. Jiyeon quietly watches Doyoung, in his silent suffering. She keeps an eye but does not reach out, even when she so desperately wants to. She knows that he needs something to do as much as she does. One day, she finds the opportunity.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung," she gently says, knocking on his bedroom door and peering in. "I'm going to start setting up. For my cafe." Doyoung blankly stares at her, not saying nor showing anything. So Jiyeon continues. "I want your input. Would you come to look at furniture with me?"</p>
<p>          And so, the two drive to a furniture depot. It is silent, with only the warm whispers of the sunlight keeping them company.</p>
<p>          They walk together, stopping by anything that catches Jiyeon's eye. However, Jiyeon finds it difficult to focus. Her eyes do not stray from her silent friend. But even someone like Jiyeon has her limits. At a certain point, she pulls Doyoung down to a table display. They sit together, and she looks at him intensely.</p>
<p>          No words come out of Jiyeon's mouth, but Doyoung is already annoyed. Thinking about the situation is like taking a key and unlocking his heart. The hurt and anger threaten to leak out, like a waterfall bursting through a small crevice. Doyoung had his moment of bliss, him and Taeyong being two pairs of soft footprints in the sand. But the waves have washed them away, and Doyoung is not stupid enough to allow himself to feel any dread over it.</p>
<p>          "Jiyeon, I'm tired of this," he darkly mumbles out.</p>
<p>          "And you think I'm not?" she snaps. She shakes her head, mentally cursing herself for not holding her temper. "You can wallow in your misery all you like, but it's unfair that I'm being dragged into it. I agreed to not ask you about it, yet you make it hard to commit."</p>
<p>          "Then move out already. Leave me alone." Doyoung does not miss a beat.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon's lip quivers a bit, but she holds her chin up. "You're so immature. This isn't okay."</p>
<p>          "You're not anyone to tell me what is and isn't okay," Doyoung says, his voice sharp and cold. "I'm minding my own business. You mind yours."</p>
<p>          "You are such an <em>asshole</em>." Jiyeon bites her lip, only wanting to scream. "I just want to help you."</p>
<p>          The last sentence pulls Doyoung a bit closer to reality. He lets out a defeated sigh, feeling slightly sorry for his attitude. The truth leaks out, drop by drop. "Jiyeon, Taeyong broke up with me." Jiyeon opens her mouth in shock, but Doyoung speaks first. "And I <em>don't </em>want to talk about it."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon's eyebrows furrow together as she sinks deep in thought. She finally lets out an exhausted exhale, deciding to listen to Doyoung's plea. "Fine. That has nothing to do with me," she carefully says. "Can you just stop ignoring me? I won't bother you about it, but you could at least try to talk with me a bit more often." Jiyeon fidgets with her fingers, suddenly feeling quite lonely. "You're my only friend."</p>
<p>          Guilt punches Doyoung in the gut, immediately making him feel regretful for his actions. The buzz of anxiety does not leave Doyoung's mind, but he tries to put it aside. His heart thumps against his chest, loud and clear, and he feels as if he is floating in cold water. "Sorry," Doyoung mumbles out. </p>
<p>          "You don't need to be. You're not doing anything wrong, I only want to be able to talk to you more." Jiyeon sighs, feeling quite uncomfortable. She would have never imagined Taeyong becoming such a huge problem. Had she not seen Doyoung's attitude for the last couple of days, she might have marched right into Taeyong's home, demanding to know why he would do this. But she knows where her priorities lie and that is making Doyoung just feel better.</p>
<p>          Doyoung does <em>not </em>feel better. He feels distracted, at least. Maybe putting in some effort towards Jiyeon will keep his mind off the numbing, excruciatingly empty pain. So he stands up with an exhale and looks around. "I don't think a furniture depot like this will help you find what you're looking for. Let's go to a second-hand store or something for antiques."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon looks up at Doyoung. He has a look of empty determination on his face. She doesn't buy it, but it is better than before. She stands up as well. "Alright."</p>
<p>          The two leave, this time in a different kind of silence.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>When Heiran calls, Doyoung has just carried in the last table into Jiyeon's cafe. His arms are sore from having moved around virtually everything. He views Jiyeon a bit more pessimistically today; she is more like a dictator than a friend.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, your phone," Jiyeon mumbles, adjusting the table position by just centimeters until she finds it satisfactory. She walks to the entrance door and stares at the setting, now thinking about what decorations she will need.</p>
<p>          Doyoung tiredly grabs his phone and sits down at a table, feeling relieved for his small break. However, Heiran's enthusiastic greeting only makes him more tired. </p>
<p>          "Oh, Doyoung, can you believe it? Next month. I'm getting married next month!" Her words are fast and excited. She does not pause between phrases, and Doyoung can imagine her speaking. Her arms would be fluttering around like dragonfly wings, and her mouth would be turned into an ever-permanent smile.</p>
<p>          "I still find it quite hard to believe," he says, closing his eyes. He rubs his forehead, only wanting to take a nap. But Heiran's bright voice forces him awake. It is much too similar to someone else he knows, and the realization makes his head ring.</p>
<p>          "I would <em>love </em>it if you would come cake testing with me," Heiran obliviously continues. "Whenever you're not busy, of course."</p>
<p>          Doyoung nearly declines. But he remembers that Heiran will be leaving soon. So he swallows the thoughts of fear and hesitantly agrees.</p>
<p>          "I'll send you all the information. Thanks, Yucky."</p>
<p>          As soon as he hangs up, Jiyeon rushes over, her face displaying a concentrated frown. "There's <em>so </em>much work to do."</p>
<p>          Doyoung agrees. Yet, he does not feel any better.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Doyoung would have never thought cake testing could be so exhausting. But he finds it is, and he nearly wants to die when they finally finish. His tongue feels numb from excessive sweetness and frosting, and his mind heavy from his usual daily dose of suffering.</p>
<p>          "The champagne cream with rum and coconut was <em>so </em>good," Heiran says, her voice bubbly and the extra sugar making her bounce more than usual. "But the pear and almond sponge with the passion fruit was <em>fantastic</em>. Maybe it would be better since there will be kids after all." She skips next to Doyoung, her arms swinging side to side. It is a funny image to onlookers, with Doyoung looking obviously drained; his steps are slow and heavy, and he slouches the smallest bit, something so unusual coming from him. "What do you think, Doyucky? What did you like?"</p>
<p>          "Vanilla," Doyoung curtly says. He sighs. The afternoon sky is beginning to cool down, but it is still bright. The day feels incredibly long.</p>
<p>          "You're so boring." Heiran giddily loops an arm into Doyoung's, sneakily pulling him into a cafe. "I'll buy you a coffee, so sit down."</p>
<p>          Doyoung obediently listens, finding a seat by the window. He finds the interior very relaxing; it is clean and white, and all the furniture is made of basic pine. It offers his eyes some rest from the bright pink of the bakery they had just been at prior.</p>
<p>          As usual, he only feels tired. Time feels like a heavy burden, like rocks and stones balancing on his shoulders. In a way, he has reverted back to his usual, old life. Everything is in place, like a perfect schedule, or like a shelf filled with books where every book has the same number of pages and is the same size. He's a small ball of yarn, neatly packed and compressed. Yet ordinary objects have purpose and must be used for there to be any good to it. There is no use of yarn when it isn't being used to make something for material warmth.</p>
<p>          Heiran arrives and sets down an iced coffee in front of Doyoung. He takes it gratefully and immediately takes a sip, finding solace in the bitter cold enveloping his mouth. Heiran shakes her head and chuckles. </p>
<p>          "I'm thinking six-tiers," Heiran says with a hum, taking a sip of her own milk tea as she does so.</p>
<p>          Doyoung shudders at the thought. Heiran's wedding sounds much too glamorous and large-scale for his taste, but it is exactly like her. "I won't be eating it even if there's half a tier," Doyoung murmurs out. He frowns and chews on his straw distractedly.</p>
<p>          Heiran does not fail to notice her friend's unusual discomfort. "Is something wrong?" she gently asks.</p>
<p>          "No."</p>
<p>          "Yes?"</p>
<p>          "I said <em>no</em>."</p>
<p>          "What's wrong?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung puts a hand down on the table, glaring at Heiran in warning. "<em>Nothing</em>."</p>
<p>          Heiran tilts her head sideways and smiles. "How are you and Taeyong?"</p>
<p>          "We broke up," Doyoung says bluntly. He leans back in his seat and drinks some more coffee.</p>
<p>          Apparently, it is not the answer Heiran had been expecting. "What? I thought you guys just fought or something, from the way you're acting. You broke up?" Her eyes are wide in shock as the smile is replaced with an open "O."</p>
<p>          "That's what I said." Doyoung has accepted the situation a bit more now, but it still feels as terrible and raw. He's grown accustomed to the fresh sting. Knowing he cannot do anything about it, he deals with it and just waits for himself to feel something else. </p>
<p>          Heiran's parted mouth does not close. She seems more confused than surprised, and Doyoung can nearly hear the gears turning in her mind. "Th-that... that doesn't make sense," she stammers out. "He <em>said </em>he would be there for you."</p>
<p>          "Heiran, move on," Doyoung says cynically. "It's been days."</p>
<p>          "You clearly haven't." Heiran stares at Doyoung, her eyes igniting with slight anger and distrust. Doyoung cannot tell if it is aimed at him or not, but he suddenly feels alarmed nevertheless. He sits up a bit straighter as Heiran glares past him. "This isn't right. He <em>said </em>he would stay with you."</p>
<p>          Doyoung does not know where these words are coming from, but they agitate him. Heiran might as well be pouring salt on the wound, lemon juice on the paper cut, from reminding him what Taeyong had supposedly said he would and wouldn't do. His arms itch as if waves of rapid heat buzz on the small hairs. At the same time, his hands feel ice cold like he's dipped them into the Arctic Ocean. Like a dry leaf in the summer, he finds himself burning to small, trivial pieces. "Heiran, enough," he says sharply, his voice low and dark. "I don't want to talk about it."</p>
<p>          Heiran leans back in slight surprise, but the look of suspicion does not fade away from her face. "Sorry," she says. She shakes her head and fidgets with the ends of his hair. "I was surprised. That's all." She hesitates before speaking again. "Are you alright though?"</p>
<p>          Doyoung blankly stares at the table. He feels his heads shake, but he clenches a fist to make it stop. "It doesn't matter either way."</p>
<p>          There is nothing more to be said. Heiran leaves the conversation alone, but she cannot help but think something is wrong.</p>
<p>          She is oblivious to Doyoung's train of thought: one that tells him maybe this makes more sense than he thought it had before.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong's cancer screening appointment is terrifying. It does not help his case, seeing patients with a pessimistic, hopeless aura surrounding them. It is a strange moment of bonding, or at least Taeyong believes so, between tragic people.</p>
<p>          In the waiting room, the news is on. Taeyong has taken work off today for his appointment. He wishes he were at the anchor's desk right now, going through his day like normal. Watching the TV makes Taeyong feel empty like never before. He feels like a random leaf on a branch, unexpectedly at the mercy of a rambunctious toddler shaking the branch aggressively. Like ripples in a pond after a stone is thrown in, his anxiety only increases in small, repeated waves; small on its own, but in great magnitude combined.</p>
<p>          The actual appointment is not too much better. Taeyong goes through the motions, keeping his eyes and ears closed as he does so. Just because he <em>knows </em>his reality doesn't quite particularly mean he wants to affirm it. He keeps his eyes focused on the ground and shuts out everything and anything the doctor says.</p>
<p>          This gets particularly difficult when Taeyong must do his MRI scan.</p>
<p>          "What is this?" Taeyong asks nervously.</p>
<p>          "I'll use this to get a scan of your body," the doctor says, not noticing Taeyong's agitation. </p>
<p>          The big, scary machine is very cold. Taeyong shuts his eyes as he lies down on it, the cold metal feeling very morbid at the moment. He might have fallen asleep and taken a nap, had his heart not been beating so fast from worry.</p>
<p>          By the end of his appointment, Taeyong is virtually racing to leave. "Just call me about the follow-up and results and stuff," Taeyong rushes, not bothering to make a second appointment. </p>
<p>          When he gets back home, he takes a long, calm nap.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Work has never felt as much as a chore as it does today. Doyoung hates every minute of his existence. He hates having to work on this stupid resort project, and he hates feeling so lost and alone every day.</p>
<p>          Somewhere along the way, Doyoung had begun to think that this would only be the norm for him. This is not the first time he's felt so betrayed, so unloved. Maybe it won't be the last either. His heart has petrified into cold and hard stone again, only the warmest of love perhaps ever being able to melt it again.</p>
<p>          His mind strays to thoughts of his mother. Normally, he would have thought of visiting her again. But today, his mind is clouded with dark distrust. He would hate for yet another person to tell him to leave again. Doyoung will not allow himself to be abandoned once more, so he pushes the thought out of his mind.</p>
<p>          When his assistant nervously lets Doyoung know of his father's request to see him, he truly dreads being awake. He would much prefer to take a long nap, one where he could wake up feeling refreshed from reality and with a clear mind. But every day feels sleepless, and Doyoung always thinks he's losing his grip on anything energy-consuming.</p>
<p>          At first, the trip up to the office does not feel that different. Doyoung feels like he is being carried by a wind over a vast, gray ocean. There are no waves and no sunlight, just a dreary, endless, blanket of nothing.</p>
<p>          As the elevator slowly goes up, Doyoung feels like he is drowning. He is just <em>so </em>tired of it all. He wants to quit and leave everything important behind.</p>
<p>          The steps into his father's office feel heavy as usual. Doyoung goes in without knocking and flops down onto the chair across the desk, only wanting to finish as soon as possible. Kim Duho raises an eyebrow, seeing his son's unusually sloppy attitude.</p>
<p>          "I'm already preparing for an on-site visit," Doyoung says lowly. "Things are fine, I don't think you have anything to be worried about."</p>
<p>         "We'll have another board meeting soon." It is as if Doyoung's father is oblivious to any words that do not come out of his own mouth.</p>
<p>          Doyoung gulps, already knowing why his father would call him just to discuss a board meeting. He clenches a fist. He hates this burden so much. He wants to run away and never look back. The tide of debilitation begins to roll back, away from the shore that is Doyoung's body. "Alright," Doyoung says quietly.</p>
<p>          Duho continues to speak, implying information about Doyoung's succession. But Doyoung only stares blankly at the nameplate on his father's desk.</p>
<p>      <em>    CEO Kim Duho.</em></p>
<p>     <em>     CEO Kim Doyoung.</em></p>
<p>          The tide draws nearer and nearer. Upon closer look, it is a large and massive wave, an absolute tsunami of enervation. As his father continues to talk, Doyoung blinks a bit in realization. He thinks he's lost a lot recently. So it only makes sense that at this point, he has nothing more to lose.</p>
<p>          Suddenly, Doyoung shoots up, standing straight. Duho stares, his mouth open, pausing mid-sentence. "What is it?" he asks.</p>
<p>          "I <em>don't </em>want this. Any of it. And I certainly don't <em>owe </em>you anything, seeing all I've got in return," Doyoung says quickly. His voice is shaky, but there is a determined edge. "I never asked for this. All I wanted was for you to pay attention to mom and me. Not being some privileged heir apparent." His entire body feels firey hot and flushed; from the tips of his ears to his abdomen, there is a cardinal, burning sensation.</p>
<p>          The thunderous wave washes over Doyoung, drenching him in the bitter hurt he has been holding in his entire life. "This isn't worth it. I've wasted so much time here. I'm not going to be some tool to secure your succession. I'm going to be better than you. I'll be there for mom and my friends, not leave them behind like you. Mom said it herself, that you never visited her even once. I won't let myself become like you."</p>
<p>          Duho stares at his son's face, not showing even an ounce of emotion. This only blazes Doyoung more. His voice finds strength. He lets everything out, feeling lighter as he does so. "I'll finish up this project. But after that, I'm leaving. <em>I'm done</em>."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's chest heaves up and down after his passionate burst. He takes a deep breath. When he breathes out, his chest feels as light as a cloud. The tide gently rolls back again, revealing the warm, everlasting sand. His body cools, like applying soothing ice to a burn.</p>
<p>          When Duho finally speaks, Doyoung never expects to hear what he hears: "You're a lot like your mom."</p>
<p>          "What? What are you—" Doyoung stops mid-sentence when he realizes. He has just done what his very own mother did when she left him: he has stood up for himself and will finally leave behind this cold and harsh world. His chest engulfs with a sweet pride. Doyoung feels a sort of comfort, thinking of himself as more similar to his mother than father.</p>
<p>          "I'm sorry," Duho sighs out. He rubs his forehead tiredly. "I'm not very good at managing my family, am I? I brought this onto myself."</p>
<p>          Doyoung's mouth is agape. He would have never imagined his father admitting his own faults. But it only aggravates him more. If he was so aware of it, why didn't he fix it?</p>
<p>          "I'm sorry I've made you hate me. I thought you were more like me. I'm a bit relieved you aren't." Duho exhales again, before turning back to the work on his desk.</p>
<p>          Doyoung stands there for a moment, still completely astounded by what he hears. But he knows he is not required to leave behind any understanding or forgiveness. So he simply says, "Okay." Then, he walks out of his father's office for the last time.</p>
<p>          When Doyoung goes home, he takes a nap. He later wakes up, feeling refreshed and awake.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Twenty Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jiyeon, there's no way you'll manage making this <em>every </em>day. You're a commoner now," Heiran says, crumbs of cake falling out her mouth. "I mean, lavender honey is nice and all, but it's going to be hard for you on your own."</p>
<p>          "Honestly, she's right," Doyoung says, glancing at the table distastefully. He had been hoping Jiyeon's cafe would consist of more <em>typical </em>food. Instead, an assortment of anything with sugar sits in front of him, just begging to be chucked aside. He pushes the small slice of cake away from him with his fork. "This is too extravagant."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon crosses her arms, casting a deadly stare towards the menu. The three are sitting together at a dark, scratched-up wood table. Orange sunlight drifts through the window beside them as Jiyeon forces her friends to taste-test some menu items she has devised.</p>
<p>          Doyoung watches his friend bite her fingernails. He had initially thought that someone like Jiyeon would easily adapt to her new lifestyle. But some of her tastes still linger, judging from the green leather chair she leans back in and her Valentino heels scratching against the exotic rug on the floor. Although Doyoung had suggested buying second-hand furniture, Jiyeon inherently leaned more towards items that were blatantly not meant for a cafe.</p>
<p>          "It's alright," Jiyeon had said. "I'll just sell one of my cars if I need to. As long as I don't reach the point where I have to get rid of my bags. Or shoes."</p>
<p>          But then Doyoung and Heiran had entered the cafe, seeing an assortment of menu items more suitable for tea with the British queen. "This one is Italian lemon with homemade lemon curd and limoncello buttercream," Jiyeon had said giddily.</p>
<p>          "So just lemon?" Heiran asked quizzically.</p>
<p>          "I still like vanilla," Doyoung murmured.</p>
<p>           Now, Heiran daintily wipes her mouth with a napkin, after letting out a massive burp. "I think this is delicious, Jiyeon," she says pleasantly, pulling a plate of macarons towards her. "But you're not even hiring anyone yet. You can't prepare this every day. Maybe start with sandwiches."</p>
<p>          "Yes," Doyoung says. "Not cake." </p>
<p>          Doyoung feels extremely calm. Not necessarily better, but there is an inexpressible feeling of stability. He takes a sip of the coffee Jiyeon had made for him and stares at the table in disgust. </p>
<p>          Jiyeon continues to look intently towards the food as if it will give her the answers she needs. "But sandwiches are so boring," she slowly drawls out. "Anyone can make that."</p>
<p>          "Which is why it's a good place for you to start," Heiran gently replies.</p>
<p>          Doyoung was not surprised when he found out that Jiyeon and Heiran had become close friends. They're quite similar: both are obnoxiously annoying. But they have their differences too. Jiyeon is like an art piece, elegant and chic. She had been raised that way from birth, and those traits will never leave even after she separates from her family. Heiran is more like the beauty you find in nature, something more familiar yet equally appreciated. Both her parents were the first to go to college and then became successful, giving their daughter a more comfortable life. Heiran's rise to wealth only continues as she and her fiance resume that legacy.</p>
<p>          As he watches the two converse with one another, he finds his heart settling. It initially happens without him even realizing it, but then he knows it as it gets stronger. It's like being dipped in cool water after a hot summer's day, maybe even with an ice cream bar in hand. There's only contentment at the very pit of his stomach, and he comes to a realization so painfully obvious, he thinks himself quite stupid for not thinking it before.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung?" Jiyeon asks, a slightly worried expression on her face.</p>
<p>          "Falling asleep? <em>Hello</em>, it's gal pal time, why aren't you participating?" Heiran continues, waving a hand in front of his face.</p>
<p>          Doyoung blinks in response before narrowing his eyes at the latter speaker. "Very funny," he remarks. </p>
<p>          Heiran shakes her head disapprovingly, making a "tsk tsk" noise with her tongue as she does so. "We were talking about when Jiyeon should open. Aren't you going to Jeju soon? I was saying she should have the grand opening after you come back."</p>
<p>          "You don't need to wait for me."</p>
<p>          "Of course I do," Jiyeon says, her tone strict yet playful. "After all you've done for me? I plan on baking a gargantuan cake with your face on it."</p>
<p>          Doyoung grimaces, but the familiar feeling of peace and comfort washes over him again. He recognizes how lucky he is, to have these people care for him. He had been so out of it, replaying the betrayal from his youth and now, over and over again in his head. But he has reunited with his mother now and has friends who truly want the best for him.</p>
<p>          Maybe it's time for him to show as much effort as they have.</p>
<p>          "Okay," Doyoung gradually replies. "As long as it's vanilla."</p>
<p>          He thinks a bit more about what Taeyong had told him.</p>
<p>       <em>   You're not the first person I've liked, so it only makes sense that you're not the last either.</em></p>
<p>          Doyoung thinks that maybe the same should apply to himself. Maybe Taeyong shouldn't be the last person he's ever loved. Maybe he should redirect it towards those who have been loving him all this time: his friends and family. He sighs a bit, mentally scolding himself for having the emotional intelligence of a pubescent teenager. </p>
<p>          Moving on is hard. Doyoung doesn't think he can just stop loving Taeyong. After all, he's tried it before, and it didn't work. But he knows that he doesn't necessarily need to stop loving others. He smiles to himself a bit, thinking that Jiyeon's life lessons have really been rubbing off on him.</p>
<p>          "Oh my God, did you see that?" Heiran suddenly squeals.</p>
<p>          Doyoung's eyes snap up in confusion. He looks at the two girls, bewildered.</p>
<p>          "I did, I did!" Jiyeon replies with similar enthusiasm. "I can't believe it, do you think we should have gotten a picture?"</p>
<p>          "What in the world are you two talking about?" Doyoung asks, already feeling drained.</p>
<p>          "You <em>smiled</em>," Heiran says, a bright grin glued to her face. "It's been forever since you did that."</p>
<p>          Doyoung blinks in hesitancy before apologetically casting his eyes back down. He had not known the extent to which his friends worried over him. He realizes they had been paying very close attention to him, keeping an eye out on his every action.</p>
<p>          "Sorry," he says, "for troubling you. I'm alright, so you don't need to worry anymore."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon smiles, one corner of her mouth raised slightly higher than the other. "That's good to know. But don't apologize. Worrying over you is our job. What type of people would we be if we didn't do that?"</p>
<p>            As that familiar feeling of warmth envelopes him, Doyoung thinks that moving on won't be too difficult after all.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Taeyong's days feel absolutely endless. It's funny to him: he thinks he's going to die, yet every day feels like an eternity. His daily routine has become repetitive and boring. He wakes up in the morning and goes to work. He does what he needs to, and when he comes back home, he takes a shower and eats dinner. He goes to bed and stares at the ceiling, counting his breaths until he falls asleep. When he wakes up, it feels like he never even slept, but the day must continue so he starts all over again.</p>
<p>          The lack of interest in doing anything is painfully heavy. Sometimes Taeyong will go to Sungyeol's room and watch him study, but it's hard for any conversation to erupt between them. Even talking is tiring, and Taeyong would much rather lie down and stare at his surroundings.</p>
<p>          When Taeyong gets a call from the hospital, he cannot find it in himself to pick it up. He stares at it ringing until it finally stops. Taeyong realizes how stupid he is for thinking he had accepted his fate. It's quite the opposite; he's in delusion, constantly trying to run away from his certain reality. He's like a helpless pebble at the bottom of a lake, covered by gravel and rock and the pressure of cold water. He's stuck and will remain stuck.</p>
<p>          Another thing Taeyong berates himself for is having thought he would have moved on by now. But every night, he dreams of Doyoung. He dreams of holding his hands and his gentle, kind smile. </p>
<p>          One night, in particular, Taeyong comes to an obvious conclusion. He's <em>in </em>love with Doyoung. Not just <em>love </em>love but <em>in love </em>love. A totally mesmerizing, captivating conclusion that once realized, becomes much more heavy.</p>
<p>          Taeyong hates himself for existing. He would like to die as soon as possible so that he could just stop dealing with this extreme loneliness. Every day feels like floating in a pitch-black room, not being able to feel or see anything. </p>
<p>          While Taeyong tries to fall asleep one time, he gets an unexpected text. It had surprised him; his days were so identical that the random 'ding' out of nowhere almost made him feel awake for the first time in forever.</p>
<p>          Curious yet hesitant, Taeyong slowly grabs his phone to open the text.</p>
<p>        </p>
<p>          The message makes Taeyong gulp. <em>Heiran is such a scary woman.</em> He ponders for a bit, thinking about simply blocking her. But he realizes that maybe Heiran could help him. Best case scenario, she will understand and help Doyoung move on. The worst case isn't even too bad: she'll kill him out of anger, and Taeyong will die just like he's been wanting to.</p>
<p>          Taeyong puts his phone away and goes to sleep.</p>
<p>          He dreams of Doyoung.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Twenty Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong arrives at the coffee shop earlier than Heiran. He fumbles with his fingers and stares at the table, feeling absolutely terrified. He bites his lip anxiously, refusing to look around. His hair is disheveled, and his glasses have smudges that he had not bothered to wipe off. Upon finding out that Heiran wanted to meet up with him, Taeyong took the liberty of washing his favorite hoodie for the first time in days.</p>
<p>          When Heiran steps out of her car, Taeyong can see her out the window. She gracefully runs a hand through her long hair and lifts her sunglasses to the top of her head, revealing her incredibly angry eyes. Heiran spots Taeyong watching her and gives him an intense glare. She marches inside, swinging the door open with all her might. Her heels make thunderous clicks against the ground, getting progressively louder as she approaches where Taeyong is sitting. Taeyong gulps and instinctively leans back. </p>
<p>          Heiran smacks a hand down on the table and leans over towards Taeyong's face. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she seethes out through gritted teeth. Upon a closer look, Taeyong can see that Heiran is not only upset, but distressed and worried. She bites her lip as if she is scared to know the reasoning behind the entire situation. "Want to explain why you've completely ruined Doyoung after promising me you'd take care of him?"</p>
<p>          "I'm sorry," Taeyong hoarsely says. "I didn't mean for this to happen."</p>
<p>          Heiran lets out a slow exhale and sits down. Her fingertips anxiously tap against the table as she debates on what to say. "Can you tell me what's going on?" she finally asks, sounding exasperated. "I thought you <em>cared </em>for Doyoung."</p>
<p>          This statement makes Taeyong erupt into tears. He had not expected it, but he cannot help the overwhelming shame that hugs him in its embrace. He sniffles and sobs as Heiran stares at him in a sort of disgusted awe.</p>
<p>          "Taeyong..." Heiran trails off, unhinged by the sudden situation. She abruptly stands up and gets a napkin before coming back and handing it to Taeyong.</p>
<p>          Taeyong graciously accepts it and makes the sound of an angry duck as he blows his nose. Heiran wrinkles her nose distastefully watching the slobbering mess in front of her.</p>
<p>          "I'm going to die, Heiran," he manages out, choking between sniffs.</p>
<p>          "What?" Heiran exclaims, leaning forward. She shakes her head in disbelief. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong manages to tell his story between the crying and blowing his nose. In the end, whereas Taeyong had expected the sympathetic look he'd gotten from Sungyeol, Heiran only stares at him with her mouth agape, an eyebrow raised in disbelief. </p>
<p>          She closes her eyes and rubs her temple. "Hold up," she says with a sigh. "You have VHL? From your mom?"</p>
<p>          "Yeah," Taeyong says sadly, looking like a lost puppy.</p>
<p>          "Do you even know what that is?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong blinks. "Not really."</p>
<p>          "Your mom died of pancreatic cancer, but your doctor said you probably have hemangioblastomas?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong nods slowly, in slight awe that she had recognized the term from him saying "hema-somethings."</p>
<p>          "And you think you're going to die? Did they tell you that? Did you ever get your follow-up from your screening appointment?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong sheepishly shakes his head, thinking of how he had ignored the phone call from the hospital. Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off. Taeyong can almost hear the "ding" his brain makes when he remembers that <em>Heiran is a medical student</em>.</p>
<p>          Heiran lets out a massive groan and opens her eyes. She looks so amazingly angry that Taeyong thinks that perhaps he's already died. It's Judgement Day, and God-Heiran is <em>not </em>happy with Taeyong's course of life.</p>
<p>          Heiran grits her teeth so hard that Taeyong can hear them smashing together. She blinks over and over again as if she's trying to wake up from a bad dream. Taeyong is immensely confused by her actions, but he can tell that Heiran is unbelievably frustrated. He doesn't know in or at what, though.</p>
<p>          "Taeyong. Listen to me <em>very </em>carefully." Her voice is so low and dark, it is almost a growl. "You aren't going to die."</p>
<p>          "What?" Taeyong exclaims as his voice cracks in surprise. Some of the other customers turn to look, feeling sympathetic for the scene they think they are seeing: the demise of a pathetic boyfriend by his incredibly furious girlfriend.</p>
<p>          "Well, you might. I feel like killing you right now." Heiran sighs as her eyebrows furrow together. She looks Taeyong straight in the eye. "VHL is a disease. <em>A disease</em>. Not a specific type of cancer, okay?"</p>
<p>          "O-okay," Taeyong stutters.</p>
<p>          "Your mom died because she had pancreatic cancer. You <em>don't </em>have pancreatic cancer."</p>
<p>          "R-r-right."</p>
<p>          "You think you have brain cancer, but your doctor believed they were hemangioblastomas, right?"</p>
<p>          "Yeah."</p>
<p>          "Hemangioblastomas are <em>benign, </em>Taeyong. You fucking idiot, they're just <em>benign </em>tumors that can occur in the retina and brain. You're not going to die, but I really want to tear your limbs apart with my own hands right now. I can't believe you put Doyoung through all this just because you didn't listen."</p>
<p>          Taeyong's jaw snaps open. He stares at Heiran in shock as he processes what he has just heard. "Wait. For real?"</p>
<p>          "The surgery success rate is pretty high. You just have to get them removed, you stupid fucker." Heiran closes her eyes as if it hurts to look at Taeyong. "God. Why didn't you listen to them? Or go to your follow-up? They would have told you this!"</p>
<p>          Taeyong thinks he's having an epiphany. He's reached nirvana. Or something. Whatever it is, it makes his world suddenly realign and bring back the saturation from before. His mouth stays wide open as overdue embarrassment rushes into him, like the wind on an autumn day. The current starts to move. It picks up the little pebble that is Taeyong, pushing him into the river and towards the edge of the waterfall. A million thoughts fly into his mind, like moths to a lantern. </p>
<p>          "...but he's in Jeju right now," Heiran finishes, not knowing that Taeyong had been in dreamland.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's eyes hurt from opening as wide as they do. "Doyoung moved to Jeju Island?"</p>
<p>          "What? No!" Heiran stands up so fast that the chair squeaks against the floor from being thrown back. Heiran grabs Taeyong's collar and pulls him in close, her manicured fingernails digging into his collarbones. He swallows the nothing in his throat as Heiran gets up in his face. "Have you not learned your lesson? Aren't you listening?" Her voice is heavy with frustration. "He's at Jeju <em>temporarily</em>. And when he comes back, you better run your ass over to him and <em>beg </em>him to take you back. Because I know the man is still in love with you." Heiran releases him but does not back away. "Don't you dare overreact again. You messed up <em>so </em>badly."</p>
<p>          Taeyong flops down onto his chair. He covers his face with his hands, out of both humiliation and elation. "Oh my gosh. <em>Oh my gosh</em>. I am so ashamed right now."</p>
<p>          Heiran sits back down with equal exhaustion. "I cannot believe you. I just can't."</p>
<p>          "Neither can I." Taeyong starts to cry again but this time, out of relief. "I can really see Doyoung again? Really?" He lets down his hands. "I thought I would never be able to."</p>
<p>          "How stupid can you be? Even if you were to die, why would you leave Doyoung behind? That's for him to decide, not you." Heiran rolls her eyes, biting her tongue from making any more remarks. She is also just as relieved, glad to know the problem was so significantly minor. Although the situation had been such a mess, the only thing that matters now is that it can be fixed. She hopes that Doyoung will be alright again.</p>
<p>          As Taeyong sits and cries, he can feel his heart beating against his chest. It's so incredibly rapid and ferocious. Although he is especially embarrassed about thinking his life was over, he is just more grateful to be able to see Doyoung again, to even hold his hand and watch him smile. He hopes that he can undo all the hurt he's done to Doyoung.</p>
<p>          "Tell me when Doyoung comes back," Taeyong says, a newfound determination in his voice. "I'll meet him as soon as he does."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Twenty Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The island wind dances around Doyoung, stroking his hair as he walks along the elevated coast. The flowers sway beside him, making his nose tickle from the pollen. Doyoung watches the distant waves gently roll back and forth. He can barely tell where the sea meets the horizon since both are a calming, pale cerulean. Doyoung smiles in relaxation, his heart lightly settling in his chest as he inhales the summer air.</p>
<p>          His steps are slow and relaxed as if he has all the time in the world. The breeze makes his baby-blue dress shirt ripple a bit, and he keeps his hands in the pockets of his slacks. The on-site visit had gone well, and Doyoung decided to take the liberty of enjoying his visit before he goes back home. After all, it has been nearly forever since he's taken a vacation.</p>
<p>          When Doyoung exhales, it is as if all his worries dissipate. He can't quite tell what it is: perhaps the lazy island atmosphere or his newfound freedom, but he genuinely feels okay. Although his heart still misses Taeyong, he's come to an understanding of the fact that he is <em>not </em>unlovable. He knows that Taeyong is not the only person he's ever met that cares for him. And he knows that there are more people to meet in the future. His heart swells at the thought of Herian's wedding or Jiyeon's grand opening. There is much to do, and look forward to, when he gets home.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs and walks back to his hotel.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>It is the first day of August when Heiran texts Taeyong the flight information for Doyoung's arrival. Taeyong had immediately taken a taxi straight to the airport and now anxiously waits at the terminal, his eyes scanning for Doyoung's figure.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's feet anxiously tap the ground as he bites his fingernails. He thinks he might look suspicious to others, especially considering the current location. But he could care less: his heart pitters and patters, and his ears feel hot. He gulps nervously, just thinking about Doyoung. His mind races through the many possibilities of what Doyoung could say to him.</p>
<p>          When Taeyong spots Doyoung, his heart nearly erupts. Inexpressible emotions rush through him like wind. He sees Doyoung walking, pulling along his carry-on behind him. One hand tugs on the suitcase, the other texting on the phone. Taeyong is slightly surprised at how unusual Doyoung's attire is: the sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled up to his elbows, and there are wrinkles like waves in a gentle sea. His usually neat, dark hair is rustled around and thrown back from the Jeju wind. The sight makes Taeyong's cheeks go warm: to others, Doyoung may seem like the usual, lone business traveler. But to Taeyong, he only sees his handsome destiny.</p>
<p>          Without even thinking, Taeyong stands up. "Doyoung!" he yells as he starts running over. "Doyoungggg!"</p>
<p>          Doyoung looks up from his phone in an absolute panic. Like when he first met Taeyong at the bar only a few months ago, the unadulterated joy in Taeyong's face terrifies him. Instinctively, he looks away and starts walking faster, trying to get outside.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung!" Taeyong wails. "Wait for meeee!"</p>
<p>          "Why is he here?" Doyoung murmurs under his breath, tugging his suitcase so hard that it almost hits his heels. The sight of Taeyong shocks Doyoung to his core. Doyoung is mostly alarmed, hearing the desperation in Taeyong's voice. But a small feeling of reassurance and joy tugs at his heartstrings, reminding Doyoung of how much he still loves Taeyong.</p>
<p>          Taeyong slams into Doyoung, knocking them both onto the ground. "Doyoung!" Taeyong says, on top of Doyoung's chest. "Doyoung, I—" Taeyong cuts off when he suddenly looks at Doyoung with large, innocent eyes. Then, he starts crying.</p>
<p>          Doyoung groans, his back aching from hitting the hard floor. His suitcase lies inches away from him, as does his phone. Doyoung can spot a few cracks on the screen of the latter. "Taeyong, get off me," he manages to say.</p>
<p>          "Oh, sorry," Taeyong says sniffling. He stands up, sobbing immensely loud. He rubs his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie, like some fifth-grader who couldn't find a tissue.</p>
<p>          Doyoung manages to get up. He grabs his suitcase and phone, ignoring the stares of onlookers. He lets out a massive sigh, utterly bewildered by everything. However, Doyoung is a sensible person. As he begins to take in the situation, he can feel a large rise of anger overwhelming him. "Taeyong, what do you think you're doing right now?" he says, his voice calm yet low. </p>
<p>          The statement only makes Taeyong cry harder. He dissolves into a slobbering mess, his eyes and nose running like the Niagra Falls. "D-D-Do-Doyoung, I'm so—"</p>
<p>          Doyoung shakes his head and glares at Taeyong. "I don't understand a word you're saying. Let's go somewhere else—"</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, I love you! I always have, and you're so stupid, you actually believed otherwise!" Taeyong manages to exclaim, his voice slightly muddled from the mucus in his throat. He chokes out more sobs, covering his face with his palms.</p>
<p>          Hearing this makes Doyoung freeze. He's not sure what to think. But his heart does the thinking for him. Relief and tenderness wash over him against his will, reminding him of how much he has missed Taeyong. Doyoung feels warm all over, but he tells himself the heat is from irritation. "You need to calm down," he says darkly. "You're acting crazy."</p>
<p>          "I think I am! Doyoung, you have no idea, just let me explain everything, I swear you'll either hate me or forgive me, but let me tell you," Taeyong rambles, hiccuping at every other word. His lips quiver like a baby before throwing a tantrum. His eyes are so bright that Doyoung nearly thinks that all that is good and pure must be trapped inside of them.</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs and rubs his eyes, a wave of exhaustion rushing over him. "Fine," he says bluntly. "Just not here."</p>
<p>          Taeyong nods and follows Doyoung outside like a loyal puppy.</p>
<p>          He hopes deep down in his heart that all will be right again.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>          "Okay what? Doyoung, I know it's stupid. I know it is. But it's the truth."</p>
<p>          "Alright, I get it."</p>
<p>          "Are you mad?"</p>
<p>          "Just stop talking. Let me think for a bit."</p>
<p>          The setting sun casts an orange glow onto Taeyong's face. Taeyong's snot and tears shine like crystals, and it irks Doyoung how Taeyong had not bothered washing his face. Doyoung's second cup of hot coffee sits in front of him, his only savior in this moment of absolute insanity. Doyoung rests his chin on his hand, his elbow digging into the table, as Taeyong watches him hopefully.</p>
<p>          Taeyong's story was so stupid. Doyoung might have strangled Taeyong if he weren't so tired of hearing him cry. When they had arrived at the cafe, Doyoung did not even have time to order. Taeyong had immediately pulled him to the nearest table, spewing out how he did not ever stop loving Doyoung. It took a timid employee to come over and remind them that they must order to stay inside.</p>
<p>          At first, Doyoung had been immensely nervous, yet fueled with rage. He didn't buy it. He didn't like how Taeyong had stormed back into his life, suddenly changing his mind after hurting him so much. It was a slap in the face, and Doyoung does not like being taken as a joke. He had clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms, making semi-permanent indents onto his skin. All he wanted was to get up and leave, wishing to move on as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>          But then, Doyoung's heart began to calm down a bit. His hands slowly relaxed as he listened to how Taeyong had thought he was going to die. Doyoung could imagine the scenario quite well. Someone like Taeyong must have been scared out of his mind, confused at something so life-changing. Deep down, Doyoung started to feel sympathetic towards Taeyong for having to deal with something like that.</p>
<p>          When Taeyong reached the part about his plan to break up with Doyoung, Doyoung sighed in defeat.</p>
<p>          "Really, Taeyong? That's what you thought of?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong's lips quivered, and his eyes glistened. "I didn't want you to go through what I did. I watched my mom die, you know. I'd rather kill myself than put you through that." He crossed his arms defiantly, looking a tad bit like an upset child.</p>
<p>          "And you think that was it? Let's say you died. You think I wouldn't have found out?" Doyoung shuts his eyes, hoping that it's just a huge joke. "You are driving me insane. And what about the things you said to me?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong shot up straight and leaned forward urgently. "I hated doing that to you! I had to say all the things I love about you as if I hated it. And you believed me. I was talking about my favorite things, and you thought I didn't care about you, like an idiot. How could you have done that so easily? I could never hate you, Doyoung. I could never like you any less than I ever do now."</p>
<p>          The initial frustration returned, and now, Doyoung sits and thinks about what he should do. His head feels fiery hot, his every instinct angered by the hurt he's had to deal with because of such a minor mistake. But his heart is like cool, soothing snow, reminding him that this is the Taeyong he has loved and accepted before, and should continue to do so now.</p>
<p>          Doyoung finally sighs in defeat. If he's learned anything in the past few months, it's that thinking of what to do has never worked. He just has to do it.</p>
<p>          "Don't ever do that again," he says slowly, looking up at Taeyong. "I mean it. You put me through a lot."</p>
<p>          "I'm sorry, Doyoung. I really am, I wish I didn't do it, but I honestly thought it was right—"</p>
<p>          "But I know that you went through a lot too."</p>
<p>          Taeyong stops blabbering for what Doyoung thinks is the first time since he's come out of the womb. Taeyong looks at him hopefully, his lips slightly parted.</p>
<p>          "I'm really mad at you," Doyoung begins.</p>
<p>          "I know."</p>
<p>          "And what you did was so stupid, I can't comprehend it."</p>
<p>          "I know."</p>
<p>          "Don't ever try to make decisions on your own ever again."</p>
<p>          "Okay."</p>
<p>          "Talk to me when you have a problem from now on. Alright?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong nods. "I'm sorry, I really mean it," he says with a sniffle. "I love you a lot, you know." Suddenly, Taeyong gasps and covers his mouth.</p>
<p>
  <em>          The "L-word," oh my gosh, I said the "L-word," oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!</em>
</p>
<p>          Doyoung blinks and stares at Taeyong quizzically, almost glaring at him again. "What is it now?"</p>
<p>          "I love you, Doyoung!" Taeyong exclaims, his eyebrows raised. "And you're going to hear it from me every day!"</p>
<p>          A groan escapes Doyoung's mouth, and he covers his face with his hands out of exhaustion. But his hands also cover the small smile appearing on his mouth and the warmth on his cheeks. He hates Taeyong so much. Only someone like Taeyong can make his life go from hell to heaven in just moments. </p>
<p>          "Okay," Doyoung says. "I get it."</p>
<p>          "And you better say it back!"</p>
<p>          Doyoung makes sure his poker-face is stable before removing his hands. "You're asking for a lot today."</p>
<p>          "And I'll continue to all the time!"</p>
<p>          Doyoung grabs his coffee and finishes it all in one sip. He then stands up and starts to nonchalantly walk out of the cafe. </p>
<p>          Taeyong stands up indignantly and runs over, following Doyoung from behind. "You can't get rid of me. I'm going to make it up."</p>
<p>          "Go ahead."</p>
<p>          "R-really?" Taeyong stammers in surprise. An elated grin appears on his face, and suddenly, he's back to normal. "Really? I'll take your word for that, then. I'm going to bother you every single day of your life. You won't ever be able to get rid of me."</p>
<p>          "That's fine." Doyoung chuckles silently to himself, shaking his head at Taeyong's childish remarks. It's quite difficult to stay angry.</p>
<p>          "I love you, you know."</p>
<p>          "I love you too."</p>
<p>          Doyoung begins to walk faster before Taeyong erupts in excited yelling.</p>
<p>          The sun fades into the horizon, the moon illuminating the affixed pair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Twenty Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the end of Taeyong's story, Sungyeol and Seulmin stare at him in disbelief. It is so quiet that only the sounds of fizzing beer and cars racing on the street, outside the tent bar, reach their ears. Seulmin tilts her head in confusion, but Sungyeol's eyes begin to well with tears.</p>
<p>          "So you're not going to die?" Sungyeol asks, his voice cracking in joy.</p>
<p>          "Yeah," Taeyong says, shrugging bashfully. "It was a silly mistake."</p>
<p>          Seulmin is not sure what to make of the amazingly insane story she's just heard. She finally speaks, simply choosing to go for the facts: "So when is your surgery?"</p>
<p>          Taeyong scratches the back of his neck, smiling with embarrassment. "I kind of ghosted the hospital for a while. I called them back, and I still have to do some more stuff. Get an angiogram and stuff, but I think it will be okay."</p>
<p>          "I'm really glad!" Sungyeol exclaims, tears running down his face. "I thought you were going to die, for real."</p>
<p>          Seulmin pats Sungyeol's back, looking away from his snotty face. She rolls her eyes but also smiles. "You guys are both idiots."</p>
<p>          "Cheers to that!" Taeyong holds up his beer can, grinning widely. </p>
<p>          His friends obediently follow.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>Cafe Delight's grand-opening is a major success. Jiyeon's luxurious and eccentric taste made the cafe's decor the talk of the town. There is a certain charm to the heavy, scratched up dining tables or the rich, leather chairs. No two tables are identical, but every piece in the room carries an extravagant aura. The exotic rug spans nearly the entire room, faded in age but not to the point that the casual viewer could imagine it from its glorious prime. </p>
<p>          Jiyeon herself looks like quite the dream. She's chosen a moderate yet dramatic flair: her dress is of two layers. The one underneath is a strapless, white chiffon that hugs her body to her knees. The layer on top is flowy tulle, extending to her wrists and ankles. The blood-red stain on her lips is the same color as her stilettos. </p>
<p>          Of course, and what would be the most important part of her outfit?</p>
<p>          "That's a big chunk of ring," Taeyong says, staring at the dazzling stone on her finger. "Like, that's huge."</p>
<p>          Jiyeon smiles and slyly puts a hair behind her ear, accentuating her fingers so that the ring can be shown in every possible angle. "Well, Byeol appreciated the sentiment, but it's not like her to wear it. I got her one more her style. This beauty is mine now, perhaps."</p>
<p>          Doyoung sighs. "You bought it with yourself in mind, to begin with, didn't you," he says, it sounding more a statement than a question.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon covers her mouth with her hand, her fingers straight. The ring sparkles and nearly blinds Doyoung. "Hohoho!" she giggles, sounding quite like a witch. "You silly goose, Doyoung, oh you're so funny! Of course not!"</p>
<p>          "Right," Doyoung says, crossing his arms. He leans back into the chair.</p>
<p>          The three continue to converse at the table by the window. Customers come in and out, some buying the typical sandwich, and others opting for menu items Jiyeon had refused to take off. It turned out that pomegranate macarons with champagne were indeed quite difficult to make for the average cafe owner. Jiyeon decided to hire some college student associated with Byeol. In the morning, she would happily dance around the kitchen, preparing whatever confectionaries she desired while the poor kid nervously slaved away at sandwiches and cookies.</p>
<p>          "Hakyeon!" Jiyeon calls for her employee gleefully. She's set herself up to be the anomalous, cliche cafe owner. Her voice rings through the room, without a care in the world. When the student makes his way over, he stares at Jiyeon as if he is more tired of her than working. "Could you please bring us some macarons and cake? Oh, and a cup of coffee. Thank you lovely!" She grins, her teeth gleaming like sharp knives. Hakyeon nods and trudges back to the kitchen.</p>
<p>          Taeyong, sitting by Doyoung's side, cannot stop staring at Jiyeon's engagement ring. "Seven carats is a lot. Did you really buy that with your girlfriend in mind?"</p>
<p>          Jiyeon smiles darkly at Taeyong, her eyes nearly casting a glare. "Yes."</p>
<p>          "I bet she said anything more than one is too much for her."</p>
<p>          "Oh, shut up, Taeyong. I've got lots to say to you, but I just haven't since Doyoung seems alright with you now," Jiyeon snaps. "And fine. Maybe I did buy the ring for myself."</p>
<p>          Taeyong grins sheepishly as Doyoung lets out an exasperated exhale. "I thought Heiran's wedding would be bad. Yours is going to be terrible. I've had enough of weddings for a lifetime," Doyoung says, his voice drained.</p>
<p>          Jiyeon snickers slyly. "Yeah right. I'd imagine some more. I bet you're absolutely ecstatic that I've moved out."</p>
<p>          The statement makes Taeyong's cheeks flush red, heat traveling to every inch of his face. Doyoung does not seem to mind or care, but it makes Taeyong's heart beat against his chest like rapid drums in a parade. </p>
<p>          It's true, Taeyong thinks, that your life really does begin once you find the person you love.</p>
<p>─── ･ ☼ : ☽ ･ ───</p>
<p>"Woah, she looks great," Taeyong whispers to Doyoung's shoulder.</p>
<p>      "Taeyong, shut up," Doyoung whispers back, smacking Taeyong's arm with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>          The two watch Heiran in awe, as she makes her steps down the aisle. Her dress is outstandingly beautiful. It elegantly exposes her collarbones, lace running up and down her arms like a waterfall. Careful beading highlights the bust, wrapping around into a basque waistline. The tulle train has delicate embroidery of pale-gold butterflies and flowers, so seamless that only a desperately close look allows you to see the hidden image. Heiran's pure, black hair is styled in an artistic, braided up-do, accentuating her slim neck.</p>
<p>          To Doyoung, the most radiant part of his friend is her pink lips, cast upwards into a dreamy smile. He doesn't think he's ever seen Heiran so calm, yet excited. Pure happiness flows out of her.</p>
<p>          White and gold flowers hang from the ceiling like vines in a jungle, engulfing the environment in a hazy, floral scent. It makes Taeyong sniffle. He blames it on his allergies, but Doyoung suspects that Taeyong is a lot more emotional than he'll admit.</p>
<p>          When Heiran's father gives her away, Taeyong makes a slight choking sound. People sitting nearby glance at him sympathetically, finding his reaction both humorous and understandable.</p>
<p>          "Taeyong, be quiet," Doyoung says under his breath, watching Heiran face Taekwoon. Her bridesmaids are slightly distracting in their light, navy dresses. </p>
<p>          "Sorry, I can't help it," Taeyong quietly says with a sniff.</p>
<p>          As Heiran and Taekwoon exchange their vows, Doyoung's chest fills with an inexpressible, bittersweet feeling. It's as if he feels nostalgic for something that has never occurred, yet it feels so familiar. He squeezes Taeyong's hand a bit, reassuring himself that it must be the wedding atmosphere.</p>
<p>          "Doyoung, I love you," Taeyong playfully whispers, rubbing away his tears with his sleeve.</p>
<p>          Heiran exchanges her first kiss with her now-husband, and the anxious feeling fades away from Doyoung's heart.</p>
<p>          "I love you too," he says smiling.</p>
<p>          It is alright, he thinks.</p>
<p>          After all, they will only have all the time in the world from here on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Thirty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>SEVEN YEARS AFTER</em>
</p>
<p>"I mean, she did catch the bouquet at <em>my </em>wedding first," Heiran remarks, bouncing a baby on her knee. "So I would say it's thanks to me." She pauses and glares at another child, running around and underneath tables. "Jaehwan, if you don't get your ass over here and sit down now, I will not go easy on you little mister!" she says loudly, hoping that her eldest son can hear him without having to yell.</p>
<p>          "Right, but she caught it a second time at mine. That means, if anything, I reinforced her engagement," Jiyeon replies. She coos at the little one on Heiran's lap, smiling as the baby's saliva dribbles down his chin. "How old is this one?" she asks.</p>
<p>          "Sanghyuk is eight months," Heiran replies tiredly, casting death glares at her four-year-old. "God, Taek, go get him!" she hisses to her husband.</p>
<p>          "I can get him!" Taeyong intervenes excitedly. Without another word, he offers a half-smile to Heiran's equally tired husband before rushing off to chase the youngster. Taekwoon carefully follows, not sure that Taeyong would be the best choice in calming down a child.</p>
<p>          Doyoung smiles as Taeyong runs off, blissful in the moment of reunification with all his friends. They all sit together at the table closest to the dance floor, waiting for the bride and groom to come out. To his left is Jiyeon and then Heiran with her husband. He had initially thought he would barely ever see Heiran, but much to his surprise, he found that she visited Korea often, despite their busy schedules. Doyoung deeply admires Heiran. As an obstetrician, Heiran is consistently working, and her husband wrapping up his neurosurgical residency only meant that the two barely have time. Yet Heiran has managed to raise, not only one but, two children already.</p>
<p>          "You're a real trooper," Jiyeon says, shaking her head. She reaches out for the younger one, and Heiran hands off her son graciously. Jiyeon pats the baby's nose, smiling as he babbles. "These things are cute and all. Can't imagine birthing one though. Or dealing with one for more than a few hours."</p>
<p>          This doesn't surprise Doyoung. After her marriage with Byeol, they had moved in together above her cafe. Whenever Doyoung visits for a bite, he's greeted by one of Jiyeon's three cats rubbing against his leg. The success of her cafe, with the addition of Byeol starting her job at an architecture firm, pushed Jiyeon into planning a second branch.</p>
<p>          "You'd think after delivering so many babies, I'd have some expectation of giving birth to my own," Heiran says darkly. "I was very wrong."</p>
<p>          "Isn't it a lot of work?" Doyoung asks, leaning towards Jiyeon to play with the baby. "I can't imagine the traveling is easy."</p>
<p>          "It would be easier if Jaehwan listened!" Heiran exclaims, throwing up her hands. "It's like that kid's on crack! Well, you've got one of your own, so maybe you get it."</p>
<p>          Doyoung chuckles, nodding a bit. He smiles when Sanghyuk's small hands cling to his finger. "Whenever I come back from a project, he's just as clingy as this one." After the Jeju project had finished, Doyoung kept his word and never went back to Skyline again. His experience led him to become a construction manager. Although it involved a lot of traveling, Doyoung found it much more to his enjoyment.</p>
<p>          Taeyong didn't take it too well, at first. But he got busier himself, as he became a prime time anchor. Whereas Doyoung had been the face of his company from before, he's melted into anonymity. At the same time, almost every news-watching Korean citizen could identify Taeyong on the streets.</p>
<p>          "The man is thirty-four," Heiran remarks. "But he gets along so well with Jaehwan."</p>
<p>          "We're only a year younger," Doyoung gently reminds her.</p>
<p>          "That makes me with my thirty-two years the youngest! When did we reach our thirties? Wow, time flies," Jiyeon says, squeezing Sanghyuk's cheeks. </p>
<p>          "What's this about time flying?" a voice says from behind. Doyoung turns and sees the bride and groom smiling behind them. "We aren't thirty yet," Seulmin says.</p>
<p>          "Hah, one year doesn't make a difference," Taeyong joins in, sitting down next to Doyoung. "Your kid threw a tantrum. So Taekwoon took him outside." Taeyong glances at Heiran and shrugs nonchalantly. </p>
<p>          "Of course it does!" Sungyeol glares at Taeyong. "You're just jealous."</p>
<p>          "Jealous of your loss rate? Maybe!"</p>
<p>          Sungyeol nearly jumps Taeyong before Jiyeon quickly interrupts. "What happened to your first dance? Everyone's waiting."</p>
<p>          "They're working on the music. Technical difficulties." Seulmin smiles sheepishly.</p>
<p>          Seulmin and Sungyeol are a more common sight for Doyoung. He sees the former on TV at the same time as Taeyong, giving the forecast for the day. The latter always stops by to talk with Taeyong over a can of beer about his days as a rookie prosecutor, more often whining about losing cases than winning them.</p>
<p>          When the music starts playing, Seulmin gasps in surprise. Sungyeol pulls her to the dance floor, and they begin their first dance.</p>
<p>          Doyoung watches, only feeling content and ease. He's never felt so good. Maybe nineteen-year-old Doyoung would have never expected his life to be so perfect. Doyoung wishes he could go back in time and thank himself for working so hard. He would tell himself that it's okay. Just wait a little more. And things will turn out well.</p>
<p>          As he slips into his everlasting, normal state of relaxation, Taeyong grabs ahold of his hand and smiles at him.</p>
<p>          The pair's matching wedding bands gleam under the light.</p>
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